Holy Matrimony
by linalove
Summary: He met her when the peak of Widow's was calling to her so seductively. When he saves her from certain death, their destinies become entwined and when they are forced together in the most intimate of ways, they are torn apart.It takes tragedy for two lives to come closer and it takes heartache for a woman to understand that love is not always born the way we think it is.BC/OC, AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello and welcome! Yes, you're reading correctly! Another DS story from me. This plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone, I swear! I had to write it down, people! But don't worry, I will continue all my stories because they're all planned out.**

**So this is AU and a BC/OC story. It takes place in the 1700s. Enjoy and if you find it even remotely interesting please let me know.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

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**Chapter One **

**~ Prelude~**

'_**If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?'**__**  
~**__**William Shakespeare**_

_Collinsport, Maine, 1782_

_I am lying upon the wet grass but it doesn't bother me. I have my eyes closed but then I feel lips upon my brow and I smile. I open my eyes and lock them with the soft gaze of my husband. He grins down at me and I feel his hand, gentle and warm upon my swollen stomach._

"_Where are we?" my voice echoes in the quietness around us and he looks beyond me before he replies._

"_To the place where it all started." Is his whispered reply and I am already lifting my head from the ground to look._

_My heartbeat quickens when I realize that we are at the infamous hill. I grasp my husband's hand and shake my head._

"_No…we have to leave. I do not like it here." I murmur as something around me makes me feel cold and numb._

_The hand under my own stiffens then. The skin starts changing and it is no longer soft and warm. Instead it is calloused and wet; odd yet at the same time familiar. Before I can look down and see whose hand it is, the fingers upon my belly turn cruel. His fingers instead of cradling my bump are now digging into the skin, clawing at it and I cry out._

_I look up and my husband's face is no longer there. Instead I see the handsome but sneering face of James Black. My former fiancé._

_My eyes widen and I start pulling back but then the fingers bite down on my skin like razors and I cry out._

"_Jesus Christ!" I scream as extreme pain pulses inside me like molten lava._

"_You don't want to be here?" James' blue eyes are accusing and mocking and I am suddenly sick. This is not the man I love or had loved in the past. He is dead and he didn't deserve my affection. I thrash in his hold but the movement only causes his nails to dig further into the skin of my belly._

_What is he doing? My child-…_

"_Be careful, my little bee." I almost gag at the pet name because it is so familiar but now it sounds so revolting that I want to vomit. His free hand glides over the pendant around my neck and I slap it away. I won't have him touch it. It's my husband's gift. I won't have him taint it with his touch._

"_I am not yours." I reply as another groan of pain escapes my throat. I turn my head away from his frozen glare and even though he is the same, he feels dead. I am not even sure he's breathing._

_Suddenly, his hand, slick and hard is upon my chin, forcing me to look at him._

"_But you won't be his either." He replies with a snarl and then he's grinning at me. I used to love that smile. The look upon my face must amuse him because his grin only widens and I feel his cold breath on my face. It feels like death itself upon my skin and I lower my eyes to look at my stomach but all I see is blood; blood on my belly and blood on his fingers which are still gripping my chin._

_I scream and try to push him off but then he's pulling me up and his hand forces me to look ahead. There, at the edge of the peak, I see my husband. He has his back on me and he's staring at the horizon. He's in his wedding clothing and the image brings hope in my heart._

"_Barnabas." I call hopefully but at the sound of my voice his entire form goes stiff and I can hear James laughing cruelly._

_I wiggle in his hold but what happens next makes me scream in horror. Barnabas is leaning forward, arms outstretched and then he's diving right off the hill without sparing me a glance._

_Tears are clouding my vision and it is unnatural when I listen to the sickening thud as he falls upon the rocks below. I fall on my knees and claw at my hair but James is still laughing and he is still holding onto me with his bloodied fingers._

_A sob escapes me and I scream again, so loudly that even the wind stops whistling and then there is quietness and-…_

I wake up drenched in cold sweat. I place a hand upon my belly and frown. I stretch out my hand and brush it up and down the empty bed next to me. The sheets at his side of the mattress are cold. I turn to look at my right but all I see is my empty chamber. It was just a dream; a nightmare.

Thank God.

I inhale deeply but something feels off. I wince when I feel a twist of pain in my abdomen and turn onto my side. I take quick breaths, just like the midwife had instructed in my last visit but the pains do not stop. In fact they start getting sharper. I groan and curl into a ball, pushing my knees against the bump on my belly but the position only hurts me more. I sit up, clutching his pillow as I do so and look down upon my lap. I push away the covers and I see crimson upon the sheets. A pained yelp escapes my mouth and my hand flies up to cover it. No, it cannot be time yet. I am only five months along! I cannot have my baby yet! It's so small, so tiny and weak.

But another wave of pain confirms my worst fears. I have to get up. I need to call for help.

I stand up on my feet and I moan in pain as I take a few steps away from the bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth against the pain. I have to keep going.

I hold onto the vanity stool and make my way towards the door but I falter when I feel wetness between my legs. I clutch my stomach and shake my head.

"No. No!" I scream as my toes slide over the wooden floor with ease. I gaze down upon them and watch with horrified eyes the trickles of blood that are running down my ankles, staining my feet. My stomach lurches and I cannot help it. I fall upon the floor, right next to the carpet. I claw at the wooden floorboards as unbearable pain makes my vision go blurry.

I open my mouth and take huge gulps of air before I scream the only name I can think of, "Barnabas! My God!" the name leaves my mouth in a desperate plea but he doesn't respond. Where is he?

"Barnabas!" I cry out again as I fall onto my back and clutch onto my stomach with both hands. The pain has progressed and I feel as if someone is splitting me in two. Jesus Christ, my baby!

I close my eyes and scream again because I feel something pushing against my insides, clawing at me and I know that I am losing the child. _His_ child.

"No." I shake my head and take a deep breath. I have to get onto the corridor. I have to find someone.

I turn onto my side and shuffle towards the door. I can feel the wetness of my blood underneath me and I know that I am staining the floorboards, the carpet and my own skin but I won't give up.

I reach the door but the pain makes me falter. I reach up with my hand and I manage to grab the handle tightly. I turn it and crawl my way out of the room.

Just as I am in the hall I hear a blood-curdling scream that is not my own. It's not even feminine. My eyes widen and I wipe at the tears that are rolling down my skin.

"Barnabas!" my voice is hoarse and not as loud as I want it but I know that scream. It's my husband's voice.

"Helen!" I scream for one of the maids as I slap the ground hard from the pain with both hands, "Angelique!" I try out the last person I want to see but I have no choice. I cannot go any further. I have no strength. I am covered in my own blood. My baby's blood.

I lean my forehead against the floor and more sobs wrack my body but then I hear footsteps and my hopes blossom again.

"Barnabas?" my voice is quivering and I blink back the tears as I raise my head and look at the darkened corridor.

A form appears several feet away and my breath hitches.

"Please, help. I-…"

"Is it not done yet? Pity." The voice is malicious and I frown through my tears.

"Angelique?" I whisper.

"Bravo, ma petite." She claps her hands as she comes to stand right in front of me. Her apron is wrinkled and her clothes look disheveled.

"Where's my husband?" I ask and I try to keep a tone of authority in my voice despite the pain and blood loss.

"He's coming along." She purrs as she leans down and reaches out to tuck some hair behind my ear. Her touch is cold and I flinch back. It's unnatural.

"Who are you?" I murmur as I itch back and as I do so she grabs hold of my calf and keeps me in place.

"What are you doing?" I gasp as she puts force. My bone gives way under her grip and I cry out when I hear the sickening sound.

"My God!" I scream, "What do you want?" I ask her because now everything makes sense. Her stares, her rude behavior since the moment I stepped foot in Collinwood, her affair with Barnabas right in front of my eyes, everything; everything makes sense. She wants him for her own. And I am standing in the way.

"Nothing. I am just waiting for Master to come. He most certainly wants to spend time with you right now." She murmurs with glee.

"Are you mad?" I whisper but when another vicious spasm in my belly arrives I throw my head back and scream.

"Am I? Perhaps I am simply fighting for justice. You took my place. You with your fair skin and blond hair. Your wide gray eyes. Haven't you realized why he pretends to love you? Because you look like her." She grins and I shake my head.

"No." She's simply confirming my worst fears and I hate it.

"Oh, yes. Remember Josette? I do. He does. And now it's the perfect time to get my revenge on this little fish village. Starting from you."

"What have you done?" I ask shakily as I hear rapid footsteps coming towards us.

Angelique only smiles and releases me. She stands up and takes several steps back from me.

My gaze is immediately drawn to the space behind her and my eyes go wide with relief when I see Barnabas.

"Barnabas?" my voice is barely my own and as I shift I can hear the slick sounds of my limbs slapping against the pool of blood around me.

He steps forward but he's…looking at me oddly. There are stains upon his cheeks and his skin is a deathly pale color.

"Oh my God…" I whisper as he backs away against the corridor wall and slowly starts sliding down towards the floor. His dark eyes are fixated upon my form and I can see him swallowing back rapidly.

Angelique turns to him with a smile, "What's the matter?"

"Get away from her." Is his hoarse reply and I can see that his hands are clawing at the wall behind him. He's actually _leaving_ nail marks and scratches along the wall. _Christ._

I groan and start shuffling backwards as his eyes fall upon my bloodied legs. Why is he _looking_ at me like that? I know he cannot stand the sight of blood but this is not a fearful stare…It is a lustful one.

"Why? Afraid I'll do this?" and then her hand is pointing towards me and I feel something hot creeping up my broken leg. It starts with a small sting but as it progresses I feel as if my leg's on fire.

I scream as I see a long thick burn along my calf and the fire combined with the pain on my abdomen is making me see black spots.

"Leave her alone!" he screams at her and all I see next is a flash of motion. Then I am being lifted up and cradled against his hard but extremely _cold_ chest.

Angelique stares at him with a grin as she lowers her hand before she steps back.

"I will. But will you?" she asks with her head cocked to the side before she turns and disappears into the darkness.

He lingers for a moment but then I can hear him growling softly and I can feel his body tensing up. I look up and through my pain I see his unfathomable dark eyes eyeing my skin with hunger.

"B-Barnabas…I need a doctor…The child…" I sputter but he's already walking towards our chamber. His lips are parted and I can see something protruding from his mouth. Is that…Are those his _teeth_?

He places me gently upon the mattress and I groan in pain as he does so. I stagger backwards upon the mattress but even as I move back he's moving towards me slowly, like a formidable predator.

"Elita." He whispers hoarsely as he grabs my bloodied legs and leans down towards me. I am almost blind by the pain by now but I have given up. I am going to die along with my baby because this is not my husband. This creature…is not him. He's as blindingly beautiful, in an ethereal way, but it's not my Barnabas. It's not.

"I am so sorry." His voice is barely audible before he throws his head back and bares his elongated canines at me. I scream but it's barely even a whimper by now. By the time his teeth are breaking and tearing apart the skin of my neck I know no more. I am lost into blissful oblivion.

"**O powerful love,  
That in some respects makes a beast a man,  
In some other, a man a beast."**

**~W. Shakespeare**

**End of chapter 1**

**Author's note: If I have lost you, then I am on the right road! Lol. Why I am saying this? Because unlike my other stories this will begin a bit differently. You shall see what I mean in the next chapter. In the meantime, please review if you want me to continue. I will settle for weekly updates for all my stories but if I have feedback I might post the next chapter sooner. I don't want to leave you in the dark for long…Especially with this prelude.**

**So, review, please?**

**Check out my Facebook page for news, info and covers.**

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina :o)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello and welcome back! I am so thrilled that this story had such a great response! I am in your debt.**

**So, a huge thank you to: PrincessKanako, LabyFan23, Zylia Gregorvich, MissMisc3, nuckythompson, skycord1990, The Dark Lady55, BlooperLover, xBelekinax, music is life 99 xxx, Jandra1969, TinkerbellxO, XantheXV, 88dragon06, PGAEmma, dionne dance, Makrciana, hannahhobnob and CharlieCats. Thank you all for the support. I need it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

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**Chapter 2**

_**Hush-a-by baby**_

_**On the tree top**_

_**When the wind blows**_

_**The cradle will rock**_

_**When the bough breaks**_

_**The cradle will fall**_

_**And down will fall baby**_

_**Cradle and all**_

_**Rock-a-bye, baby, the cradle is green**_

_**Father's a nobleman, mother's a queen**_

_**And Betty's a lady, and wears a gold ring**_

_**And Johnny's a drummer, and drums for the King.**_

_**~Lullaby (1765, England)**_

The heady scent of tea reaches my nostrils the moment I start to stir. My entire body feels numb and sore. I wiggle my fingers and I feel the softness of the quilt under my fingertips; warming me, comforting me, grounding me. As the fog of sleep dissolves and takes my grogginess away, memories start attacking my brain but I refuse to panic. I have panicked enough; I have been sad enough. I already know from the extreme pain between my legs that what I remember is no dream, no nightmare. It is real. Perhaps I am dead. Perhaps the pain I feel is because I have ended up in the deepest circle of hell.

I try to move but my eyelids feel heavy and in all honesty, I am reluctant to face whatever awaits me. Tears gather behind my closed eyelids and I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I grit my teeth and when the aroma of green tea cuts through my senses again, I frown.

Tea? Why on earth would I smell tea? Am I…Am I alive?

As I wonder about that, I hear moving around and two voices.

"Please, send this to my mother. As quick as you can. And bring us another blanket."

That's my husband's voice and I tense up. Is he…is he alright? Is he…normal? I remember his face. He was so different. Had it…? No, it couldn't have been a dream. It was real.

"If the doctor comes, bring him through right away." He speaks again and I can hear his boots as he walks across the floor.

"Yes, Master."

I recognize the voice; Helen, my chambermaid.

So, I am alive. My hand reflexively goes up to my stomach and I can feel that it is still slightly swollen. Now, I have to open my eyes. I need to see what is going on.

With effort I open my eyes and they fall immediately upon my belly. I blink but the fog still remains. Have they…have they drugged me? Is that why I feel so numb?

"Elita?"

My head shots up at the murmur of my name. I look up and my eyes lock with my husband's gaze. He is standing by the windows in a pair of black breeches, a white shirt and a dark red waistcoat. I know that waistcoat. I bought him that vest a month after our wedding.

In a few swift movements he is next to me, his hand finding and grasping my own tightly. I stare at him because I can do nothing more. He looks…he looks normal albeit a bit pale.

What in heavens is wrong with me? Did I dream that night up?

"Thank Heavens." Barnabas breathes as he reverently pulls my hand up to his lips. His lips are warm, inviting and smooth. He looks nothing like the creature of that night. His eyes find mine and they are shining with emotion.

"What happened?" I whisper and my voice is hoarse and choked; dry.

He blinks and frowns, "Don't you remember?" he asks as he lifts his hand and presses his knuckles against my forehead. I shudder and shake my head.

"Remember what? All I remember is blood and…" my eyes peruse his form and land on his hands at last. His hands are the same beautiful hands I know and his family ring along with our wedding band shine around his fingers in the sunlight.

"The doctor said you lost a lot of blood…" he trails off and for a moment he is not meeting my eyes.

Suddenly, I feel foolish and very much insane. What is wrong with me?

"It's gone isn't it?" I whisper and he looks at me.

"I am so sorry." He says hoarsely, "I am sorry it took me so long to come. I had business at the docks and it took so much time-…"

"But you came." I cut him off and he smiles.

"Of course I did. I put you on the bed until the doctor came. We had to move you because the covers and the mattress…" he shakes his head, "No matter. It's in the past. We have to look forward." He leans closer and lifts his fingers towards me, his thumb gently brushing my lips, "Do not worry yourself with all this." He murmurs as he presses his lips to my forehead and warmth spreads through me like lava, "We shall have more children. I swear it." His lips don't part from my skin as he talks and his words instead of making me feel better they make me feel worse. I want my baby. The baby I lost. Why is not that part a dream? Why?

For a moment I think he's lying because he lingers too much in kissing my forehead but then he pulls back and his hand cups my cheek. His skin is warm and nothing like I remember it.

His thumb wipes my tears away before he hushes me and lays his head down upon my chest. His hair tickles my chin and out of habit I reach up and thread my fingers through it. I hear him sighing as I do so and my hand goes one more to my stomach. I used to feel a life inside me but now…Now it feels as if someone has ripped my insides out. I feel empty, cold…useless. Useless because I didn't protect my child, because I didn't take care of it.

A sudden flash, an image appears in front of my eyes and I tense up as I recall a pair of ice blue eyes from my dream.

Angelique. I had forgotten about her. Where is she? She is always lurking about, trailing behind Barnabas, always catering to his every need while she blatantly ignores me.

"Where is Angelique?" I ask and as I do so I feel my husband's form tensing up. He pulls back from my bosom and doesn't meet my eyes until I shake his hand that has somehow become entwined with my own on my stomach.

"Do not worry about her. You have to rest." He murmurs but I am not convinced. Is he lying?

"I won't rest until I know where she is." I say in a firm voice and his eyes show surprise at my tone. I have never raised my voice at him before; ever. Not even when I knew what kind of conduct he had with the servant girl.

"She no longer resides or works in Collinwood." He replies tersely and as he sits up next to me I can see that his fists are curled into tight balls.

I swallow hard, "Why?" I whisper and he turns to look at me.

"Because she was not here to tend to you. I have no need for maids who ignore their duties to my family." He abruptly sits up and my wide eyes follow him as he walks around to the nightstand. He picks up the cup of steaming tea and hands it to me.

I take it and I try to sit up. With his help I lean my back against the pillows and cradle the cup between my hands.

Barnabas regards me for a few moments before he leans down to me. His lips aim for my neck and I startle before I release a small whimper. He freezes and pulls back to look at me with worry.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asks me with shock and I don't know what to say to that.

What should I say? That I had a nightmare in which he used me to satisfy his thirst because he had turned into a creature of the night? He would surely think me mad.

"N-no. I just…How long had I been unconscious?" I ask and to make amends I take his hand and press a kiss to his palm. It smells of soap and I close my eyes because the scent brings me comfort.

"Three days. The doctor gave you something for the pain…Laudanum, I think." He answers as he reaches out and tucks a lock of my blonde hair behind my ear.

I nod and without looking at him I ask, "Was it a boy or a girl?" I almost whimper and his hand tightens in my hair.

"Don't ask me such things." He shakes his head and I can hear the tremor in his voice. Worried and alarmed, I look up and grab his sleeve, "Why do you say that?" I ask him in a barely audible voice.

Barnabas shakes his head, "Don't worry yourself-…"

"Stop saying that!" I screech and his eyes snap down to my face, "You don't know how it is! You sit here, telling me to calm down when I felt it! I felt how it was. Someone ripped it from inside of me! Stop keeping me in the dark, Barnabas! I need to know!" my voice is barely my own and my hand shakes as I hold onto the cup, rattling it with my trembling limb.

"Compose yourself." Barnabas' voice is quiet, too quiet, "Don't shout." His eyes are blazing with fire, "I am trying to keep you away from heartache-…"

"Heartache? You think I am not already in pain?" I whisper, "You know nothing. Just admit it. This is so convenient for you. You can keep strutting about this village, living your life as if I don't exist, playing the high and mighty lord who thinks he can solve everything with his gold. But my world does not evolve around your fortunes. I wish that it did." My voice is tired by the time I finish but I do not regret my words. I have kept my silence long enough.

He tugs his hand out of my grip and steps back, "My fortunes? You think my life is easy? You think I am content? I am sorry, my dear, but life with you is not as easy as you may think it is. I had no wish to marry a martyr." He informs me quietly before he turns on his heel and walks out of our chamber.

I stare wide eyed at the door and gradually the emotions travel up my insides like waves of seawater that want nothing more than to crush onto the shore and destroy everything in their wake. Tears start clouding my vision because this is unfair, so unfair. I have no wish to play the martyr. I have no wish to mourn my entire life. I have no wish to be unhappy. But I am a woman. I must lower my head and obey and not once have I objected, not once have I denied my duties.

"How dare you?" I whisper and my voice echoes in the empty room. Suddenly I feel sick. How could I even think that things would improve with my pregnancy?

My eyes prickle horribly and on an impulse of sheer fury I throw my cup against the wall across from me. The china shatters into a million little pieces and the liquid stains the wall as it trickles down to the carpet.

The door bursts open and Helen walks in, looking terrified.

"My Lady?" she whispers but her voice does not bring me comfort. I don't want to be her lady. I don't want to be anyone's mistress. I want to be left alone.

"Get out." I whisper as I cradle my head.

"My Lady, Master has asked me to help you bathe."

"Not now."

"But, Lady Collins-…"

"Get out!" I scream at her and my voice causes her to jump but I don't regret it, "Didn't you hear what I said? Get out!" I throw the covers away and her eyes widen with alarm as I do so but I am too furious to think about her feelings. I know I will feel sorry later.

"Helen, get out!" I bark at her in a voice that is not my own.

She stumbles back and walks out of the room with panic written all over her.

I wince as I stand and grab onto the bedpost as I make my way towards the washroom. My knees feel wobbly as I walk but I pay no heed to my body's warning. I cannot sit on that bed, I am sick of it. How could I have forgotten what I saw on that bed?

How dare he judge me? How dare he insinuate that I am burden to him?

I grasp onto the water basin and slam the door shut before I lean heavily against the stand. I look up into the mirror and my face greets me. I do not even recognize myself. I look dead.

I grit my teeth and resist the urge to destroy everything in there. My husband's various personal items mock me as I stand there and as my eye catches the long bottle of his cologne I want to vomit. I shouldn't be afraid of the monster I dreamed of. He at least protected me even if he tried to kill me in the end. I would have preferred it.

I look back up at my reflection and I snarl at it. I slip my hands into the water and splash my face with it but it does nothing to calm my racing heart. I feel as if someone is compressing on it with their fist and the emptiness in my belly is even more pronounced now that I am alone.

I should be glad this child is gone. I am free of any duties that came along with it but even as I think about it I want to sob because I had invested on it; I had put all my hopes on its existence and now it gone, taken from me.

I grip the water basin with both hands; so hard that my knuckles go white. I stare at the water and as droplets of it mingle with my tears I start to hyperventilate. Before I know it the basin is knocked off its stand and I watch as if from above as my hands throw it on the marble floor. Bits of expensive porcelain cut my bare feet but I don't care because I am too far out of myself now. A scream escapes my throat and even I can feel my anguish pulsing in and around me in waves.

My vision goes blurry and I stumble before I fall against the wall. I slide down so unceremoniously and ungracefully that my mother would be ashamed of me if she saw me right now. But I don't care. I am past caring.

I ran my hands through my hair and I am shocked when I find it untangled. Who on earth brushed my hair?

I tug harshly at my blond strands until I feel pain. I close my eyes shut and try to breathe through my nose but it's useless because I cannot calm down. I feel used, I feel betrayed, hurt and so alone.

But that last one is nothing new. I've always felt alone. Even more so from the moment I realized that my life had been built in deception and lies. I wish James was here right now. Not because I miss him but because my misery is all his fault. I wish he was here so I could kill him all over again, with my own hands.

I drag my fingers down my cheeks and down my neck with force until I cry out. I freeze when two of my nails dig into the tender skin on the side of my neck. Through my tears I frown and squint in thought. I finger the area around my carotid gingerly and even though it feels smooth and even I can feel it burning.

Alarmed, I quickly stand up and walk over to the mirror, paying no attention to the broken pieces on the floor. I blink my tears away and lift my head so I can see my neck. I see nothing at first but as I lean closer my entire form freezes up. Two tiny purple marks greet me and I whimper before I clamp my hand over my mouth. Footsteps outside my door alert me of someone's approach but I cannot take my eyes from my neck. The more I stare at them the more certain I become. I am not insane and I am not delusional. That night had happened and my husband is lying to me.

"Elita?" his voice brings shivers up and down my spine and I panic as I turn to face the closed door. In a moment of fear I hurry over to it and turn the lock. I can even hear that he has stopped breathing outside the door the moment I locked it.

"Elita, please." He whispers and I glare at the door before I turn and lean against it, "I am so sorry." His voice sounds contrite but I cannot face him. He is lying to me. He is hiding something from me. The creature I dreamed was no illusion, no figment of my feverish imagination. It was real. The marks, although concealed, are there; on my neck.

Slowly, I slide down to the floor again and hug my knees once more, feeling more alone than ever.

"I didn't mean those things. Please, torture me no more." He knocks on the door with his hand but I don't reply. I am so confused to speak, too tired to face him; too ruffled to care about the worry and desperation in his voice. But he is no saint either. His transgressions, however subtle are still haunting me and the thought that I was not or that I am still not enough makes the hole in my chest bigger.

I run my hand through my hair and my engagement ring gets caught in the strands. I free it harshly and I ignore the sting it leaves behind just as I ignore the burning between my legs. I pay no mind to the slick warmth that has gathered there. I will ignore it until it stains my white nightdress. I don't have to face it yet.

But in this short time I can face my past. I can face my fears, my hopes, my _demons_; I can face my story. I can tell you my story. And I will if you are willing to listen.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Collinsport, Maine, 1780 (two years earlier)…_

"Ms. Elita?" the maid's voice causes me to look up from the family's pet. Marcus, our black Rottweiler, looks up at me lazily and I pout before I reach out to pet his head.

"Yes, Nell?" I call as the maid arrives at the back porch.

"You asked me to inform you when Mr. Black's ship would dock, my Lady. He is here." The maid announces rather proudly and my eyes widen.

Slowly, I turn around to face her and resist the urge to laugh like a little schoolgirl. Instead, I cover my mouth with my hands and sigh deeply.

"Thank you, Nell." I nod at her before I stand up and pass by her to get into the house.

Just before I enter the parlor I falter and look down upon my muddy shoes. Rolling my eyes, I reach down and remove the dirty footwear. Thank God, my mother is nowhere to be seen for my hem is dirty as well. Not caring much about my inadequate appearance, I tiptoe across the parlor and grab my cloak from the hanger by the door. The large wall clock shows that it is almost noon and I try to make haste because I have just enough time to head to the docks and return on time for supper.

Just as I am putting my shoes on again, I hear footsteps behind me.

"Elita?"

My mother.

Stifling a sigh, I turn and look at her.

"Mother." I smile but I can see that it is not reciprocated. I want to scream.

"Where are you off to?" she narrows her eyes and I run my tongue over my teeth before I respond.

"To the docks." I answer quietly.

"Why?"

"Mother…" I sigh and rub my temples.

"You know it's not proper to see him without a chaperone-…"

"Mother, we are engaged." I cut her off and she purses her lips tightly.

"That doesn't make a difference." She says calmly, "You know how I feel about him. I do not trust him. He's unreliable."

"Yet, you accepted the money he offered."

"Don't speak to me like that! He works for your father. He _owes_ your father his life and fortune." Her voice is sharp, edgy and I swallow hard. I hate that she judges my every move.

"He is a captain."

"Indeed. He is a sailor. God knows, what he gets up to while he's away. How can you live with these…gossips?!"

My mother, Katherine Heartcowl, is a persistent woman and sometimes I wonder how can my father put up with her behavior.

"The only one who cares about the gossip is you. Please, I mustn't be late." I swiftly turn but before I can go out I feel her hand on my arm.

The gentle touch makes my anger dissolve, "Darling, you know that I only care for your happiness but please be careful."

I slowly turn to face her and I see the alertness in her green eyes, "Do not lay all your affection to someone who doesn't deserve it. Be careful, proceed with cautiousness. I beg of you. This is a small community. People will talk. Please."

I take her hand and squeeze it, "Alright. I promise. May I go now?" I ask her with a smile and she sighs softly before she releases me.

On my way out I hear her last warning, "Don't let your father see you with him! Don't be late!"

I grin and wave my hand as I take the path that leads me into the village and right down to the docks.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I am obviously too nervous and excited because I don't even watch where I am going. So, when my foot stumbles upon a crate I yelp and flail my arms about precariously until a hand shots out from nowhere and grabs my arm in a death grip.

I place my hand against my chest and exhale with relief before I turn to gaze at my rescuer.

A young man is looking at me with a frown and his brown eyes are alarmed and inquisitive.

"Did I cause the stumble? If that is so, I must apologize, madam." He speaks quietly and smoothly and I blink out of my daze because he looks…fine. Too fine in fact.

"Um, no. It is entirely my fault. Thank you." I shake my head and smile and for a moment his eyes are fixated upon my mouth.

Flushing, I clear my throat and sidestep him, "Have a good day…Um, excuse me?" I call just before he walks away. He pauses and turns to look at me.

"Miss?" he cocks an eyebrow at me.

"Perhaps you could direct me to Captain Black's ship, Mr.…?" I trail off and he turns to face me fully before he gives a small bow and introduces himself.

"Collins. Barnabas Collins." He smiles when my eyes go wide.

Barnabas Collins? The son of the founder of Collinsport? Good gracious, I stumbled upon the lord of this community. And now I am staring because I have never seen him before.

Shaking my head, I bow in return, "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise... Even though I still don't know your name." he tells me and when I flush even more he laughs and points his hand to the right behind me, "Captain Black's ship is right over there, madam. Good day." He inclines his head before he turns on his heel and walks away, his walking stick clanking loudly against the dock's wooden floorboards.

I blink and follow his directions and before I know it I am standing in front of the _Bearer_; James Black's ship. My fiancé's ship.

I see his curly black hair as he stands next to the vessel and when his eyes peruse the area and find mine, I smile widely. He grins and before I know it I am right into his arms. I am safe.

**End of chapter 2**

**Author's note: If you're scratching your heads, that's fine. My plan has worked! Haha!**

**I hope you liked it and as you can see I am taking a different approach with this. I hope you enjoyed it. If that is so please let me know! I need your feedback or else I am walking in the dark here.**

**Check out my Facebook page for info and update news!**

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina :o)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Welcome back! I want to thank: MissMisc3, skycord1990, ForeverACharmedOne, TinkerbellxO, Makrciana, runs with myths, CharlieCats, BlooperLover, nuckythompson, Emma, Jandra1969, XantheXV, dionne dance and LabyFan23.**

**Thank you all for your comments and encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

'_**Those who do not weep, do not see.'**_

_**~Victor Hugo, Les Miserables**_

"How was your latest trip to the Caribbean, James? I am sure you have already seen so much, but still."

My mother speaks up and I frown. Why does she always have to do this? These questions scream of curiosity and arrogance. Is she testing him?

I look at my fiancé but he simply smiles at her.

"It was good, madam. Tedious would be a more accurate word for I miss this place." His eyes fall on me and I flush. My mother eyes me with disapproval but I am not letting her get to me.

"Indeed." Mother murmurs, "And when do you plan on settling down? Surely a marriage cannot be steady when you have to travel all the time."

My eyes widen on their own accord and suddenly I hope my father gets here soon. He's the only one to save me and James from my mother's displeasure.

"Then perhaps, someone should earn a living for me, madam-…"

"Come, come." I speak up in a high pitched voice and James' eyes snap to me. I can see the anger in them and I plead with him with my eyes not to continue this. I love him but his temper is not appropriate for my mother's constant nagging. We all know she doesn't like him.

"I am going to call Papa, so we can all be on our way." I smile but as I try to move back I feel James' hand on my wrist. I gasp and I can feel my mother's glare on our joined hands.

"I am sure he'll come soon." He tells me and I frown at him. He is odd sometimes. Possessive, stubborn; harsh. But that is mostly when he is angry or irritated. I don't know if I should have paid more attention to those characteristics but…I love him. After all, no one is perfect, right?

I settle back next to him and he lets go of my hand. I smooth the silk shawl around my shoulders and I can feel his gaze on me as my mother heads for the stairs to call my father.

"Is this totally appropriate?" he murmurs and I frown.

"I am sorry?"

"The dress. Don't you think it's a little revealing?" he eyes my collarbones with a cocked eyebrow and I blush.

"It's the latest fashion." I say. Whatever is wrong with my clothes? Mother approved it and that says a lot.

Feeling a bit out of place, I start wondering if I should change.

"Shall I-…" I start but I am cut off by him as he places a kiss on the side of my head.

"I am sorry. I am just…stifled in here. Forgive me." He murmurs and I swallow hard, "I hope the Collins' home is refreshing." He smiles and I return it albeit a bit hesitantly.

"It's a mansion not a house." I say and he chuckles.

"Indeed."

" Have you ever been to one of their balls?" I ask and he smirks a bit, causing me to frown.

"Once or twice." He replies and at my odd look he clears his throat and shakes his head, "No matter. It was a couple of years ago."

I nod. Of course. He's older than me. I was not of age to attend such fancy gatherings. I blink and try to push back any suspicious thoughts that have to do with James and his conduct. He has never made me jealous…not seriously jealous anyway.

My tangled thoughts are interrupted when Papa arrives with my mother and he smiles at me. My heart is immediately warmer. My father tends to have that effect on me. He can make me smile, he can make me happy.

Once he sees me, he walks over and takes my hand. James frowns but my father is quick to interrupt him.

"You shall excuse me if I steal her for tonight?"

Without waiting for a response, he tucks my hand in the crook of his elbow and leads me towards the door.

James falters but then turns to my mother who eyes him with irk.

"Madam." He bows and not knowing what else to do she takes his hand and follows us out of the door.

I try not to let it get to me. Their mutual dislike is palpable in the air around us but it is nothing unusual. As we head to the carriage, I try to forget it and enjoy the evening.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Go and dance." My mother insists as we are both standing close to the large balcony doors of Collinwood.

"I am a bit preoccupied right now, mother." I murmur as I gaze around the large parlor that is as efficient for a ballroom as the largest palace hall that exists in this world.

"How? Watching while your fiancé dances with various dames?" she asks in a hiss and I turn to look at her.

"Why are you doing this?" my fingers tighten around the wine glass, "There was more than one lady without a partner. Don't you know what politeness is?" I frown and she rolls her eyes.

"Good God, child. You're so blinded by your feelings that you cannot tell right from wrong."

I actually flush and gaze at my drink, "Mother-…'

"Mother and mother! I will not be silenced when such indecency is taking place right in front of my eyes!" she whispers and I look at James as he twirls a curvaceous redhead around the dance floor.

"You always say that women should obey." I remind her and she sighs.

"Only when that gives you power over your betrothed or husband. This is ridiculous! Leaving you alone so he can enjoy his time…You must find a partner." She says the last sentence rather loudly and my eyes widen as people actually turn to gaze at us.

"Mama!" I gasp as I cover my mouth with my hand.

"Mama, what, child? You look like a withered flower." She exclaims in a hushed voice and I want the earth to open up and swallow me; right now.

"Then I shall be the water. Madam?" a male voice states and I look up. My eyes widen when I see who is standing in front of me with his hand outstretched in invitation. Barnabas Collins' golden ring is glimmering in the various candle lights of the room and he has a gentle smile upon his face. He is dressed in a dark blue assemble of clothes and his crisp white shirt is peeking from his vest and overcoat. The brocade on the neck and sleeves of his coat seems rather intricate and I blink as I remember that he has just offered me a dance.

"I…"

"She'd be delighted to." My mother exclaims rather jubilantly and I part my lips to speak, to state that James would be angry if-…

I stop right there. I shouldn't care. I am the one who has been left alone all evening.

Feeling a bit peculiar, I let him take my hand and he pulls me gracefully to the middle of the room. He places his hand firmly against my lower back and then pulls me closer until my forehead is literally brushing his chin. He is quite taller than me.

He allows me a moment to tighten my hand on his shoulder and then starts tugging me along. His footwork is much quicker, smoother and experienced than mine but I do not mind because every time I stumble or step on his foot he chuckles and shakes his head in warning that it is of no consequence.

"How do you find Collinwood, madam?" he asks me quietly as he twirls us around once and then slows down the tempo of his movements.

"Glorious, Mr. Collins." I reply truthfully and he smiles.

"Pray, what is the name of such a recurring flower?" he murmurs with a slight tilt to his head and I flush.

"Elita Heartcowl."

His eyes widen a bit, "The merchant's daughter?" he states and I nod.

He grins widely and makes me take a turn around myself before he pulls me closer again.

"You are betrothed to James Black." He murmurs with a tiny frown and I nod. His frown deepens, "Interesting and rather impressive…" he turns us around and clasps me closer to him.

"What is so impressive?" I ask with irk and he notices.

He blinks and then shakes his head, "Forgive me. I meant nothing by it." He shakes his head and then his eyes fall on a spot over my shoulder. He tenses up and a small smile creeps up his lips.

I sense the change in his body until he gradually stops moving. His hold on my waist becomes less firm and I am worried that I have done something to offend him.

"Josette." He murmurs with sparkling eyes and I flush when I realize that a lady has grasped his attention.

Feeling a bit disorientated and unwanted, I step back and Mr. Collins' gaze shifts back to me with surprise.

"We haven't finished our dance." He regains his politeness but I have already understood that he craves to be with someone else right now.

"Forgive me, I feel a bit faint. Excuse me." I step further back and accidentally bump with a couple.

"Elita?" James' voice brings my attention back to him and I narrow my eyes at him before I turn on my heel and walk away from the dancing couples.

"Elita!"

I can hear him following me and as I step into the balcony I slap my hands hard against the marble railing.

"Are you alright?" his hand is on my hair and I shrug out of his hold.

"I am fine." I whisper but I am not. Why must he always prove my mother right? I ask nothing but a bit of his time but he gives me none.

"Were you dancing? Just now?" he asks and I turn to look at him with misty eyes.

"Obviously. It's a ball. Isn't that what you have been doing all evening?" I ask in a loud voice and he actually looks a bit ashamed.

"I am sorry-…"

"Sorry? I keep defending you in front of my parents but it seems to me that you deserve none of it. Tell me something," I straighten and turn to look at him, the wind blowing my wavy hair in front of my face, "Do you actually _want_ to marry me?" my voice shakes a bit towards the end.

James sputters like a fish, his green eyes wide and panicky, "My love, I…" he hesitates and I fear that I already have my answer.

"I see. Why didn't you say something? Why are you letting me ridicule myself?" my voice is loud, hysterical and he quickly shakes his head.

"Elita…" he places his hands upon my shoulders and I don't know if it is the wine or the loud music and voices, but his touch angers me. I push his hands away and he is shocked.

"Who is it? Someone I know? The redhead or the blonde one?" I curl my hands into fists and I no longer care if I am making a scene. He has brought me to my limits.

"Elita, you're making a fool of yourself-…"

"Am I? Are you ashamed of me? Is that why you didn't even come to stand next to me tonight?"

"Of course not!" he exclaims with irk, his green eyes flashing and I nod my head.

"What happens now then?" I ask shakily.

"Nothing. We shall return inside-…"

"To do what?"

"Dance."

"You mean pretend. I want to go home." I turn to leave but his hand is upon my arm, squeezing it tightly. It's actually painful and I am shocked by his behavior.

I gasp, "Let go of me."

"You're not going to create a fuss just because you're jealous." He snaps.

"Jealous? I am not jealous! I am ashamed I came here with you!" I try to free myself but he is relentless.

"Ashamed of what?" he hisses.

"Of your conduct. My mother is right-…"

"My conduct would have been different if you were actually a bit more eager to please me. And your mother is a hag, my darling." He states cruelly and I stare at him as if seeing him for the first time. By now, there are people looking at us and I know that my parents will be here soon. Oh God, the humiliation.

"How dare you talk about my mother?" I whisper in a barely audible voice, "And please you? Not everything is about you, you arrogant creature!" I snap as I pull my hand free and step back.

"Elita." He growls in warning and he raises his hand, I don't know with what intention, but I cry out as I see it coming towards me. Nothing happens for another hand curls around his wrist and James turns to look at the intruder.

"Remove yourself from my house immediately." Barnabas Collins stands next to my fiancé with a fierce frown and I swallow hard. How did this evening turn out like this?

James pulls his hand free and turns to look at me with fury in his gaze, "I am leaving again tomorrow. If you don't come at the docks consider the engagement broken."

With those words he turns on his heel and storms away, leaving me shaking with retained anger and desperation.

"Ms. Heartcowl?" Mr. Collins approaches me but I take a step back, my cheeks already flushed with humiliation.

"I am so sorry for ruining your night." I shake my head, "If you could perhaps inform my parents that I will be waiting by the gates, I shall leave immediately." I whisper and it is then that I notice another blonde young woman standing by the French doors. She is beautiful but has a frown on her face.

"Madam, I wish you to stay. Perhaps we can take a stroll in the gardens. Josette?" he turns towards the other woman and offers her his hand. She smiles and takes it before she comes closer to me, her expression kind.

"Shall we take a stroll?" he suggests and she nods.

"Of course. Shall we, my lady?" she smiles at me but I am too upset for strolls. I've only just realized what I have gotten myself into. The whole town will be talking about this by morning.

"No, thank you. I must find my parents. Again, I ask for your forgiveness. Good evening." I brush by them and enter the parlor again before I make my way to the door. I find my mother by the hall and once she sees me her eyes go wide.

"Elita! Heavens! What happened? James just left." She takes my hands and I cannot help it. The tears that I had kept firmly in place start to fall as I shake my head.

"Mama, can we go?" I whimper and she nods but I can see that her teeth are gritted.

"Of course. I shall find your father."

She is gone from my side and I hastily make my way out of the mansion.

The ride back home is a silent one. My parents were right. I have let them both down.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Well, I could say I told you so but I don't want to wound you any further, my child. I always knew he was not to be trusted. He was only after our name and your fortune. Greedy man. Wasn't it enough that he would marry you?" my mother is pacing up and down while I am sitting on the window ledge, gazing out at the sea.

"The betrothal is not yet broken." I say quietly.

"By God it will be! Today. You shall not step foot at the docks. This is over. Your reputation has suffered enough." Her voice is resolute and I swallow thickly.

"It'll be worse if I am the reason why the betrothal will be broken."

My mother comes next to me and places her hand on my arm, "Elita, none of this is your fault. Love…makes us blind. We cannot see what is right in front of us. But if we don't love we do not live."

I turn to look at her and I bite my lip before I nod my head. She kisses the side of my head and then pulls back.

"Madam! Madam!" Nellie suddenly bursts through the door and we both turn to look at her.

"What is it?" my mother asks and Nellie eyes me with depredation before she speaks.

"It's a scandal, madam! Mr. Black…" she trails off.

I stand up at the mention of his name, "What about him?"

My mother shushes me, "Speak, Nell."

"He eloped with a servant girl, madam. Just this morning." She finally blurts out and I can feel my knees shaking underneath me.

"What?" I breathe.

"Explain yourself, Nellie!" my mother snaps and the maid nods.

"They spotted the girl boarding the _Bearer_ just this morning, madam. The girl's family is devastated. She has humiliated them." Nellie finishes and I abruptly turn to face the window.

I bite my lip hard, but I have no one but myself to blame for this. Of course he'd choose a much morally free girl than me. It's in his nature to ask for more than I could ever give him. That doesn't make the blow milder however. My heart feels like it has been torn apart. Good God…how am I going to face this town now? My life…my family's honor has been stained with his actions and all because of me…Of my blindness. I am doomed to be alone; forever.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Collinwood, 1782…_

I wipe at my eyes as I remember my first experience with heartache. I want to laugh because what I felt back then felt nothing like what I am feeling right now. I place my hand upon my stomach and I want to vomit as I keep listening to my husband's knocks on the door. I shuffle away from the door and lean against the chair that is near the mirror. I swallow hard as the blood between my thighs further soaks my undergarments. My entire body is burning, my limbs feel sore, but what hurts most is my heart.

"Elita! Jesus Christ, sweetheart! Open the door!" I close my eyes as the knocking turns into forceful banging and when Barnabas' voice gains volume I want to clamp my ears shut. I feel so tired, so confused…so alone.

Suddenly the door is slammed open and I open my eyes to see Barnabas staring at me with wide, black eyes. His eyes peruse the bombarded washroom and I suddenly feel ashamed of my temper tantrum. I have never behaved like this before, but I cannot forget all that has happened.

His expression is fierce and demanding but upon seeing my condition it softens.

"My God." He whispers as his eyes are immediately drawn to my bloodied thighs. In a few long strides he is kneeling down next to me and I tense up, but I have no power or strength left to fight his manhandling. He wraps an arm under my legs and another one around my back before he stands up almost effortlessly. My head finds its resting place in the crook of his neck and shoulder and I lie in his arms like a ragdoll as he carries me back to the bed.

He places me gently upon it and then his hands are upon my legs and between my thighs, checking for damage. His eyes snap up to my face when a particular probe causes me to whimper and he hushes me.

"Shh, it's alright. Everything's alright. Just a small rip, darling. Helen!" he barks for our maid, "Helen!"

The chamber door bursts open, "Master? My God!" she cries once she sees the blood.

"Fetch the physician. Now!"

In a flash she is gone and his hands are on my knees, gently kneading them in a futile attempt to calm me down. I hiccup because I am only just now registering the pain that is burning my insides.

"Hush now. I am so sorry." His lips are upon my sweaty brow and I close my eyes because the gesture takes me weeks back. And when he doesn't move away, but keeps pressing his lips upon my skin in a series of small kisses I don't care what he is and what has happened to him. I feel safe; I don't want him to hate me. I cannot bear it.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_A month ago, Collinwood, 1782_

Warm and absolutely welcome sunlight falls onto my side from the large French doors to our left. The artist said that the light is perfect at this particular spot. So here I am, sitting in one of the parlor's lavish armchairs with my back straight up and my legs crossed at the ankles. My midnight blue dress falls over my legs in silk folds that feel heavy and uncomfortable on my body. A silver pendant is hanging from my neck and I can feel the breeze from the windows disturbing the few curly locks that are falling strategically over my neck from my loose bun.

I have one hand on the arm of the chair and the other is upon my lap. I haven't been able to move for about half an hour and I already feel the tension upon my back.

As I stare ahead, I see the two maids waiting with trays of refreshments in their hands and my dry throat wishes for a cool glass of water. I swallow and lick my lips before I release a quiet sigh. It falls upon deaf ears and I almost grit my teeth together. _Almost_. I plan on ripping the bloody dress apart after this show is done.

"Perhaps we should make a small change." The painter speaks up and looks at us, me, from over his canvas, "Perhaps Lady Collins should place her hand upon her belly? As if she's cradling it?" he asks with a gentle smile and I tense up. I look down upon my slightly swollen stomach and bite my lip, because I can already feel my eyes softening at the sight of the bump.

I can feel eyes upon me and I look up to my right. My husband is looking at me peculiarly; all soft eyes and gaze fixed upon my stomach. I shift nervously because even though affection is something he gives freely to almost anyone he pities, I cannot stand his gaze. It's a lie. His gentle gaze and smiles are ripping my heart apart for the second time in my life, because I've done the unthinkable. I have fallen for the man to whom I was married without my consent. I have borne the decision forced upon me by our families, but I had never planned for it to actually turn real. I loved someone else but I had been betrayed. The man posing next to me so elegantly wasn't betrayed, but he has lost his love as well. My old love, James, is dead, but that does not make his betrayal and deception any lighter a burden to bear. On the contrary. I now have not one single chance to hurt him back, because he is dead. I only hope that the afterlife is not as easy on him.

"I do think it is a rather good idea." My husband replies at last and I look at him with shock, "I think it would make an excellent sight once it's done. I condone, Mr. Lewis. But first a small pause, yes?" he smiles and moves away from my chair to get the drinks from the tray.

I look intently upon him as he approaches the maids and takes two glasses with sweet orange juice. The tall one is mine and has a small flowery design on it. It is my mother's and a personal favorite of mine.

The dark haired maid bows to him, but I can see a smile playing upon her lips, a mocking one, and I want to disappear when my husband's gaze lingers upon the maid's exposed skin.

It is only a second or two, but to me it seems like a lifetime before he decides to turn and walk back to me.

He smiles and winks at me before he hands me a glass, "Something sweet, yes?" he murmurs as I take the glass. I simply nod because there's nothing else to do.

"Thank you." I murmur and I take a sip just to busy myself with something, anything.

He frowns at me, but he doesn't hover. Instead he turns to gaze upon the room and I watch him like a hawk because I know where his gaze will linger. Upon the beautiful dark haired servant girl. I inhale sharply and tighten my fingers upon the glass at the sight of his beautiful brown eyes upon the other woman.

I gulp and suddenly I want to flee because a loveless marriage is a far better choice than being in one with no reciprocated love. I mourn for the bygone days. The days when I would notice the appreciation upon his face for someone else and I would ignore it with no hurt twisting my stomach into tight knots. This child is a mistake. Not for me, but for him. It all happened in a moment of anger and that makes it unbearable. Because I know that the child growing inside me only exists because of his lack for better judgment. Because, if I want to be honest, he hasn't touched me like that since that night.

But then something happens and my musings are cut off. His gaze doesn't linger on her like other times. He is simply perusing the room while the painter prepares his colors. And then his gaze is back upon me; gentle and scorching at the same time. I know I must look like a fool staring at him like a gullible wife but I cannot help it. I am surprised and almost breathless when he walks back to me.

"Is there something wrong with the juice? Does it turn your insides?" he is frowning and then he reaches down to take the glass from my tightly gripping fingers.

"Darling." He murmurs in a light scolding voice and I release my hold immediately.

He takes it and brings it up to his nose. He takes a whiff and frowns before he takes a testing sip.

He winces and shakes his head, "Who made this?" he turns to look upon the maids and the dark haired one, Angelique, looks up at him with wide eyes.

"I did, Master-…"

"Bring me another glass. Now." He says firmly and I can see that his eyes are narrowed as he glares at her.

Angelique purses her lips, but bows her head in compliance before she turns and walks away. Barnabas hands me his own glass and then promptly spills the contents of the bitter juice inside the fireplace.

I swallow and then take a sip. I am surprised when I feel the sweet taste of orange upon my tongue and my eyes go to my husband, who is now conversing with Mr. Lewis.

I lower the glass from my lips and then stand up. I wince as I stretch but I walk towards the French doors nonetheless. I look outside and blink away my odd emotions and thoughts. I try not to analyze my husband's behavior. After all, he's always kind to me…Well, mostly at least.

A moment later, I feel arms around me and then hands upon my swollen, but silk clad belly. I freeze but then lips are upon my cheek; smooth, and hot and eager.

My heart flutters and I stifle the urge to sigh. All I do is lean back against the warmth that I hope I deserve.

**End of chapter 3**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. I swear that the confusing back and forth bits are mostly over. I just wanted to show the various facets of their lives with this chap. In the next chapter we shall see how they will be forced together. ;o)**

**Please review before you go. It's my one and only payment! Pretty please?**

**Check out my FB page for more info and fun!**

**Until next time, loves.**

**Xxx Lina :o)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Welcome back! I want to thank: dionne dance, TinkerbellxO, runs with myths, ForeverACharmedOne, Jandra1969, nuckythompson, MissMisc3, skycord1990, Makrciana, LabyFan23, XantheXV, PGAEmma, CharlieCats and BlooperLover.**

**Hugs for sticking with me! This is probably the last chapter with the back and forth bits. I promise! But I love writing them! Lol**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

'_**The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.'**_

_**~Lucius Annaeus Seneca**_

_Collinwood, 1782_

I fight hard to drink from the cold glass vial that is placed under my lips, my aching limbs protesting as I try to move upwards. I startle as a cold hand is placed under my head and helps me lift my face upwards. I struggle to open my eyes to see who is gently assisting me and I manage to half open my heavy eyelids. The blurry face of my husband is looming over me, his expression hopeful, his eyes wild in their intensity and I turn my head away from the little bottle so that I can speak.

"Barnabas?" My voice is harsh, groggy and my throat is burning with dryness.

"You must drink this." He tells me quietly, his voice a deep timbre with an animalistic tinge to it. I frown when he touches my chin to tilt my head towards the vial. Why is he so cold?

"What is it?" I ask and I can feel my skin burning with fever.

"It shall help you get well. I promise. But you must drink it now." He tells me almost frantically and I smile a bit.

"You don't want me to die?" I ask and his face seems pale, too pale and I frown because I only just now notice the darkness around his eyes.

My mind hurries to recall when I have seen him like this before, but I am too tired. I can still feel the wetness of my blood tickling from my insides, sticking to the skin of my inner thighs and staining the sheets of our bed. A tear leaks from my right eye and I am shocked when he leans down and wipes it away with his frozen lips. I shudder.

"You must get under the covers…Y-you're cold." I whisper with difficulty.

"I shall once you drink this." He tells me after a few moments and I faintly nod. What would it matter if I didn't? I know no one can stop my bleeding. I've brought this upon myself. I don't fear dying. I have been close to death before, but he saved me. Now, I am only afraid of leaving him alone. I don't want to leave him. There are so many things I haven't told him.

"Open your mouth. _Now_, Elita." His voice has a hard edge to it, as if he has little time, and I can only oblige. I always had trouble refusing him. He has always been disarming in his gentleness and warm words. I always feel bad when I go against him.

I part my lips and he tilts the small bottle so that whatever liquid is inside it can find its way into my waiting throat. As soon as the thick sticky liquid enters my mouth I start coughing. The taste is awful, metallic and pungent. I want to vomit.

"No, you must keep it down!" Ηis hand is suddenly over my mouth in an attempt to prevent any unexpected vomiting and I widen my eyes. Half of it is in my mouth. I cannot swallow that…thing. It tastes like…like…I don't even know what it tastes like. I just know that I cannot swallow.

"Elita, please. You must." His voice is a hiss and I cannot keep the thick substance in my mouth for much longer. I must either swallow it or spit it out. I take a look at his clouded face and I make a choice.

I swallow and fight hard against my gag reflexes. His face seems relieved and I am suddenly pulled against his strong hard chest. He presses his cheek against the top of my head and I can feel the frozen temperature of his skin through my thick hair. I swallow multiple times because the liquid is not easy to be wiped from my tongue and I wince while clutching my stomach. I don't know how many minutes pass like this, but he doesn't let go of me.

I take big gulping breaths, trying to clear my throat of the metallic taste the vile thing has left on my lips and tongue and then I speak hoarsely.

"That was disgusting." I whisper, but I can already feel my limbs getting less sore. I can feel my eyes losing their foggy mist. I can sense that the blood has stopped leaking from me. I feel… better, but still weak.

"I think that's how blood would taste." I murmur and the only response I get is the rising and falling of his chest against my cheek. From my place in the cradle of his arms I can see the first rays of sunshine as the sun rises in the clear sky of Collinsport and a feeling of serenity overcomes me.

The breathy exhalation of my husband causes me to blink and it is then that I feel his hand against my face, his fingers gently rubbing the skin of my cheek. I don't know if it is my warmth or the relief he feels for my compliance, but his skin feels different. It's soft again, the texture smooth and the warmth is back again. The touch takes me back to that night he touched me with no reserve and I snuggle deeper against him. I can feel his lips on my head and my eyes flutter closed when he entangles his fingers in my hair, his nails gently scratching my scalp in a way that has always been comforting to me.

By the time I fall asleep without the burden of pain, the sun is high on the sky and my husband's embrace is still tight around me. Before I let myself slip into the arms of blissful oblivion I hear him speak.

"Thank you."

In my sleep, I smile.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Two years ago, Collinsport…_

I can hear people whispering as I pass through the market, but I have decided not to let them get to me. I have decided not to care what they say. I have decided not to let them pity me. I have heard all kinds of comments the past few days; comments of pity about the poor girl whose fiancé abandoned her in favor of the low servant girl with the bright green eyes and fiery auburn hair, and the other kind of comments that were more vastly circulated in the tight society of the town. Those comments speak about my reserved character and since the disappearance of James I now have the fame of an ice queen who is too cold to hold onto a man. No one seems to mind my young years since to them I am already a spinster who is unlikely to marry well.

I shake my head at how people think, before I come to stand in front of the butcher's little shop. I whisper my order for the day and I just know that my mother would hate it if she knew that I am doing our maid's work.

I feel eyes upon me and the stares remind me of my previous musings. Most people are sad for my father's pride and honor, while some laugh behind our backs because the betrothal took place far too quickly for our community's standards. I want to laugh at their reasoning and I want to cry for letting a man make a fool out of me. In the end, James didn't seem to care much for my fortune nor for my name. His business allegiance with my father was the least of his priorities too as it seems.

"Miss?" A voice snaps me out of my haze and I turn to look at the young butcher boy who is standing timidly behind his stand, his hand already outstretched with my purchase.

I shake my head and blink numerous times, before I take the wrapped meat and hand him the money. He smiles and I return it. His freckled cheeks flush as I do so and even his ears seem to be on fire.

I shake my head and turn to walk away with a small twitch of my lips. At least one is not judging me.

"Elita!"

The familiar voice startles me and I turn around only to see my mother coming towards me. She is angry and I already know why.

"Mother." I murmur as she grabs my hand and starts pulling me rather surreptitiously towards the opposite direction of where I had been heading, "Mother!" I snap.

"Silence. Just walk." She hisses at me and I frown.

As we take the secluded path that leads to our house, she pauses and turns to look at me.

"Didn't I tell you not to go outside alone? What are you thinking, child?" She whispers and I close my eyes briefly.

"I wanted some fresh air." I reply and she sighs.

"Then take it in our garden. People are still talking! Do you know what news his mother has started circulating?" she asks me with wide eyes and slowly I shake my head.

"Mrs. Black?" I ask softly.

"Yes! Mrs. Black who is in silk because of us! Come inside." She orders me and I follow as a strange feeling is twisting my guts into a million knots.

As we enter our garden my mother turns to look at me again, "She's staining your honor. She claims that you…" she trails off, but I know what she wants to say.

"It's a lie." I say in a strong voice "And what does her son's elopement say about him?"

"She claims that he has loved the girl…And that she is pure unlike…" She huffs, "Your father is already in the process of hunting down James. Pray that he doesn't find him." Mother says quietly before she turns to walk inside.

"But it's a lie! Her parents are-…"

"Her parents! They are servants! Who is going to pay them any attention? Do not go outside alone. Let the situation cool a bit."

As she turns to go, the injustice of it all is smothering me.

"But it's not my fault! It's not fair! I didn't do anything. How can they judge something they do not know?" I ask as tears gather in my eyes.

She falters and turns to look at me, "We are women. Life's never fair for us. Your father will take care of it." She tells me crisply and I cannot stand the bite in her voice. She is my mother. How can she talk to me in this tone?

"So, now you think it's my fault too?" I cry and she freezes with her back still turned, "I am the one to blame now? He used me! He tricked me and when he realized that I finally saw him for what he really is he decided to leave! Because that's what cowards do! They just abandon everything and just go. How can you judge me too?" My voice is thick with my complaints and the injustice of the situation and she finally snaps.

She whirls around to me, "Because you don't listen, Elita! This is all your fault! I have raised you to choose better! I told you time after time that he is not good for you. His gaze was not clear. His smiles were not sincere. His whole being is a lie! I hope he dies where he is because if he doesn't your father will not leave this go unpunished." With those words she turns and storms away and I am left feeling like an idiot.

I blink and even though I know who James is and what he's done, my heart and insides still clenched at the mention of his much deserved punishment.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A knock on the door makes me blink. I hurriedly wipe my cheeks from the remnants of tears and clear my throat.

"Yes?" I hate how hoarse my voice is. Pathetic. How can you have feelings for a man who betrayed you? The human nature is an odd thing indeed. We always love what is worst for us.

The door opens and Nellie peers in, "Miss? Lady Katherine ordered me to help you get ready." She says quietly and I frown.

"Get ready? What for?" I ask sharply.

"You are invited to dinner, madam."

"Where?"

"At Collinwood, ma'am."

I tense up, "What? Do you know why, Nell?"

The maid nods and enters my chamber quickly, gently shutting the door behind her, "Your father asked Mr. Collins' help, my lady."

"Help for what?"

"To clear your name. I don't know how exactly, but Mr. Collins agreed." Nellie whispers into my ear.

"Barnabas Collins?" I ask with a small frown.

"No, ma'am. The elder Mr. Collins." Nellie smiles at me, but I find no joy in the news. I am not sure how those people will judge me…I don't want to step foot into their house again; not after what happened at the ball.

"I shall tell my mother-…"

"Miss, your mother said that you have to go. That it's for the best." Nellie stops me short and I falter. I don't want to face those people, but I have to.

"Alright." I nod weakly and she smiles.

"What dress shall I bring?" she asks with excitement, but I don't share the sentiment.

"Whatever you like, Nell." I whisper.

"I shall take out…the blue! It matches your eyes, ma'am." She says with barely contained joy and I am suddenly suspicious.

"Do you know something that I don't?" I ask and she falters.

"Ma'am?" She blinks.

"Nellie?" I warn.

"Your mother told me to make you pretty, ma'am. Young Mr. Collins will be there-…"

"And so?" I cut her off sharply, "I am not looking for a suitor, Nell."

"No, ma'am! Of course not, ma'am, but…Haven't you heard?" she asks and I sigh.

"Heard what?" I am beyond exasperated. I want to be left alone.

"His parents do not agree with his choice of bride…They say his betrothal is nearly in ruins because Ms. Du Pres is rather insulted by his family's reaction to her…She's very sensitive." Nellie murmurs quietly and I blink.

"Why do they not want her? She's lovely." I wonder out loud.

"She is a newcomer, ma'am…They fear of their family's name and fortunes…"

"For the love of God! She is from Martinique, not the isle of Tortuga!" I almost scream at how our world works.

Nellie flushes, "Indeed, Miss." She pulls out a pale blue dress with a flourish and I want to scream. That dress will be my prison…And who knows what the verdict will be…?

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I watch as my parents enter the grand mansion with joyous and lively footsteps, but I falter behind them. I feel odd tonight…I feel like I don't belong in here.

The smell of freshly picked roses along with the thick scent of roasted turkey fills my nostrils and my stomach rumbles. I clutch at it and frown. Oh, right. I haven't eaten properly in over a week. It's rather pathetic and I prided myself in not being a weakling.

"May I take your cloak, ma'am?"

I turn my gaze to the maid who is standing in front of me. She is darkly beautiful. Her blue eyes are mischievous, but they are shining with an emotion I can only identify as …sympathy. I try hard not to frown.

"Yes, thank you, um…" I shrug out of my cloak and hand it towards her. Her pale hands grasp it firmly and I am shocked at how smooth her hands look. Odd thing for a servant girl.

"Angelique, ma'am. This way." She extends her hand towards the large parlor and I take a deep breath before I step further in.

"Thank you." I nod absently.

"My condolences, madam." She speaks from behind me and I frown hard as I turn to look at her from over my shoulder.

"Excuse me?" I whisper. What is she talking about? Condolences?

"Angelique, thank you. I shall escort Ms. Heartcowl to the dining room. You are excused."

I am by now familiar with his voice and so when he appears by my side I am not surprised.

"Miss, welcome back." He bows his head and takes my hand. He shakes it gently before he hooks it in the crook of his elbow, effectively pulling me closer.

The maid bows and walks away calmly, almost reluctantly I would say.

"Thank you for the invitation, Mr. Collins. It's very kind of you." I murmur as we start walking up the stairs.

"Do not mention it…But, do I detect resentment in your voice, my Lady?" he asks and I can feel his eyes burning the side of my head. I turn to look at him.

"No one seems to pay any mind to our misfortunes…Although I do admit that part of them is my fault." I reply quietly and his forearm squeezes my arm in what I want to believe is reassurance.

"Madam, do not think too much on the opinion of closed minded people. They will only drag you down with them." He tells me and I smile.

"And you are not one of those narrow minded people." I fire with irk and he pauses, and I have to turn and face him.

His lips are twitching and I am not sure if it's in amusement or irritation. Maybe both…

"My dear lady, if I was one of them I wouldn't be walking alongside you…Especially if I believed those vicious rumors to be true." He says in a deceptively arrogant tone and I blink.

"Rumors, Mr. Collins? Pray, which one are you referring to?"

"Madam?"

"There are a lot of them. Tell me which one you mean." I clarify and I can see that he doesn't know what to say. So, I decide to help him.

"You are talking perhaps about the one that has me painted as the saucy rich girl who ended up ruining her future by letting a rogue debase her? Or perhaps you mean that I am too much of a frigid little nit to be seen on the arm of a man."

He looks upset, "Madam, I do not believe in rumors. And I have always thought you to be rather hot-blooded, my Lady." He grins and I flush. I can see that there is pain in his eyes though…A pain that can easily be disguised as sympathy. I can tell he has his own problems to solve.

I clear my throat, "And how would you know? You've just met me, sir." I fire back and he smirks.

"I just do. Shall we proceed?" He offers me the arm that I dropped a few moments ago and I eye it with apprehension before I decide to slip my hand through his elbow again.

"Oh, the cold!" He murmurs teasingly and I can't help but smile a bit at his words. He looks proud of the accomplishment.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Dinner is quiet…Even my mother is silent. Odd. I stare at her, but she only shakes her head at me and motions at my half eaten plate.

I can see that no one has a great appetite and I wonder why. They all seemed jolly when we arrived…What changed?

I turn to look at Barnabas who is seated next to me, but he is eating quietly. Actually he and I are the only people who are eating. Our parents are all stiff and long faced. What on earth is going on?

I clear my throat, "Excuse me, Mr. Collins." I address the elder man and he blinks out of his daze to look at me.

"Young lady?" He murmurs.

I shift in my seat, "What is that letter there?" I point at the open letter that is next to his plate and he falters.

I look at his son and he is amused by my abrupt decision to solve the great mystery of silence that has fallen upon us. He winks at me and reaches out to take a long sip of the red wine. I am momentarily taken aback by the purse of his mouth and I know he is amused by me.

I can live with that.

"Yes, we shall discuss this while taking our brandy in the parlor." Mr. Collins replies and my father nods in reassurance.

I frown, "Is it something bad? Have we angered you, sir? Father?" I turn and look at my father and he takes a deep breath, but it seems like the words die in his mouth.

"Forgive my eagerness, but it seems both the lady and I are curious to see what has you in such bad spirits." Barnabas says loudly and his mother looks at him warningly.

He ignores her and looks at Master Joshua expectantly.

"Very well…" Master Joshua nods and picks up the letter. I put my fork down and fold my hands upon my lap.

"This letter is the reason I invited you here tonight." He starts and I look at his son who is leaning forward on his seat, his elbow on top of the table as he looks upon his father with interest.

"Is it something bad?" I ask and my mother clears her throat.

"It's something surprising…Something you won't take lightly." She says softly.

I blink, "Me? Is it for me?"

"This letter was addressed to me…The man who was in search of your former fiancé sent it to me…"

"Why to you, sir? If you don't mind my asking, that is…" My heart has dropped to my stomach by now.

"Because he was under my employ." He replies and I blink in realization.

So, that's the help he had offered my parents. They were looking for James…like he was their prey…But why? Why was he so interested in him?

"I see…Tell me, sir." I insist and I don't even know why.

"The _Bearer_…was pillaged by pirates, Elita." My mother cuts straight to the bone and I tense up.

"Pirates?" I echo.

"They burned the ship and everyone in it. They spared no one. Not even its captain." Master Joshua says quietly and I freeze.

"Beg pardon?" I whisper.

"The man can no longer shame you, young lady, because he is dead."

"Father!" Young Mr. Collins snaps angrily as he slams his hand on top of the table, "What are you doing? What kind of tone is this? Have respect for the dead." he says crisply as he eyes me with concern.

"It's the truth. I am sorry, my child, but I must continue." Master Joshua says sadly and I can sense he's sincere, "Among his belongings…were several letters that were addressed to him from quite a few ladies of Maine…They were all…letters of endearment."

"And how would you know that, Father?" Barnabas is talking, but I hear none of it. Their voices are ringing loudly in my ears and my vision is blurry. I place a hand over my chest and I can feel my heart thundering against my sweaty palm.

James...is dead? _Dead?_

I blink and shake my head before I abruptly stand, knocking the chair to the floor as I do so.

My mother gasps and starts to sit up, but I am already fleeing the dining room. My eyes are stinging, but no tears leak from them; they are frozen behind my eyelids.

I can vaguely hear my parents shouting my name and I can distinctly hear Lady Collins advising them to leave me alone and I only walk faster.

I pass a couple of maids on my way out and once I step onto the garden I take big gulps of air, desperately trying to fill my lungs with life. I cannot breathe properly, cannot function, but somehow my legs take me to the woods behind the mansion. I lean against a tree and close my eyes, but the tears that are clouding my vision still do not fall. What's wrong with me? Perhaps they know not to fall because the man doesn't deserve them, he is not worthy of them…But he is dead. You cannot curse the dead. They are above us now. They have been excused of their sins…Or perhaps I am wrong… Perhaps they are below us, burning in the everlasting fire of the underworld, paying for the wrongs they had committed during their lives.

I am not sure if James could ever make it to Heaven. Not if the world is fair…Not when he took the poor girl with him and forced her to endure the wrath of his own fate. I want to weep for the girl, for his crew and for the life I lost, but I cannot. My eyes do not listen to my mind and heart.

My eyes snap open when I hear the rustling of leaves and branches and I push away from the tree because I do not wish to be found; not yet. I am not ready to listen to what anyone has to say to me. As I walk further into the woods, I imagine-...No. I can _literally_ almost hear the voices. They tell me not to weep, not be sad. They tell me, no they command me to be happy for the way things turned out. But I cannot. Not when my heart still isn't sure what is best for me. I don't know if a life of lies and deception with James would be worse than a lifetime of heartache and unreciprocated love. Because James did not love me. I am sure of it.

I stumble as I walk and my curly hair falls in front of my face, flowing with the wind and I don't care how I must look. I can feel the pins holding my hair up loosening and as they fall to the soil underneath my feet I feel liberated. Strands of my hair slap my face and I hiccup dryly. I clamp my hand over my mouth as I move forward still and shake my head.

My life took a turn for the worse. It has been only a few weeks since I started assembling my wedding china, my sheets, my linens…I had been planning my life, but all those things are locked, and will remain locked, inside the intricate chest I had been saving them in; just under my bed. That's the only thing left from my dreams.

As I walk, the scent of the salty wind reminds me of the town I've lived in for the majority of my life. The smell of sea has always calmed me, but now, as I think of James' fate, I find no solace, no peace in its heady scent. It's a harsh reminder of what I've lost, it's a reminder of what made him what he was.

I am eager to reach the edge of the hill that is expanded in front of me. I want to look at the sea, I want to find peace again; I want to cry, but my pride does not let me. It just won't let me cry for someone who doesn't deserve it.

I gulp and look down at the sea and the raging waves. Now I can understand why this hill is so infamous. Now I know what all those women felt when they leaped to their deaths. They felt empty, hollow, used in their own way. They felt despair, anger and maybe resentment for their own choices and mistakes. Resentment, because they could have easily escaped heartache and salvaged their lives by simply choosing differently.

I don't know if the wind has picked up or if it's the thrill of being near the edge of the peak, but I feel an instinctive urge to just let go. It's funny because I don't wish to die. I'd never die for a man and James does not-…

"No." I murmur and shake my head.

He _didn't_ deserve it. Past tense. He didn't. I nod my head eagerly in an attempt to believe it. And I do…but I cannot forget that easily. I cannot just erase him from my mind and heart because he has deep roots in there. But I know that I can easily hate him for what he was and what he did.

I lean forward, just to see what it would be like down there. I have never walked that part of the beach. Mother wouldn't let me because the entire town thinks that Widow's is haunted and maybe they are right because the wind is talking. If you allow yourself to simply _listen_, you will hear all those women shouting, crying, advising you not to do it, because it simply is not worth it. I can hear them trying to convince me that tasting death, and giving into your weakness will not make everything better.

_It's just not worth it._

I nod my head, because they are right; the voices are right. It's not worth it. _He's_ not worth it.

I move then, going against the wind that's pushing me forward and I frown when I am too weak to fight it. My foot takes a step to the left and my heel stumbles against a root that's buried deep in the earth. I gasp when my ankle is twisted into an awkward angle and I clutch at the folds of my skirts as I try to keep my balance. It's of no use though, for I start falling to the side and I can see the edge of the peak coming closer to my face. I close my eyes shut, but a hand grasps a firm hold of my skirt and another pillows my head before it reaches the rocky ground. I suck in a quick breath as I am pulled backwards and into a warm body.

"God's sake!" My rescuer gasps as he too loses his balance and falls on his back with me on top of him.

My cheek is pressed against the buttons of his waistcoat and I can feel them digging into my skin, but I do not care because even if I caused him to stumble with my weight he has yet to let go of me. In fact his arms are tight around me and his breathing is fast and labored. I can hear his heart thumping against his chest and I swallow against the lump in my throat.

"What were you thinking? Ms. Heartcowl?! What on earth were you-…" his voice is harsh from fright and I nod.

"I wasn't…" I trail off as the traitorous tears start falling down my cheeks. I want to scream, I want to explain to him that I wasn't trying to kill myself. Because he's not worth it…He _was_ not worth it.

"He's not…worth it." I choke out as my tears soak his shirt and vest.

He exhales and I can feel his hand cradling the side of my head. He doesn't move or try to sit up.

"I know." He whispers and at his admission harsh sobs rack my body with a force that I never thought possible before.

He doesn't move and he doesn't speak; he doesn't push me away to mutter about propriety. He just lets me be and I am thankful. I am thankful it is him who saved me, because I don't mind the debt. I really don't.

**End of chapter 4**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. If you did or if you have any thoughts at all, please let me know with a comment. It'd make my day!**

**See? I didn't confuse you too much with the back and forth bits this time, right? So, thoughts, please?**

**For info and news check out my Facebook page. The link's on my profile.**

**Until next time!**

**Special thank you to _Dionne Dance_ for pointing some things out about this chap! Thank you, love!**

**Xxx Lina :o)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello, darlings! How are you all? I am sorry this chapter took so long.**

**I want to thank: Jandra1969, MissMisc3, LabyFan23, nuckythompson, XantheXV, sparrowismyhummingbird, PGAEmma, CharlieCats, ForeverACharmedOne, skycord1990, dionne dance, Makrciana and runs with myths. Thank you for your support.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

'_**Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.'**_

**_~Bruce Lee_**

_Collinwood, 1782_

For a moment I think I am about to stumble, but as I keep walking towards the sound I realize that even if I feel a bit weak I am not going to fall. I brace a hand on the wall as I take small, baby steps down the hall. I frown a bit as I notice the wide open windows. Sunlight is falling inside the mansion in abundance and it is warming my feet which are covered by my slippers.

"Lady Collins?" Helen's voice is startling and I turn to look at her as she rushes over to me, "Shall I help you?" she asks with worry and I smile a bit at her.

"No, Helen. I just wanted to stretch a bit." I say quietly and she frowns.

"Where are you heading? I can walk you there. Master will be very cross with me if he finds out that I left you alone." She is earnest and I have to smile again.

"It's alright. I am totally able to walk." I repeat and she looks hesitant, but eventually nods.

"Who is playing?" I ask and she smiles deeply.

"Master is in the drawing room, madam." She tells me with a flush and I chuckle. Barnabas always made the staff blush when he was around.

"I see…Why are all the windows open?" I ask curiously as I place a hand on my still slightly swollen stomach. I try to ignore the dull ache in my chest when I feel nothing gently bumping against my hand.

"Master ordered us to open the windows, ma'am. He said it would be good for the humidity. Are you cold? Shall I fetch you your shawl?" she asks and I shake my head gently.

"No, thank you."

She bows and takes a step back, but I have another thought, "Helen?"

"Madam?"

I clear my throat, "Um, is there perhaps more of that medicine master gave to me? My bones feel a bit achy today." I say softly.

Helen frowns, 'Um, I am not sure what you're talking about, ma'am…"

"What do you mean?" I ask her uneasily, "Didn't the doctor give me anything?"

Helen sputters like a fish, "I am sorry, ma'am, but the doctor had no hopes. He said that you'd lost too much blood. He was shocked when he found out you survived."

I shake my head and an odd feeling burns my insides like scorching iron.

"There is no medicine?" I clarify and she slowly shakes her head in denial.

"None that I know of, madam…Shall I make you some tea though? It will be good for you." Helen suggests with a smile and I blink, still confused.

"Um, yes. Do that…I shall take it in the balcony."

"But it's chilly." Helen frowns.

I pause, "Good." I murmur and then continue walking down the hall.

After some time, I arrive in front of the drawing room. I take a deep breath and place my hand on the handle. I twist it downwards and then push the door open. It opens silently and the music is louder now. I peer into the room and my eyes are quick to settle upon the man sitting on the stool in front of the pianoforte.

The French doors are wide open and sunlight is falling onto his form, accentuating the way his fingers move fluidly over the keys. My heart starts beating faster and he pauses. His head quickly swivels in my direction and I am forced to endure the intensity of his brown gaze. I walk inside the room and hover nervously at the threshold. He smirks a bit and I blink. Is it even possible for him to hear the rapidness of my heartbeat? Impossible.

The breeze is disturbing the nightgown and robe at my feet and the folds part along with it. His gaze is drawn upon my legs and his eyes do a slow perusal of my body, before he smiles and turns to focus on his playing.

I linger, not knowing how I should act after my last breakdown. Should I apologize for destroying the washroom? Should I apologize for offending him? He has offended me too, but he was quick to come back to me. His anger, unlike my own, doesn't last for long. Maybe I should just remain silent and listen to the music as it flows from his fingers. There was a time when he couldn't play. That had been the reason to bring us closer before our marriage.

My mother always insisted that I should learn how to play the piano and like any other daughter I had agreed, but only because I liked it. There were a few things that she had forced me into and just because I didn't like them I wasn't good at them.

"You're up." His quiet murmur breaks me from my stroll down memory lane and I look at him.

"Yes." I whisper and fumble with my hands as his melody doesn't falter, "Aren't you cold?" I ask as a particularly strong wind sweeps my hair from my shoulder.

He inhales sharply, as if the wind has brought a lavish scent with it, and then he slowly shakes his head.

"No." he pauses and turns to look at me, his hands upon the keys still, "Won't you come closer?" he asks me with a tiny frown and I blink.

I push my hands to my sides and shut the door, before I slowly make my way towards him. As I drift closer, he pulls a hand away from the piano and outstretches his arm out towards me.

I know that my palms are sweating, but I have no time to wipe them dry. My hand reflexively slips into his own and he closes his fingers tightly around it. With a swift move he tugs me closer until my bottom is sliding smoothly over the piano bench. My thigh presses against his, and the fabric of his breeches is smooth against my bare knee. Gently, he places my hand on his clothed thigh and then reaches out to briefly caress my knee.

I startle because he was never this forward with me. Not even after I had conceived; not even during the time of my pregnancy.

His fingers slide smoothly over my skin and then he gives my knee a firm squeeze before he lets go and places both hands on the keys.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me quietly and I am momentarily distracted by the way the wind is disheveling his short hair.

"Elita?"

I blink and swallow thickly, "I am better…My bones feel a bit odd." I say quietly and he turns to look at me. He lifts a hand and brushes it over my cheek before he nods.

"Good."

His fingers resume their playing and I have the sudden urge to flee. Why do I feel so embarrassed? I start pulling back, but his voice stops me.

"Stay."

I am not sure if it's a command or a wish from his part, but I am unable to move after that. I frown and settle back down, my hands clenching and unclenching on my robe. I listen to the soft melody and then I take a deep breath, "Barnabas?" I start and he looks at me sideways without stopping.

"My love?" he murmurs and I freeze at the endearment. I am completely at a loss. My breath hitches annoyingly, but I carry on.

"Whatever you gave me that night helped me…May I ask if there is more?" I ask and he falters a bit in his tune.

He looks up for a moment before he turns and pins me to my seat with his stare.

"Why?"

"My bones feel achy is all." I reply and he nods.

"I might be able to get some tonight if the pain is too much." He says softly.

I nod, "Thank you…What is it?" I ask and he drops his hands from the keys and eyes his wrists for a moment, roughly tugging at his sleeves before he turns on the bench so he is facing me.

"It's an old remedy…A concoction of herbs if you will." He replies at last and I cock an eyebrow.

"It seemed odd…The taste was peculiar." I say and he nods.

"Indeed." He sighs softly and looks outside the doors for a moment, before he looks at me again, "Do you want to play?" he asks and I slowly shake my head.

"Why not?" He asks me gently.

"You play better."

He laughs huskily and shakes his head, "I had a good teacher." He tells me and I flush a bit.

"I have something to say." I start and he tilts his head to the side in query.

"Oh? And what is that?"

I avert my eyes, "I wish to apologize for the way I behaved-…"

His finger against my lips silences me and my eyes widen. He lets it rest there for a while, before he drags it languidly over my lips in a caress.

"Shh, hush. You shouldn't apologize to me." He looks angry and his gaze is fierce, filled with emotions that I cannot name, "Don't ever apologize to me again. Swear it." He murmurs and I blink, gently taking his hand in my own.

His eyes snap down to our hands and he licks his lips before he focuses on my face again.

"I cannot make such a promise. You never know what I might do." I say and the slow twitch of his lips brings butterflies in my lower stomach.

"Likewise." His eyes travel south and I am shocked at how blatant his stare is. I feel exposed, but at the same time warm. Is that even plausible?

"I…I m going to have tea outside." I say just to cover the silence and his eyes almost guiltily snap up to my face. I want to smile.

"I'll join you for a while. Then I have to be at the docks." He says as he reaches out and fingers a lock of my blond hair, "Won't you get cold?" he murmurs and I shrug.

"After everything, feeling something so normal is a relief." I say.

"Normal…yes. We take everything for granted, don't we? But I suppose that is just human nature." His voice is quiet, his gaze distracted and I wonder if it's because of me.

"I suppose." I whisper and then I start standing up. He follows me, his hands sliding smoothly over the pianoforte before he outstretches his hand towards the balcony.

I walk ahead of him, cautious of my aching limbs and just as I step outside something warm and heavy is draped over my shoulders. His coat is warm and it smells of him and I am suddenly nervous; as nervous as I had been when I had first stepped foot into this mansion.

His hands are gently rubbing my arms and his face is close to my neck. His palms slide down my front and then they gently palm my stomach before they settle on my hips. His fingers remain still there, but when his nose skims up and down my neck they start rubbing my hipbones in circles.

I watch as Helen prepares the tea at the far side of the balcony, where the view is the most spectacular, but suddenly tea pales in comparison to the warmth that is around me. I can feel his breath, hot and moist against my neck, and when his lips touch my skin I startle, not quite accustomed to such open displays of affection. Don't get me wrong; being affectionate is in his nature, but this is different; this feels too intense.

He inhales deeply and prods the spot he has just kissed with his nose, as if trying to find the remnants of his lips there, as if trying to find his mark. When I swallow, he groans softly and his lips are back on my neck, just above my pulse spot, hot and insistent. I am sure he can feel the wild beating of my heart and I flush.

"Barnabas." I scold lightly and he moans contently before he stops to breathe heavily against my neck.

"You smell lovely." He murmurs hoarsely and my eyes widen.

_Lovely?_ I haven't even taken a bath because of my weakness and heavy limbs. Surely he is just jesting.

"The tea is ready, Lady Collins." Helen calls and he pulls away from my neck. His hands linger a bit on my hips and then he is gone from behind me.

I watch with wide eyes as he heads over to the table and pulls a chair out for me. He is expectant.

I blink, trying to push away the veil of haze that has fallen over me and then walk over to him. As I sit down, I feel his hand briefly stroking my neck and in the next second he is sitting beside me.

Feeling too surprised, ruffled and dazed to speak, I simply pick up my teacup and take a sip. The taste feels divine and I am already dreading the vile taste of Barnabas' magical medicine. As I think about it, I can't help but feel curious of what is in it.

Feeling eyes on me, I look up and lock my eyes with Barnabas' heated gaze. As our gazes connect he smiles and I am once again lost, for the tingling on my neck is still there even after his kiss. My skin prickles as I recall the odd happenings on the night of my miscarriage. As his gaze does not move away from me, I can't help but wonder if my _dream_ was no dream, but reality. What shocks me to my core is that I don't care as long as he keeps looking at me like the way he is now. I come to the alarming conclusion that perhaps I am going mad.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Collinsport, 1780_

The basket in my hand is heavy, but I don't care. The walk through the woods was grounding, refreshing, peaceful. I have decided not to let my misfortune militate my life. I walk with my head held high, no longer caring of the whispers that accompany my every public appearance. It's ridiculous really. After a while it just gets ludicrous and irritating to be the center of every gossip.

I look down as I take the path to my house and my eye catches sight of the oranges I have just bought. They smell divine and as I start walking closer and closer to our garden, I take one out and start peeling it. As soon as the skin is off, I pop a piece in my mouth and start to chew. The taste is sweet, heady and I smile.

"Your spirits are high." A voice from my right startles me and I almost choke on my fruit.

Barnabas Collins is on top of his white horse and he's galloping towards me. I pause and once he is on my side he slows down and smiles at me.

"Good morning, Ms. Heartcowl." He inclines his head politely before he hops down from his horse.

I smile a little, "Good morning, sir." My eyes are immediately drawn to his horse and he notices. He grins and brings the horse to a stop before he turns to me.

"Would you like to pet him? He is a man, so I suspect he enjoys petting from a lady. Especially from such a lovely one." He tells me and I chuckle.

"You're such a charmer, Mr. Collins." I say quietly and I watch as he pats the horse's side with his gloved hand, "What do you call him?" I ask and he grins.

"Want to take a chance at guessing?" He asks me as I approach and gently touch the horse's mane.

"Hmm…That's a tricky question, sir." I murmur and he smirks, but as I look up I see a cloud in his eyes. He tries to hide it by focusing his gaze on the horse as well.

"I had a horse named Spirit once." I say and he nods.

"Beautiful name. Mare or stallion?"

"Stallion." I shake my head, "I prefer boys." I say and he chuckles.

"Do you have one now?" He asks curiously as I pet the horse.

"No…We had to put him down after a serious injury." I say with a small shrug, "I am not good at guessing."

He smiles, "His name is Winter."

I frown, "Beautiful, but sad." I note.

"Yes, well, he is a newcomer and he has arrived at a rather…glum period in my life." He clears his throat and I avert my eyes. I think I know why he says that.

"I see…How is your fiancée?" I ask politely and he stiffens.

"I would not know, Ms. Heartcowl. I haven't seen her. And she is no longer my betrothed." He replies tersely and my eyes widen.

"I apologize." I mutter quickly, "I've soured your mood." I gaze at him with contrition and he shakes his head.

"No, madam. You have not." He gives the horse one last pat and then smiles at me, "Would you like to ride him?" he changes the subject quickly and I frown, "After you have finished your fruit, I mean." He smiles a bit at me and I realize that I am still holding onto the peeled orange. I quickly throw it away and reach for an apple instead. I look at Mr. Collins questionably, waiting for permission and he nods with a small smile.

I give the apple to Winter and he munches it quickly, letting out a content whine as he does so. We both chuckle.

"Careful or he might fall in love with you." Mr. Collins warns and I shrug.

"Someone has to." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and I flush as he stops to stare at me.

I fidget under his gaze and when he stares at me too long I look up. He breaks the eye contact and smiles.

"Such nonsense, Ms. Heartcowl." He admonishes and I shrug, "Let me not hear you say such things again." He pats Winter's saddle and smiles at me, "Well?"

I hesitate and place the basket on the ground before I nod. He steps back while keeping a hand on the horse's side to soothe him and then I grasp at the reins. I climb on the horse with ease and he looks a bit surprised.

"Is there something wrong?" I ask and then I add teasingly, "Haven't you seen a lady ride before?"

He smirks a bit and I flush. But he saves me by chuckling, "I have not. My mother does not ride and Josette-…" he cuts himself short and shakes his head, "I am not accustomed to that." He murmurs at last and I blink.

'Oh…I've always found it liberating. And the horse gives you a sense of strength and serenity. Not easy things to find among people." I say quietly as I gently tug on the horse's reins. He starts moving smoothly and I can feel the rippling muscles as he moves his legs against my calves. I sigh.

Barnabas Collins looks up at me and shakes his head in amusement, "He will fall in love, I fear."

I smile as he leans down and picks up my discarded basket and then starts walking next to me and the horse.

"You never told me the reason of your visit." I say as my house gets closer and closer.

His shoulders tense up and as I am ready to apologize for my rudeness he shakes his head, "I had to call upon you…After that evening, I wanted to make sure you are well." He says quietly and I nod.

"Is that the only reason?" I ask him apprehensively and he takes a deep breath.

"Unfortunately not." He says ever so softly.

"Is something the matter?"

He looks up at me with a little confusion, "I beg your pardon, Ms. Heartcowl, but I was under the impression that you were aware of my family's intentions…" He frowns.

I blink, "Intentions?"

"Yes…Forgive me but, I do not know if I should say what is-…"

"Please, speak freely." I tighten my hold on the reins.

"I am not sure of what is going to happen myself, but…there was a reason my father agreed to help you locate Mr. Black's whereabouts." He starts and I nod.

"Yes, I was told that your fishing business will be a business partner to my father's company…" I trail off and he nods.

"Yes…that too…"

"Ah there you are!" My mother's voice is sharp and too cheerful for my liking. I stop the horse and look at her.

"Mr. Collins, your parents are already here. Come, come." My mother is waving us over and I suddenly realize the meaning behind his words.

My heart drops to my stomach and as Mr. Collins offers me a hand to assist me I can only stare at it. His face betrays his irk too and I quickly dismount the horse and hand him the reins. I take the basket from him and quickly storm into my house, ignoring my mother's hushed warnings.

"Elita! Elita!"

My feet quickly climb the stairs and once I am in my room I throw the basket away and run a hand through my windswept hair.

"Nellie, tend to our guests and offer some refreshments to young Mr. Collins. Quickly!"

I can hear my mother's words and my anger rises higher. I can feel my heart beating fast inside my chest and as she walks inside my room uninvited I whirl around to face her.

"If you are here to tell me to behave and come downstairs, I can tell you now that I won't." I say through gritted teeth and she shuts the door quickly.

"Such bad manners! The young man just offered you his horse, and he is willing to-…"

"To what? Restore my honor! Are you people mad? What are his parents doing here? And why did you not tell me anything about it this morning?" I ask her in a strained voice and she quickly pulls out her fan and starts waving it to cool herself.

"Child, don't you see why we did not tell you? You'd never achieve such a marriage on your own. Not after everything." Her voice is calm unlike my own hysterical one.

"Marriage? That's not the only purpose in life!" I almost scream at her, but I hold on to a modicum of propriety by keeping my voice as low as I can.

"When the wealthiest family is interested in you then yes, it is. You know how beneficial it will be for our family if this union solidifies itself?" She hisses at me.

"And what about what I want? Or what he wants? He is in love with someone else-…"

"The newcomers? Don't make me laugh! All they have is their exotic experiences."

I gape at her, "Are you even listening to yourself? What about love?"

"Yes, love! I saw where that took you!" she snaps harshly and traitorous tears fill my eyes.

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?" I whisper and she sighs.

"My child, don't make rush decisions. Think it well. You seem to like him."

"Like him? I hardly know him-…"

"That didn't stop you with James." She cuts me off, "Just think. You would feel so much better if you had a family of your own! A child of your own. You're of age. You must think of your future." She whispers soothingly and I avert my eyes.

"It's too soon-…"

"No, it's not." She cuts my speech again and I angrily purse my lips before I turn my back on her.

"Please, compose yourself and come downstairs. These good people want to get to know you." Her hand is on my hair and I flinch.

"But does their son?" I ask in a barely audible tone and my mother inhales deeply.

"He is a man, Elita. Don't you forget it. With one look of your pretty eyes he can forget anyone and see only you. Trust me."

"And what if I don't want to be seen by him?" I ask as I turn around to face her.

She tenses up, "Elita…"

"Are they here to ask my hand in marriage?" I ask her harshly and she frowns.

"Not yet. Of course not." She mutters.

"Not yet…" I trail off as I approach her, "You know, he would be the man I would choose to have as my husband." I start and her eyes light up, "If you hadn't chosen him for me." I add and her face darkens with shock and irk.

"Elita!"

"I'll be at the drawing room." I hiss as I pass by her and make my way out of the room. I slam the door behind me, not caring of the loud obnoxious rattle.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

My head is resting in my left palm as I am idly pressing on various keys. I am not really playing because I cannot when I am so upset. No, not upset. I am disappointed, let down, furious at how little choices I have and just because I am a woman. I wonder if the women will remain so oppressed forever. I wonder if it's fair to the half population of the world to be so miserable.

I sigh and my finger presses down harshly on one particular key. The sound that escapes my finger is odd and drawn out. I close my eyes and slap my hand hard on my knee.

"I cannot play." The voice startles me and I look up only to see Barnabas at the door. He is already in the process of shutting it and I straighten on the stool.

"You are lucky."

"Why?" He asks quietly as he approaches me hesitantly.

"No one bothers you in public events." I murmur as I eye the piano.

I can see his tiny smile from the corner of my eye, but I do not smile back.

"I need to apologize." He whispers as he places a hand on the piano and leans slightly against it.

"I am the one who did not show herself in the parlor." I say matter of factly.

"Ms. Heartcowl, I am the source of your grief. Trust me." He says roughly and I finally look up at him.

"No, because we are both forced in this…situation." I shake my head and I already feel bad for my behavior; at least towards him. I will never forget his kindness at Widow's Hill.

"You are too kind to me." I whisper and his eyes are alight with something that I cannot fathom.

"Ms. Heartcowl, that might be true, but…" he trails off and runs a hand through his dark hair, "I am in the wrong here."

"Why?" I ask and before I can have the chance to ask him to sit, he whirls around and away from me.

"I have lost Josette. My parents won't ever allow the union; that is true. But you are not the only eligible lady in Collinsport, or Maine." He starts and I frown as I slowly stand up.

"I am aware of that." I nod my head and I can hear him as he swallows hard, "But I don't understand."

He slowly turns around to face me and his face is set in a determined expression.

"Madam, I could have chosen anyone, if you can forgive the boast." He murmurs and my eyes widen, "But out of all the women, I chose you."

My knees feel weak and I suddenly regret my choice to stand up.

"Why?"

"You are underestimating your charms, my lady." He slips closer and my eyes widen, "But I mustn't credit only you and your beloved features." His voice is hoarse.

"Meaning?" I ask shakily.

"Ms. Heartcowl, you were the only woman my parents didn't _want_ me to choose." He says and I swallow the lump in my throat, "So, I chose you. Out of spite." He admits harshly and in a moment of sheer exhaustion I drop back to my seat. He leaps forward as if to catch me, but I raise my hand in warning.

"No." I shake my head as I repeat his words in my head over and over again.

"The blame lies on me, madam. I chose you. Hate me if you must, but I do not regret my actions." His voice floats around my ears with smoothness and I take a deep breath.

"If you send me away I shall understand." He says and I believe him. He will understand.

Slowly, I look up and lock eyes with him, "I won't send you away, my lord." I whisper and his eyes widen minutely, but he remains silent, obviously at a loss for words.

I slowly stand up, albeit a bit tremulously and walk towards him. I outstretch my hand and he stares at it for a few moments, before he quickly composes himself. He grasps my hand tightly and raises it to his lips. When his soft mouth touches my knuckles I nod at him and then quickly take my hand away.

His eyes are wide as he watches me move towards my piano again. I sit down and bite my lip.

At least one of us gets to take their revenge on life itself. I only hope he doesn't regret his decision.

'_**There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.'**__**  
**_**_~Homer_**

**End of chapter 5**

**Author's note: Liked it? Hated it? Please let me know! I need your feedback.**

**I hope you liked the glimpse to the future at the beginning. I just couldn't resist! :p**

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**Until next time, loves!**

**Xxx Lina ;o)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Welcome back! I want to thank: PGAEmma, Jandra1969, MissMisc3, nuckythompson, XantheXV, Makrciana, ForeverACharmedOne, LabyFan23, sparrowismyhummingbird, dionne dance, TinkerbellxO, CharlieCats and runs with myths. You all rock! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_**Family life itself, that safest, most traditional, most approved of female choices, is not a sanctuary: It is, perpetually, a dangerous place.**_

_**~Margaret Drabble**_

"I like the color, no matter what you say." My mother is speaking to me, but I am not really paying attention.

"Elita?"

I inhale deeply and tighten my hold on the dress box out of reflex as I stubbornly turn my head towards the left. I really cannot face her right now. I cannot talk about dresses, or fabrics, or hats; especially not with her.

"Are you even listening to me?" her voice is impatient, "Are you really going to be so childish?" She asks me and I turn to her, my face neutral.

"I think I shall. Since I am too young to make my own choices, I think I should act like a child. No?" I reply stiffly and she rolls her eyes. I hate it when she does that.

"I thought you had come into terms with the situation." She tells me and I blink.

"I am trying, but you're not letting me. I have plenty of dresses."

She gasps, "You cannot get engaged in an old dress! Do you know whom you're marrying? You'd be the laughing stock in town." Her voice is actually appalled and I wonder what exactly has happened to my mother to make her like this. Has she always been thinking like this? Where is the woman who told me that I'd marry the man I'd love when I'd grow up? Was it just a dream or a reality she had to create to make me trust her with my deepest secrets? I am not sure anymore.

"Barnabas told me that there won't be a crowd." I murmur and she stops.

"Excuse me? I was informed by his mother that the entire town will be invited. They didn't get the chance to have a big party at his previous unlucky betrothal. I was told Ms. Du Pres is very shy and that she detests crowds."

I smile a bit, "What a logical woman." I mutter and my mother frowns at me.

"Why would you say that? I'd think that if someone got engaged to such a man, they'd love to flaunt their good fortune!"

"Mother, who cares about that? I mean…all those people will only come for one reason; to gossip." I spat and she shrugs. I gape at her.

"Sweetheart, when you live in such a closed society, you must show who holds all the power." She replies with a small smirk and then picks up her pace.

I stay behind as she walks ahead, staring at her with anger, but mostly disappointment.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Elita!" my mother is calling me as I step foot into our garden, "Come! We have guests!" She is smiling as she stands at the threshold, but then she disappears into the house.

I falter a bit when I hear Mrs. Collins' voice coming from the back porch. I stop and tighten my hands on the box, but then something to my right causes me to gasp. Tied to the large oak tree of our garden is a horse; a Friesian stallion. I nearly stumble at the sight of it. It is tall, its wavy mane billowing with the breeze. It's like it's shimmering under the sun and I am breathless by its beauty.

"My God." I whisper as I take a step closer. I put the box down and approach the stallion, my footsteps slow and gentle as if not to startle him. As soon as I am close, I outstretch my hand and gently touch its mane. It's soft and silky under my palm and I smile.

"How did you get here?" I whisper as I stroke him.

"Do you like him?" I turn at the sound of the voice and I actually flush when I see Barnabas grinning at me. He is standing at the threshold with his hands behind his back.

"Do I like him?" my voice is incredulous, "He's perfect, but I do not understand." I say quietly as I run my fingers through the horse's mane.

Barnabas looks behind him for a brief moment before he steps out of the house and starts walking towards me.

"He is yours. I was told he is a bit rebellious, but I think you will have no trouble making him obey." He stops next to me and looks at the horse, "The stable staff had a really difficult time in making him sit still for them to brush his hair." He chuckles and I smile.

"I can imagine…Thank you. But it's too much." I murmur as I turn to face him.

He fidgets a bit, "Well…I think it fair compensation." He says softly and I blink in confusion.

"Compensation? For what?"

He steps closer, "I bought something that I need assistance with." he says with a small smile, "At the moment it's useless…But I think it won't be in the future. You shall see it soon, I suppose." he murmurs and looks at me softly, "What are you going to name him?" He asks and I bite my lip as I turn to face the horse.

"He is big…Doesn't he have a name?" I ask and Barnabas gives a small shrug.

"He is yours…You have to name him."

I caress the stallion's muzzle and take a deep breath, "He is dark and handsome…" I start and I can feel Barnabas' gaze on the side of my face, "But strong…" I bite my lip again, "I think I shall name him Cloud. He is dark and just as fast, I suppose." I turn my face towards Barnabas who is looking at me almost pensively.

"That's a sad name." He murmurs.

"So is Winter." I point out and he smiles a little.

"Fair enough. Would you like to take him for a ride-…?" His question is cut off by my mother's obnoxious yell.

"Elita!"

I sigh and give the horse one last pat before I motion towards the house, "We should go in." I say quietly and Barnabas follows me as I make my way towards the entrance.

"What's this?" I hear him ask and as I turn I see him holding the box which contains the dress. I flush and quickly take it from him.

"Some nonsense. Tea?" I offer instead and he frowns for a moment before he nods.

"Thank you."

As I make my way into the house I head directly for the kitchen while Barnabas makes his way to the back porch.

"Nellie, take this up to my room. I shall finish with the tea."

The maid is startled as I speak up and her eyes go wide, "But, madam-…'

"Do as I say." I cut her of gently as I hand her the box.

"Miss?"

"Hmm?" I add the leaves of tea into the water before I turn to look at her from over my shoulder.

"Is the horse yours?" Nellie asks with wide eyes.

I blink, "Yes."

"He must be so expensive. Mr. Collins rode it here himself. It's so tall and-…"

"Nellie. The box." I cut her off because I don't need to be reminded of the horse's price. I know the breed is expensive, but I also know the reason behind its purpose. It's my first gift as an engaged woman. In other words, it's a way to appease me, although I doubt it that he could ever buy something for someone just to flatter them.

I shake my head as Nellie walks away. I make the tea in silence.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"The whole town is invited of course." Lady Collins is smiling, "There will be food and drink all around. A proper engagement party."

I am focusing too much on my teacup and I know it. My mother is sitting beside me and Barnabas is to my right and he hasn't uttered a single word since I came outside.

"Have you found a dress, Elita? Or shall I help you?"

I look up at the question and I feel three pairs of eyes on me. I clear my throat before I speak.

"I have, madam. Thank you." I smile a little.

"Ah, lovely! What color? Tell me it's not blue again. Everyone seems to be wearing that color lately." Her eyes are on her son who is purposely avoiding her judging gaze. I turn to look at him and as I see his tightly clenched jaw I can tell he is upset by the comment.

I place my hand on the arm of my chair and I know he can sense my hand there because he turns and looks at it as it brushes against his forearm.

"Actually, madam, it is blue. I happen to adore the color." I reply tightly and my mother is already sputtering at my reply.

"But it's not-…"

"Mother, yes, it is. It is a deep blue with a very timid design on the fabric." I cut her off, knowing full well that the dress she forced me to buy is not blue; it's a dull green that I detest.

Lady Collins shifts in her seat and smiles out of necessity, "Well, I imagine the color will compliment you greatly at least." She replies stiffly and I smile widely.

My mother is glaring at me. My father is smirking and Barnabas is looking at me oddly; almost appreciatively.

I look down at my teacup again and their conversation seems far away as I get lost in my own world.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_I find myself in a large sunny room. The room is decorated with hundreds of white roses. The smell is divine and I curiously turn around to study the room. It is beautiful; grand and lavish. The space around me is filled with wrapped boxes and glasses of red wine._

_I turn towards the doors that lead outside and I can see that the path is decorated with more white and red roses. Petals are scattered upon the cobblestone path and various ribbons are hanging from trees, billowing with the breeze._

_I smile and as my eye catches sight of a thick bouquet of flowers, I pause. It is comprised of white orchids and I swallow hard as I take a look at myself. An elegant wedding dress is hugging my curves and I can feel a soft weight on my head. I reach up and finger the veil that is falling down my back. I turn and look at the long piece of cloth that is extending beyond the tail of my dress._

_I smooth my hands over the waist and I blink as I feel the silky texture of silk under my fingertips. I inhale deeply as I take a look at the lacy sleeves that are barely covering my arms. The neckline is deep, but modest, showing the top of my chest and I realize that I am barefoot. There are no shoes on my feet and I wiggle my toes, feeling the thick texture of the rug underneath my soles. _

_I walk gently towards the chair that holds the bouquet and I gently pick it up. The flowers are smooth and soft under my fingertips and I smile at their beauty._

"_You must come now." The female voice that speaks up is slightly familiar, but eerily distant._

_I quickly whirl around to face the person and what I see causes me to freeze. Josette Du Pres is standing at the threshold, her hand outstretched towards me and I gasp. It is not her sudden appearance that has me so shocked. It's the large crimson stain that is covering her abdomen. Her dress is identical to mine, except of the fact that she wears no veil. Her long blond hair is loose and wavy, but her skin is pale; too pale._

"_I'm sorry?" I whisper and she gives me a small smile._

"_It's time." She whispers and the smoothness of her voice almost unwillingly lures me outside. I reach out to touch her hand, but my fingers slip right through it. It's like trying to grasp air._

_She pulls me outside nonetheless and as I step onto the decorated path she moves away and steps to the side._

_I frown, but when she motions forward I turn and look ahead of me._

_At the far end of the path there is a man dressed in black and white. There are no other people; just him. I take a nervous step closer and as I walk I can finally tell who he is. _

_Barnabas. His hands are clasped in front of him and behind him there is a table that looks like it's made of stone. It reminds me one of those altars that ancient people used to make their sacrifices to heathen gods._

_I frown, but I have no time to look at it better because he outstretches his hand at me, concealing the altar from my vision._

_I blink as a breeze brings the veil in front of my eyes and as I take his hand, his fingers are quick to push away the offending material. His hand brushes a few locks that have escaped the pins and veil and I open my mouth to speak. How did I arrive in front of him so quickly? His fingertip quickly lands on my lips to silence me._

"_Not a word." He commands gently as his extremely dark eyes lock with mine. I furrow my brow and open my mouth to speak, but I realize that I cannot. My eyes go wide and I turn to my right to look at Josette. She is standing off the path, her now bloodied hands clasped over her chest._

_My breath hitches and as Barnabas grasps my chin and turns my head towards him I freeze. His sleeve is stained with blood. I look at his face, wanting, but being unable to walk away from him. I shudder when I focus on his lips. They are pink and firmly shut, but something thick and red is leaking from the corner of his mouth._

_I stumble back, but his hand is quick to hold me fast. I want to cry out, but I cannot. I drop the flowers and curl my hands on his crisp overcoat as his thumb brushes my lower lip._

_I lock eyes with him and he smiles at me. More blood oozes from his mouth and before I can try to break free, his fingers curl around my chin. He turns my head to the left and my gaze is immediately drawn upon the altar. Lying upon it, pillowed on a lacy tablecloth, it's a slowly beating heart; a torn heart._

_A hand threads its way into my hair, tearing the veil from my head and forcing me forward. Hot, moist lips fall upon my own and I inhale sharply through my nose. A metallic taste floods my mouth and I try to pull away, but he is not letting me. His tongue is hot and insistent and when I manage to pull my lips away, his breath is cool and oddly scented as it fans over my face._

"_You cannot do that. You must never leave me-…"_

I wake up in cold sweat, hysterically fingering my lips as I dry heave, trying to take in much needed air. I place a hand over my mouth and look around my room. It's still dark outside. I grope frantically for a candle and I light it before I push the covers away. I stand barefoot and make a quick grab for my coat. I throw it over my nightdress and head for the door.

I am quiet as I slip out of my room. I quickly head for the back door. I unlock it and once I am outside I place the candle on the ground. I shut the door and quickly walk towards the stable. Once I am in, I blink, trying to see in the darkness and the moonlight offers me enough light to spot Cloud.

I walk over and grab a saddle. I stroke his mane to soothe him and he lets out a soft neigh. He shakes his head, pressing it against my palm and as he does so his luxurious mane billows like a dark haze. I smile and lean my forehead against his neck before I grab at the reins. I walk him out of the stables and look out.

I take a deep breath, still reeling from my vivid dream and firmly nod my head. I turn towards the horse and mount him. Once I am firmly seated upon his back I gently lead him towards the woods.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

My hands are sweaty as I enter the gates of Collinwood. Hundreds of candles are hanging from the expensive chandelier and the mansion is decorated with pink rose blossoms. My parents are already heading for the large parlor and I am left behind. I curl my hands upon my blue skirts and slowly release them. I feel odd…Sad, despaired…angry. I swallow thickly and when I hear footsteps I close my eyes.

"Ms. Heartcowl," Barnabas Collins is in front of me, a smile on his face, his eyes glimmering, "Welcome to Collinwood. I hope this will be a better night than the last one." He bows a little and outstretches his hand, obviously waiting for me to take it.

When I don't do so, he frowns and his smile falls off his lips, "Elita?" He murmurs and I flinch at the sound of my name.

"I have not allowed you to call me that, have I, sir?" I snap and his frown deepens.

"Shall I take your cape, ma'am?" The female voice behind me makes my skin crawl and I quickly turn around to face the maid. She is standing tall and she has a smirk on her lips, but I do not share her amusement. With a tug I loosen my cape and hand it to her. She grabs it and with a long look at me, as if knowing something that I don't, she walks away.

I turn back to Barnabas who is still staring at me.

"I apologize…Have I done something?" he asks and I clench my teeth.

"As a matter of fact, I have a suggestion, Mr. Collins." I take a step closer and his eyes widen.

"I'm sorry?" He murmurs as his eyes roam my form. I can detect the appreciation in his gaze, but it is not desired and I doubt that it ever will be. Especially now.

"My advice is this. Never meddle with your household staff in public. The woods near Widow's Hill aren't appropriate for secret rendezvous." I almost spit at him and his face suddenly becomes as pale as a sheet.

His eyes stare at me with shock, surprise and guilt, and as he doesn't pull them away from mine I am severely reminded of the incident I had the misfortune of witnessing a few nights ago.

_A male form pressing a female one against a tree... Hands on her thighs, disheveled dark hair, sparkling eyes and the wide grin of the maid as he repeatedly thrusts inside her. Hoarse moans, and quiet amused laughter._

I shake my head at him and he lowers his eyes, his lips parting in desolation.

"I must admit that I am rather shocked, sir. I had never expected such behavior from you. Especially when you claim that you love another lady. How disgraceful it must be for her to actually have affection for a man like you." I say quietly as more guests make their way inside the mansion.

"Ms. Heartcowl, please-…" he starts almost desperately, but I am not finished.

"Forgive me, but I can have no sympathy for a man who doesn't know the meaning of devotion." I cut him off and his eyes snap up to mine.

"Devotion? I am marrying _you _Where is the loyalty in that?" His eyes flash and I nod.

"Indeed. But who ever told you that I'd make you betray your loyalty?" I say calmly and his eyes widen.

"Madam…."

"I am returning your gift. I do not want it. The stallion will be back in your stables by morning. I promise you that." With these words I brush by him and head for the parlor.

I can feel his eyes burning holes on my back, but I do not care.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The ring is heavy and cold around my finger and I flex my hand as the loud clapping covers the wild beating of my heart. Barnabas' lips pull away from my cheek and I force a small smile as the music resumes.

"Do you like it? I remember you like the color blue-…"

"As a matter of fact my favorite color is red." I cut him off as he takes my hand and leads me towards the dance floor.

He closes his eyes in resignation and sighs before he palms my lower back and pulls me closer.

"Elita-…"

"It's-…"

"_Elita."_ He raises his voice a bit and I narrow my eyes, "Please, you must understand that a man's heart is not always in tandem with his weak body." He murmurs.

"That's your excuse?" I whisper.

"No, it's not an excuse. I don't need an excuse for you because until today I was a free man." His eyes are pinning me to the ground and I cannot object to that because it's true.

"Very well. But your actions showed me a face I didn't know. You cannot deny that." I say quietly as he gently whirls us around.

"Indeed…But you mustn't judge me because of that. You might never know what I can do for a woman I love or care about…But I wish that you will one day. I am not an adulterer." He murmurs and I chuckle a bit.

"Are you not? Fine." I nod my head firmly, "I believe you."

His face softens, "You cannot return the horse. I will not allow it." He shakes his head and I sniff in defiance.

"I am returning it. Because I thought that it was given to me out of care…or friendship."

"It was. You must believe that it was." He twirls me around once and then pulls me tightly to his chest, "And if you are willing to try, I will show you that I do care. And if you let me, I will try and make you happy. In _all_ things. You are a beautiful woman and you _do_ deserve a beautiful life." His fingertips gently press against my lower back and I can feel the heat of his touch through my tight corset and dress. I swallow thickly and avert my eyes.

"Why would you do that since I have offended you?" I ask instead and he chuckles a bit.

"Speaking the truth is not an offence, madam. I know that. And I am terribly sorry that you were a witness to my lack of better judgment… It has never happened before." He is frowning.

"No?" I quirk an eyebrow at him.

"It'd be an insult to my family and to her…" He mutters and I scoff.

His eyes widen at the sound.

"She didn't seem insulted. I'd say she has cheek."

He makes a quick turn and nods, "It's true…"

"What if I were an ugly woman? Wouldn't I deserve a nice life?" I ask, just to change the subject, and he frowns.

"Why, of course."

"But you said _beautiful_." I frown.

"Beauty is not found upon the features of a person." His hand abandons mine and brushes over my collarbone, "It's in here." he murmurs and I blink, "And I have never met a kinder woman than you, Elita Heartcowl." He smiles and I take a deep breath.

"I am not kind. I am bitter." I say and he smiles.

"Nonsense. You're perfect." His words cause a foreign flutter deep in my belly and I clear my throat as I feel my cheeks blushing.

"You're such a sweet-talker, Mr. Collins. What ever am I going to do with you?" I ask and he grins widely, the shadows gone from his face.

"Whatever you want." Is his husky reply and I shake my head at him.

"You, sir, are a fiend most foul." I declare and he chuckles.

"Dear lady, you shall never know!" He throws back his head and laughs and I flush even further.

He releases me and twirls me around twice before he pulls me to him again, "Promise me you shall keep the stallion. I beg you. I shall be horribly sad if you return it. You mustn't make me feel guiltier than I already am." His voice is soft and I am lost at his blatant confession and gaze.

"You said that you were a free man." I object weakly and he licks his lips.

"That was before I saw the clouds in your eyes." He murmurs and I quickly look away.

"I shall think about it." I reply after a few moments and he smiles warmly.

The music comes to a stop and I am ready to step back, but when the tune changes into a slower one he holds me fast. I look up and I can see that his eyes are focused somewhere behind me. They are dark and wide, and I frown. I turn to look at whatever has him in such a state, but he grasps the back of my head, holding me still.

He looks down at me and then he does something that has my head spinning. His lips cover mine in a kiss.

My eyes go as wide as saucers and I curl my hands upon the lapels of his coat, ready to push him off, but his hand on the back of my head is not allowing me such movement. His lips are warm and soft and as he parts my mouth with his tongue and turns the kiss into a wet race of sucks and nips I am dumbfounded. When he tries to pull me closer I find the strength to pull away. I turn my head and his breathing is fast and uneven against my ear.

"What-…"

"I am sorry." He whispers and as he turns us around I notice the flowing hair of Josette Du Pres as she walks out of the large parlor. Her skirts are the last thing that I see before she disappears. My heart drops to my stomach and I remain silent as the man pressed up against me suddenly wrenches himself away from me. I watch as he storms up to his mother and I follow timidly behind him.

When I reach them, he is speaking in low tones, "I had given specific instructions not to let her in! Why must you always find ways to hurt me?" He asks and Lady Collins gently shakes her head at her son.

"If you have anyone to scold, scold the gatekeeper. He knows not to let her or any member of her family-…"

"You make me sick, mother." He cuts her off sharply and she gasps as he turns around and walks away.

I can do nothing, but watch him go. Taking a deep breath, I ignore my mother's approach and I follow him out of the room. I see him entering the guest's washroom and I sigh before I lean against the closest wall.

The large ring around my finger mocks me with its brilliance.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Collinwood, 1782_

My eyes are heavy when I hear the crash, but I sit up nonetheless. The bed next to me is empty and there is only one candle illuminating the chamber. I sit further up and rub the sleep out of my eyes before I slowly push the covers away.

I walk slowly towards the washroom and I can hear rapid footsteps behind the closed door. I place my hand on the doorknob and try to turn it only to find the door locked.

"Barnabas?" I call loudly, cradling my head with one hand, "Are you alright?" I press my cheek against the door and when I hear a low growl, I gasp and take a step back.

I blink and when the sound comes again I gulp.

"Barnabas? You're scaring me." I whisper and when the lock clicks I stiffen. The door opens a moment later and I frown when I see him.

He is paler than usual and his eyes are dark in the candlelight, but he is looking at me intently. His eyes peruse my form and I shiver when he grins. His straight teeth greet me and I calm down.

"I am sorry. Do you need the washroom? I was washing up." His voice is deep and husky and it is then that I realize that he is only in his breeches and baggy shirt.

"I…thought I heard something." I say quietly as he approaches.

He presses his cool palm against my forehead and then my cheek, "You don't have a fever again, do you?" he murmurs hoarsely and I shake my head.

"You hand's so cold." I whisper and he cocks an eyebrow.

"There was only cold water and I couldn't wake up the maids for that. Come." He places a hand against my lower back and leads me towards the bed. He turns me around and locks eyes with me.

"Do not fear." He murmurs and I watch with fascination as his eyes dilate, "I am well. Lie down." His palm gently pushes me back down and I obey. I slide under the covers and he follows. His hand slides under the covers and touches my side, effectively pulling me forward. His breath is oddly cool against my face and I am surprised when his mouth brushes against my nose.

I place my hand over his on my ribs and he inhales sharply before he kisses my lips. I stiffen because I am not used to it. His touch is demanding on my body as he brings me closer and before I have the chance to kiss him back, his mouth is on my neck, his tongue laving at my pulse spot with hunger. I can feel his nails digging into my side and I gasp. He immediately loosens his grip and rubs the spot there with something that feels like immense tenderness.

My head is spinning at his blatant show of desire and I try to pull back, long enough to look at him, but he is not letting me.

"I want you so much." His murmur is enough to have me reeling, but he continues, "I never thought it possible to want you so desperately." His cold fingers are restlessly tugging at my neckline, trying to reach more of my skin, "You've given me life and I will give you back the one they took from you." His words are confusing me and as I am ready to ask him what he means, he pulls back from my too sensitive skin. His unfathomably dark eyes find mine and I am transfixed by the way they are glimmering.

"Sleep now." His voice is smooth like honey, yet as cutting as a sharp razor. It's a command and I can do nothing but obey. My breathing starts getting slower and slower, until I am barely feeling my limbs.

A soothing feeling falls over my body and mind like fog, and before I know it I am drifting into a deep sleep.

The last thing I feel before I am lost into oblivion is the wet openmouthed kiss upon the top of my left breast…

**End of chapter 6**

**Author's note: Thank you so much for reading. I would really appreciate it if you reviewed. I want to know your thoughts! Please?**

**What do you think Barnabas means by his last words? Hmm?**

**Also, for the ones who haven't checked it out, I have posted a sneak peek for my first crossover on my Livejournal and Tumblr. The title's **_**The Vampire's Deal**_**. The links to both sites are on my profile.**

**Until next time, loves! Oh and don't forget to comment! :p**

**Xxx Lina ;o)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Welcome! I want to thank: XantheXV, dionne dance, Jandra1969, CharlieCats, PGAEmma, Newland Archer, Makrciana, TinkerbellxO, MissMisc3, LabyFan23, ForeverACharmedOne and runs with myths. You are all amazing for sticking with me.**

**I hope you like this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_**It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.**_

_**~Friedrich Nietzsche**_

The breeze that messes my hair is cool if not chilly. I blink, trying to block it from entering my eyes. My eyes always sting when there is a wind. I push my hair behind my ears, silently cursing at my choice to leave it down this morning.

I wanted to go and sit closer to the edge, but I didn't. I feel clumsy and out of place lately and I fear of slipping off the edge. Maybe it's because I don't sleep well…Maybe it's because the wedding day is approaching…Maybe it's because I don't dread it as much as I thought I would.

I frown and take a deep breath, listening as Cloud greedily munches on the apple I gave him when we arrived at the hill.

I raise my chin and try to look at the sea, but I cannot from this place. Maybe I should sit closer to the edge after all.

I start to sit up, but then I hear hooves and a quiet murmur. I freeze and turn to look behind me.

What I see causes me to frown a little.

"You shouldn't have him gallop so quickly in these rocky parts. He won't appreciate it." Barnabas calls as he dismounts his horse and runs a hand through his messy hair.

"Good morning." He nods his head and smiles at me as he slowly removes his gloves. His long coat billows with the wind as he walks towards me.

"It's after noon." I say softly and he looks up at the cloudy sky.

"Is it? I didn't notice."

I am surprised as he comes and settles down next to me on the grass.

"You didn't notice?" I raise my eyebrows and he chuckles a bit.

"Well, I was too busy watching you ride. I've been trailing after you since you left your house…Didn't you hear me?" He asks and I actually flush.

"No…I didn't." I shake my head, "I'm sorry. Did you need me?" I look up and I can see that he has his gaze on the horizon.

"It can wait…Why are you here?" He murmurs and I shrug.

"It's where it's most quiet…No one comes here." I reply and his gaze darkens.

"Indeed…This place is supposedly cursed." he turns to me, "I must apologize."

I sit up and tug my skirt over my calves as I do so, "Why?"

"You've been avoiding me…" he starts and I tense up, "My parents don't like it. Especially since the wedding is in a week." He tries to catch my eyes with his own, but I am evading his gaze.

"Personally, I understand that I behaved rather rudely on our engagement night. So, I realize that you-…"

"It has nothing to do with you." I cut him off, "And I understand why you left so abruptly…" I turn and lock eyes with him at last, "But why did you kiss me? You knew she was there." I narrow my eyes in confusion.

Barnabas licks his lips and looks away, gently tapping his gloves against his knee as he does so.

"I had to give her a lesson."

"What lesson is that?" I ask curiously.

He takes a deep breath, "That some things have to be forgotten; that some things can never be. I imagine you know that from personal experience, Elita." He turns to me and I pause.

"That's true…" I take a deep breath, "I thought you'd find a way to do what you wish even after the marriage." I raise my head and I can see him staring at me oddly.

"I am not that sort of man, madam. I realize that I may have given such an impression," he actually flushes as he speaks, "But I'd never humiliate my wife. Especially not the one I chose."

I turn to face him fully and my knees brush his thigh as I do so. He glances down at my legs for a moment before he focuses on my face.

"You didn't choose me."

"Oh, but I did. There was only one possible choice after everything." He murmurs and I blink.

"Is that a compliment?" I ask quietly and he frowns.

"No. It's not. It cannot be when you are the second choice."

I tense up, "You're very honest." I mumble and when I feel his fingers on my chin I look up.

"Forgive me. I offended you." He murmurs and I shake my head.

"It's the truth."

"No, it's not. There is no comparison. There shouldn't _be_ a comparison." he lets me go and inhales deeply, "I am sorry."

"I cannot live a life filled with apologies. We choose what we choose." I give a small shrug and as I turn around again he grasps my hand.

"But you didn't choose me." He says through gritted teeth and I smile.

"As it has become apparent, I am not good at choosing…Barnabas." I say quietly and he furrows his brow.

"Love is not a choice. It's an obligation."

"Is it?" I try to keep my voice light.

"Of course. The senses dictate and you have to oblige." His thumb gently brushes my wrist and I look down at his hand.

I tug my hand free and give his a small squeeze before I nod, "It's a good thing my senses dictate me to do nothing then, yes? Much easier this way." I mutter.

He holds me fast as I try to sit up, "You mean you do not love Mr. Black anymore?" He asks with curiosity and I bite my lip as I gaze at the peak in front of us.

"My love was gone the moment I almost ended my life because of him; the day you saved me. I know no more." I shake my head and when I look at him he has an odd expression on his face.

"Was I the reason then?" He looks at me as I stand.

"In a way…" I look at the sea, "It was alarming how someone who barely knew me was kind enough to help me while the man who supposedly loved me, played me for a fool." I take a step back. "I don't think I can trust my senses any more, sir. Especially my heart." I laugh a little and rub my arms, "Anyway." I look at him as he comes to stand in front of me.

"Don't ever say that again." He murmurs as he takes my hand and gently rolls the ring around my finger in a rhythmic motion, "Love can blossom even in the oddest of places." he steps back and smiles, "Trust me."

"Why are you so insistent about it?" I ask and he purses his lips in thought.

"I don't know. Your words… They just caused me this…dreadful tug on my insides." He mutters.

"I'm sorry…Why would they?" I take a step closer and he takes a deep breath before he rubs the back of his neck.

"I fear I cannot answer that." He says at last and I blink in confusion.

"Why?"

He turns his eyes on me and pins me with an intense stare. I fidget a little because I cannot fathom his gaze.

"Would you mind it if I kissed you again?" he asks me suddenly and I tense up.

"What…?"

"Just answer the question." He takes a step closer, his expression determined and I try my hardest to give a truthful answer.

"I would not mind…but I wouldn't expect you to do it again either." I reply at last and I can see that my answer confuses him.

"Why? Is t so absurd for a man to desire you?"

His words shock me.

"It would be absurd for you to desire me, yes." I reply carefully and he frowns deeply.

"Is that you forbidding me from doing it again?"

I shake my head, "It's your rightful demand. I cannot forbid you to do anything." I stop a breath away from him, "But would you do it with a clear conscience?" I ask and he looks away.

"My feelings for Josette have nothing to do with this."

"Like they had nothing to do with your dalliance with the maid?" I ask, because I cannot forget that, and he turns to look at me sharply.

"I gather from your words, that you have no idea how different lust from love is." he shakes his head, "Lust can survive without love."

"Hmm. You are right. I wouldn't know." I step back, "I guess I have to learn a lot from you, my lord." I bow a little and then straighten, "But you will allow me to hold back on my affections. Unlike you, I have to give some importance to affection."

"So, you won't give any to me." He states with amusement and I frown.

"That is impossible, sir."

At my words, he freezes, "Pardon?"

I blink and flush, "It is impossible for anyone not to like you. Surely, you know that. You don't need an ego boost from the woman who will be tied to you."

His face softens, "You're mistaken. You are the only one who would matter now." He replies and I ignore the way my belly clenches.

I smile and turn towards Cloud, "So, what do you need me for?" I ask, needing to change the subject at last.

He clears his throat, chuckles a little and follows me back to the horses.

"Your dress has arrived." He says quietly and I close my eyes briefly in an effort to compose myself before I turn to him.

"Then I should see it, yes?" I say as pleasantly as I can and he stares at me for a moment before he walks over to me. He holds a hand out, offering assistance and I take it as I mount Cloud.

"I imagine it will be as elegant as you are." He murmurs and I smile as he drops his hand from mine.

"Are you charming me for another kiss, Mr. Collins?" I narrow my eyes playfully, but my insides are twisted into knots.

He laughs and shrugs, "I know I'll take it for sure in a week. You won't decline then. I can be patient." He slips his gloves back on and I watch as he strides smoothly to his horse. He tugs on the reins and pats the horse's sides with his feet. Winter trots smoothly towards the woods and I can do nothing more but follow him in silence.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The seamstress gives a final tug on the dress's corset and steps back.

"Have you lost weight since the last fitting?" She asks in her thick French accent and I frown.

"No…I am not sure. Maybe." I nod my head and she clicks her tongue.

"It's a good thing there is the corset underneath or the dress would too baggy on you, madam." She says and I take a deep calming breath.

"Indeed."

The door of the chamber creaks open and I can see Angelique through the mirror.

"Your mother has arrived, Ms. Lockheart." She says tightly and her eyes linger upon the dress. I shiver a little at her gaze, but I quickly nod.

"Thank you." I murmur and she gives a curt nod before she opens the door wide.

My mother storms in and gasps in delight. I want to roll my eyes, but Lady Collins is sitting on a chair close to the mirror.

"Wonderful! Look at the fabric." She exclaims and Lady Collins sits up with pride.

"The silk came in from China. It's the finest." She announces and I run my hands over the waist. The silk is heavy and the lace causes my skin to prickle, but I do not dare speak a word in case I sound ungrateful.

"How lovely! Where is the veil?" My mother frowns and my gaze shifts to the right.

"Elita has decided to go without it." Lady Collins smiles and I can see that she is pleased with my decision. She thought it too much while I was severely reminded of my vivid dream.

"What? No veil? Elita?" my mother looks at me with disapproval and I give a small smile.

"I decided to have a flower pin instead. Much lighter." I say and she purses her mouth.

"Then we must find one-…"

"We have already decided on the pin, dear. Come sit." Lady Collins cuts her off and my mother finally closes her mouth. She takes a seat next to my mother- in- law and I look at the mirror one more time.

It's alarming how similar the gown is to the one in my dream. I am still dumbfounded. I shouldn't be, but I really didn't choose it. I only chose the sleeves. I do not care of the dress or the wedding day. What I fear is the rest; what comes after that.

A dull pain causes my stomach to clench and I know I am too anxious.

"Can I take it off now?" I blurt with sudden impatience and the two women stare at me with confusion so, I force a small smile, "I am rather thirsty and I do not want to stain it." I offer an explanation and Lady Collins nods quickly.

"Of course, dear. You must be rather tired." She looks at the seamstress, "Help her out of it and then call a maid." She orders and the woman smiles and nods.

I am out of the dress in less than two minutes and when I am back in my regular dress I breathe a sigh of relief.

I take a seat next to my mother and remain silent as they converse.

"We decided not to have an after party. The engagement was too lavish and there is no need for anything else." Lady Collins says and my eyes widen with relief.

_Thank God._

"Madam?" Angelique knocks softly on the door and then peers inside, "You called?" she asks and I look up just in time to see Barnabas slipping through the half open door. The maid's eyes follow him, but he doesn't look at her.

"Good evening." He greets as he walks over to his mother and kisses her cheek.

"Come sit, Barnabas. The fitting is over." Lady Collins smiles as her son kisses my mother's hand and then comes to stand in front of me.

"Yes, Angelique. Bring us some tea." The older woman instructs and I speak up.

"None for me, please." I say as Barnabas takes my hand and leans down to press a kiss on my cheek. He releases a soft breath and then pulls back.

"Why not?" He asks softly as he pulls out a chair next to me without releasing my hand.

"It makes me a little restless when I drink it in the afternoon." I explain quietly and there is a quiet snort from the doorway.

I look up and so does Barnabas. Angelique has her eyes lowered, but I know she made the sound.

"What was that?" He asks sharply and she looks up at him with wide eyes.

"Master?" she whispers with a tiny frown and he stares at her for a moment before he nods his head.

"Get some chamomile for Ms. Heartcowl." He mutters and the maid bows low before she nods.

"Yes, Master." She raises her eyes to his, "And for you?"

He shakes his head and waves her away.

Once she is gone, I turn to him, "Is there something wrong?" I murmur as our mothers start talking again.

He shakes his head and smiles.

"No. How are you?" He asks as he turns my palm upside down and runs a finger down the sensitive skin.

"Well…" I take a deep breath, but it turns out short and uneven.

He narrows his eyes in worry, "Dear, you look pale." He suddenly sits up and lifts me up by tugging on my hand.

"Excuse us." He gives a small incline of his head and without another word he drags me out of the room. He walks down the wall and then takes a turn towards our right. He steps towards the balcony doors and opens them wide. The cool wind immediately hits my face and I feel better at once.

"Come." He pulls me closer, "The view is beautiful from here." He murmurs as I lean against the railing. He lets go of my hand and steps closer.

"Thank you." I whisper as I take a look at the sea.

"You're distressed. Did my mother say something?" He asks as he pushes a lock of my thick hair behind my shoulder.

"No." I shake my head.

"Did you not like the dress? Do you want something else? You need only speak the words." His voice is soft and kind and I feel ungrateful.

"It has nothing to do with the dress." I look at him and his eyes roam my face as I try to find the right words.

"I am sorry I am unpleasant." I settle for the truth, "I do not mean to be."

He blinks slowly and his fingers brush over my sleeve, "You're not. Is there something I can do?" He murmurs and I smile.

"Can you turn back time?" I ask and he slowly shakes his head in the negative.

I nod, "Can you smile and be honest about it?" I try to make my voice light and a wide grin lights up his face.

"That I can do." he chuckles and places a hand on my lower back, "But how would that help?" His tone is filled with curiosity and I smile.

"It does help. A lot." I give a tiny shrug and I can feel his hand creeping up my back.

"Can you smile for _me_ then? You don't have to mean it yet if you don't want to." He breathes softly and I swallow thickly before I smile and nod.

"I do mean it…" I murmur, "Thank you for the pin."

He grins and I shake my head at him.

"How did you know I bought it?" He asks and I laugh.

"I just did. Thank you. I mean it." I look into his eyes, "How did you know I prefer silver to gold?"

His fingers play with the hair at my nape and when he shrugs I narrow my eyes.

"I just took a guess…You hardly wear any jewelry." He makes it sound like a question and I look down at my naked collarbones.

"I find it unnecessary…" I inhale deeply and look at the blue- green sea again.

"Hmm." His hum is barely audible, but I can still feel his fingers on my neck.

I smirk a little, "I won't kiss you." I inform him and he groans a little. When I turn to look at him he has a tiny frown on his face and his lips are slightly parted.

"What?" I ask when he stares at me for a long time without speaking. He swallows and slowly shakes his head.

"Your eyes have a little blue in them." He mutters as he brushes my cheekbone with his thumb and I laugh.

He smiles.

"Do they?" I blink, "Well…"

His hand abandons my cheek and brushes over my jaw instead. I take a step back, but he follows until he is leaning into me. I stiffen, but when his hands grasp my arms to keep me steady someone clears their throat.

I step back from him and he closes his eyes in resignation.

"Your drink, madam." Angelique's voice is too loud in my ears and I can already feel my skin turning a bright red.

Barnabas turns to her and nods, "Thank you." He takes the cup and offers it to me.

I take it even though I have no appetite for it at the moment and look down at it.

"Master?" The word rolls off her tongue smoothly and I try not to give much thought on it.

"Yes?" He asks as I take a small sip.

"There is Captain Holt waiting for you in the study. Your father asked me to fetch you." She says and I can see her knuckles turning a blinding white around the tray.

Barnabas sighs and nods his head, "I shall be there immediately. You are excused." He turns to me and the maid takes her time in walking away.

"Shall I take you back inside?" He asks gently and I shake my head.

"No, thank you."

"Will you stay for dinner?" He cocks his head to the side and regards my flushed cheeks with amusement.

I sniff a little and shrug.

"Can you stay? I want to show you something." His voice deepens a little and I look up.

"What is that something?" I demand with confusion and he smiles.

"You shall see." With that, he steps back and walks away in a billow of brown and gold.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"I cannot play when you're staring." I say with a light chuckle as I look up at him. He has a smirk on his face which he quickly covers with the glass of sherry he has in his grasp.

"I am not staring." he says after a sip, "I am simply observing." he laughs at my expression and points at the piano, "Do you like it?" He tilts his head to the side and I look upon the keys.

"Of course…It must have cost a fortune." I murmur as I run my fingers over the wood.

"Are you a patient person, Elita?" He asks, evading my comment and I look up.

"Hmm?"

"Can you be patient? I am a rather obnoxious student…Can you handle me?" His lips are twitching with mirth and I narrow my eyes.

"I am a rather silent woman, can you stand me?" I ask instead and he pauses.

"Silence is gold." He informs me and I smile.

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes." His gaze is smoldering in its sincerity and I nod.

"Alright…I suppose I can stand obnoxiousness…"

He smiles and downs the sherry in one go before he leans closer.

"My tutors had a hard time making me obey…I wanted to learn, but I didn't like being confined. We had left Liverpool for a reason and I didn't want to be trapped in a house…" his eyes do a quick perusal of the drawing room.

We are on the third floor, in the wing no one really uses.

"That sounds rational. I on the other hand detested crowds…and I still do. Anyway, maybe it's because I am an only child." I shrug and press randomly on a key.

He reaches out with his hand and trails the back of his fingers down my cheek.

"Or maybe you didn't wish to be seen a lot. Would you prefer it if you were invisible?" he asks quietly and I look up at him, trying to ignore the warmth of his hand.

"No…"I shake my head, "That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"Is there a reason behind this conversation?" I ask instead and his fingers brush over the tiny earring on my ear before he pulls them away.

"I am trying to make you trust me because so far I think you do not." He informs me with such clarity that I am surprised.

"I trust you enough."

"That's not enough."

"In our situation it is." I point out and he looks up for a moment.

"Do you trust me enough to invite me to your bed?" He challenges and I gasp quietly.

"I assume that we will be sharing a bed anyway." I mutter shakily.

"That was not my question." He narrows his eyes.

"If the reason behind your friendship is to make sure that I will let you in my bed then I am sorry." I stand up and he grabs my arm.

"Elita, forgive me." he quickly shakes his head, his expression contrite, "I did not express myself well."

I try to calm down, "Obviously." I nod my head.

He licks his lips and steps closer, "I don't know what you have in mind, but I fully intend to be your husband. I am not just marrying you to spite my parents." His eyes try to find mine, but I am avoiding the connection.

"I thought that was the only reason." I mutter.

"You were not listening to me then." He says softly and I look up at him hesitantly, "I intend to make this marriage as real as possible. I have no wish to spend my life in misery. There has been enough misery in both of our lives so far." His hand touches my chin and I am forced to look at him, "I fully intend to be your husband. I hope you have the same wish. If not…" His eyes drop to my mouth and I know my shock must show on my face, "If not, I shall make you wish it." His lips find my forehead and I take a deep, but uneven breath through my nose as his hand cradles the back of my head.

His free hand touches my side and when he pulls back, I blurt something that I know I will later regret.

"Do you mean to tell me that you love me?" The words are burning my mouth as I speak them and he inhales sharply as if I have wounded him or offended him…Maybe both.

"No." The word cuts through the uncomfortable silence, "I do not." He swallows hard and I don't know if I should be relieved or glad.

"Alright." I nod my head, almost whispering the word to myself. At the proof that my voice works I feel grounded; safe.

The thin security glass around me shatters when he speaks again.

"That doesn't stop me from desiring you."

I look up at him sharply and at his intense expression I take a step back from him. I shouldn't be so surprised. He is a man. Men always see things differently. Men do not confuse love with lust. Men are…Men are safer because their way of thinking is singular.

I swallow hard and avert my eyes, "If our bonding time is over, I would like to go back." I say quietly and his chest heaves with the breath he takes.

"Elita."

"Please? I would like to go back. I fear your house is too big for my poor navigational skills." I try to smile in order not to show that his confession bothered me, but I can tell that he can see right through me.

"It's your house too. Collinwood is your home." He takes my hand and I let him lead me towards the door.

"Not until five more days." I whisper and as he opens the door I pause, "Thank you for your honesty. It's appreciated."

He nods and when he tries to touch my cheek I grasp his hand in a tight grip. His eyes go wide as I do so. I lean closer and lock eyes with him.

"You mustn't expect too much from me, my lord." I whisper and he frowns, "Don't you know? I am a cold woman. The entire town thinks so."

He pulls his hand from my grip and grasps my fingers instead, "Cold has never felt so hot, my lady. Trust me." His smile is gentle, but I am too ruffled to enjoy the compliment.

Silently, I pull my hand away and slip out of the room. His quiet footsteps indicate that he is behind me and as we walk together in silence, I can't help but dread my married life. Not because of any potential misery, but because I am probably never going to mean as much to him as he might come to mean to me in the future.

The thought is misery itself.

**End of chapter 7**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading! So, did you enjoy it? Please let me know with a comment! It's my only payment and it brings a smile on my face.**

**I hope this chapter did not confuse anyone. It had no back and forth bits! Right?**

**Oh, by the way, I have a DS crossover in the works. The ones interested go to my profile and check it out.**

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina :o)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello and welcome back! I apologize for the delay, but family problems got in my way. I lost a beloved family member you see…**

**Anyway…**

**I want to thank: MissMisc3, PGAEmma, Malsie19, TinkerbellxO, Jandra1969, AngeliqueBouchard1972, Newland Archer, XantheXV, Makrciana, skycord1990, lottielovebuzz, dionne dance, runs with myths, ForeverACharmedOne and LabyFan23. Thank you all!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

_***Dedicated to Petra, Brittany and Charlotte. They know why…***_

**Chapter 8**

_**Love has its own instinct, finding the way to the heart, as the feeblest insect finds the way to its flower, with a will which nothing can dismay nor turn aside.**_

_**~Honore de Balzac**_

_A week later…_

The touch of warm lips upon my own brings a sense of warmth and security deep in my soul. The kiss doesn't last long, as it shouldn't in front of so many guests, but it succeeds in making me calm down. When he pulls back I have to open my eyes. My gaze locks with Barnabas' warm honey colored one and I release my tight grip on the bouquet in my hand. My palms are sweaty and when a cool breeze enters the chapel through the open doors I inhale deeply.

As my gaze peruses the Collins' family chapel, I am greeted with smiles and even some envious looks from other young women. I have no time to study the guests more because their loud clapping alerts me of the ceremony's end. I blink and gaze at the hand that takes my own and gently hooks it into a warm elbow. I curl my fingers around Barnabas' expensive overcoat and with a tiny smile I turn to face away from the altar.

As we start walking down aisle, I notice for the very first time how beautifully decorated the chapel is. Pale pink and white roses are creating a fairytale-like atmosphere and I briefly wonder how on earth I didn't notice it upon my arrival. I inwardly snort because the answer is right in front of my eyes; I was too nervous and anxious. But now I am not and I don't even know why. Maybe my fear did not stem from the man next to me, but from the various people who are here to see me and judge me.

I lower my eyes and focus my gaze on the wedding band around my finger. It is light and the gold is glimmering in the candlelight. It is simple, but beautiful. I flex my hand around the bouquet and I straighten, correcting my posture. As I do so, I can feel the corset of my wedding dress digging into my skin. I don't grimace in pain; instead, I smile at the people around me and when I see my mother, my smile widens because her eyes look glassy. She waves at me and I wave back, trying to reassure her that I am alright; that I have come to terms with my fate…A fate that is certainly above my expectations.

I feel someone stroking my hand and I look to my right. Barnabas' face greets me and his expression is…odd. His face is etched with a mixture of warmth, kindness, sadness and worry. I realize that the worry is for me and my heart swells in an unfamiliar way. I slowly shake my head and smile at him. I don't know why, but at that moment his face relaxes and his features go slack with relief. I know then that he is worrying more about me than about himself. That alone is the one thing that makes me absolutely certain that he will never deliberately hurt me. And I am glad because I would never want to make him unhappy. He is, after all, my savior and probably the one person that I can trust; the only person that can understand me because he and I are both in the same path. We are both walking towards the same life and that is hope alone indeed.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The grip around my hand is firm, but gentle. I look down at the hand holding my own and blink as I watch Barnabas' fingers rub softly over my knuckles. He has been doing that for the whole walk back to Collinwood. I don't mind it though. His touch is soothing and grounding. My gratefulness towards him is even deeper now because he even let me remove my uncomfortable shoes. I can imagine how badly stained my stockings must look right now, but I don't care. He doesn't seem to care about the impropriety of it either.

I focus on his fingers and then I follow the strong pattern that is his arm. When our eyes lock, he smiles at me.

I return it with some hesitation and he tugs me closer to him as we walk towards the steps that lead to the gates.

The large doors are open wide to welcome us and the various faces of the household staff greet us as we arrive at the door.

"Helen, Mrs. Steel." Barnabas nods at the two women who are standing in front of the staff, "I want to introduce to you the newest addition to my family and my wife, Mrs. Elita Collins. I expect you to treat her with same respect and kindness as you've always treated me." He speaks with quietness and then he pulls me closer, "Elita, this is Mrs. Kathy Steel. Our housekeeper. I don't think you've met her." He smiles at me and the older woman bows and looks at me with gentle eyes.

"Madam." She murmurs.

"In the absence of my mother she has been a magnificent replacement. Whatever problem you may have, you shall go to her." Barnabas lets go of my hand and I let it drop at my side, right next to my white dress. I lean forward and offer my hand to the woman and she seems surprised before she accepts my hand and shakes it gently.

"Mrs. Steel." I smile at her and then I let go.

"This is, Margaret, Edith, Lucinda and…Angelique." He carries on and my eyes pass over the maids without actual haste until they come to rest on the dark haired one. She is holding her head slightly higher than the rest of the women and her icy blue eyes are staring right at me. Her mouth is slightly pursed in what looks like a grimace and a strange feeling twists my stomach when I recall how well she knows my husband. She knows him better than me since she has been intimate with him. The thought causes me to pull my eyes away from her pretty face.

"Good evening." I address all of them and most of them smile and nod their heads; all except from her.

I try not to think much about it and follow Barnabas as he introduces the rest of the staff to me.

"Helen, will you escort Mrs. Collins to our chamber?" He says after one of the maids, Lucinda, closes the door.

Helen bows her head and smiles at him, "Certainly, Master. Madam, if you would follow me." She turns and looks at me with the same smile and I can tell how kind she is from that simple look.

"Thank you." I murmur and Barnabas smiles at me before he turns to face the cook.

Their voices echo as I make my way up the high staircase.

"Helen?" I start.

"Madam?"

"How many rooms are there in Collinwood?"

"Two hundred, madam. Master Joshua had a lot more household staff, but they decided to use just one of the two wings…The house is rather big, you see."

"Hmm." I nod, "You're talking about the East wing."

"Yes, madam. But Master Joshua has prepared the West wing for Master Barnabas and you." She smiles at me as she leads me to the second floor and makes a right turn.

"This is the drawing room, Mrs. Collins. It's right next to Master Barnabas' study." She points at a room and I nod.

"Shall I take these, madam?" She motions towards the shoes in my hand and I shake my head.

"No, it's alright…" I murmur and she nods her head in compliance, "I think I shall need a map." I tease and she giggles.

"It does take quite some time to get used to it. That's true." She says as she comes to a stop, "This is your chamber, madam." She pushes the heavy oak door open and waits for me to enter before she follows.

I step inside and I almost gasp. The chamber is…enormous. The furnishing is lavish. The large double bed in the far end of the chamber is covered in blue satin and the image is completed with the four large pillows at the head of the bed.

At the foot of the bed there is a settee and each one of the two nightstands is holding a vase of wild flowers.

The dark curtains match the bedding and I smile at the choice of color; all is blue unlike the rest of the manor which is dressed in crimson.

"Do you like it, ma'am? The balcony has the best view. You can see right down to the pier." Helen parts the drapes and I look out. Sure enough, just beyond the French windows I can see the dark sea. It's breathtaking.

"Amazing." I breathe before I put my shoes down and tiptoe towards the windows.

"Shall I help you out of your dress, madam? You must be tired." Helen says as she walks over to the large closet and opens it.

She pulls out a cream colored, satin nightdress and I blink.

"That is not mine." I murmur with confusion and she smiles.

"I am aware, ma'am. Master Barnabas bought it for you. He instructed me to put all the new clothes in here, along with your own. Would you like to see?" She opens the closet door wide and I walk over towards it.

"Um…" I am speechless once I see the various clothes. Nightgowns, corsets, shifts and shoes are lined up in the closet. All of them my size. All of them made of expensive materials.

I am staring too much and Helen giggles. I turn to look at her and flush.

"I am a little shocked…" I mutter and she walks behind me in silence to help me with the dress.

A soft knock on the door causes me to look over my shoulder. Barnabas is at the door and he seems nervous and hopeful.

"Helen, you may go. The cook has some instructions for you." He says quietly and the maid bows her head and leaves my side.

Once she is gone, Barnabas shuts the door and turns to me. His eyes take in my half undone dress and he promptly walks towards me.

A moment later, I feel his hands on the tiny buttons of the dress. He undoes them with dexterity and I snort.

He pauses, "Elita?" His voice is a murmur and I turn my face towards him.

"You seem rather familiar with tiny buttons." I say with a teasing glimmer in my eye and he laughs, the sound deep and warm.

"Indeed…But it is rather helpful at the moment, yes?" He pushes the lace away and reaches for the tight corset laces. I can his feel his fingers working on the knot and I can't help the blush that creeps up my face.

I hear his quiet breathing behind me and then his voice, "Am I making you uncomfortable right now?" His breath falls on my ear and I slowly shake my head.

"No…We have to start from somewhere." I gasp when he tugs firmly on the laces in an effort to loosen them and I fling my hands out to steady myself by gripping onto the closet.

After a few moments the dress is loosened enough and I turn around.

"Thank you." I look up at him hesitantly and he smiles.

"You're welcome." His words are accompanied by a kiss on my forehead. Then his hand is on my hair. His fingers hook around the hairpin and he pulls it out, letting my hair tumble down my back in blond waves. I take a deep breath and he places the pin in my palm.

When he pulls back, he turns around and heads over to the window. He comes to a stop in front of it and then he raises his hands up to the buttons of his dark overcoat.

I blink out of my stupor and I quickly let the dress fall to my feet in a pool of lace and silk. I reach out with my hand and take hold of the nightdress, placing the pin on the nightstand as I do so. As I straighten, my eye catches Barnabas' reflection in the glass. My eyes widen when I realize that he can see everything from there and I shake my head.

"How sly." I mutter with a fierce blush and he chuckles, his shoulders shaking with laughter as he reaches up to loosen his cravat.

"I won't apologize. It's not my fault you're not attentive." He says and I can see, even through the window, that his eyes are shining with mirth.

"How uncouth." I murmur as I pull the satin gown over my head. It fits me perfectly and I look up as he slides the cravat from his neck and turns to face me.

"I never thanked you for the clothes." I say quietly as I nervously wring my hands.

"You're welcome." His voice is soft as he outstretches his hand towards me.

I eye it and then slip my own into it. His palm is soft and warm.

"Your skin is clammy…" he frowns as he pulls me closer, "You do not fear me, do you?" He pulls his head slightly back and I swallow hard.

"Of course not." I shake my head, "This is all new for me." I whisper and his fingers reach up to grasp my chin.

"I know. It's the same for me. I want to get to know you. I want you to be comfortable around me." He smiles, "And that will begin with the tour of Collinwood." He pulls back and tugs me along.

"Now?" I ask as I look down upon myself.

"Hmm." He smirks.

"But I'm indecent!" I say with a tiny laugh.

"I like you indecent." He lets go of my hand and walks over to a hanger. He unhooks a long thick robe and holds it open for me.

I stare at him in shock before I walk over and slip my arms through.

"Come. There will be food waiting for us when we get back. You must be starving." He takes my hand as we make our way to the door.

"A little." I nod my head as he pulls me out of the room.

"This is the West wing. My parents rarely come here." He says as he leads me down the corridor.

The various wall paintings are haunting the walls…Some of them are a little scary.

"But you do…all the time. Am I right?" I ask and he smirks.

"How could you tell?"

"From your expression…"

"I like my solitude sometimes."

"I cannot object to that. Sadly, my home was never this grand." I say and he turns to look at me.

"I can understand that…In Liverpool," he starts as he opens a large door and ushers me in, "Our house was relatively small." He cocks an eyebrow in remembrance and I frown.

"I see…Oh my." I gasp when I notice the huge library.

Slowly, I turn to look at him, "I imagine this is yours?" I ask and he smiles.

"Hmm…It has taken me a lot of time to gather all these books…You are welcome to any of them." He takes my hand and leads me to some selves.

"I couldn't possibly disturb your books." I shake my head as I hesitantly run my fingers over the spines.

"I can hardly call it a disturbance." He laughs and I turn to him.

"I am sorry." I blurt out and he pauses, his eyes soft.

"I beg your pardon?" He murmurs and I shake my head.

"You are trying to make me feel comfortable…I don't think I am trying as hard. But I am not familiar with-…"

"Male company." He finishes for me as he gently tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear.

"Yes. Is it that obvious?" I laugh a little and he smiles.

"No…You are very confident…You look it at least. It scares me."

His words puzzle me, "I scare you?"

"Hmm. I fear of enduring your disapproval…Your disappointment maybe." He shakes his head and nervously rubs the back of his head.

"I am not perfect. I am far from perfect. Please, do not think like that. I am the one who is having a difficult time forgetting my past." I place a hand on his arm and he looks down at my pale fingers before he steps closer.

He studies my face for a few moments before he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me closer. I can feel him burying his face in my hair and he remains there for a moment before he inhales deeply.

"So, you like my library." He says as he pulls back.

"Of course."

"Come. I shall show you the rest of the house."

I smile and follow him in silence.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Where is Helen?" Barnabas' voice is loud as we enter our chamber and find Angelique there. She looks up and calmly places the tray on the low table that is in front of the window.

"I am here, Master!" Helen pushes through the washroom door with a tiny flush on her face, "I was putting fresh towels." She smiles at us and then comes to stand next to Angelique who has her eyes on me.

"You may go. Both of you." He murmurs as he shots an odd look towards the dark haired maid.

Both women nod their heads and exit the chamber with a little curtsy. I step to the side to let them pass and just as Angelique brushes past me, I can feel her fingers on my robe. I look down at her hand, but she is quick to walk away.

I frown, but I don't say anything before I close the door.

"Come sit." Barnabas' tone is warm and cheerful again and I look at him.

"Your mistress doesn't like me." I say casually and he pauses, his body going completely still.

"Elita…" he starts with a sigh.

I raise a hand up, "I know, I know. Not my business."

"No!" he cuts me off strongly, "That was not what I meant." He shakes his head, "I thought we had cleared out that I have nothing with her…Nothing."

"Alright, I'm sorry. But it seems to me that it's not good for her to work here." I say and he frowns.

"You want me to dismiss her?" He asks me immediately and I shake my head firmly.

"Of course not. I won't be the reason for her dismissal. I am simply curious of her angry looks towards me. Maybe I should talk to her?" I suggest and his eyes widen.

"Talk to her? And say what?"

"That I am not her enemy?" I offer and he shakes his head.

"Angelique…is stubborn. But she knows her place."

"That is a little mean of you." I say as I take a seat.

"Mean?" he sits across from me and picks up a glass, "Mean?" he repeats.

"Yes. The girl must be taken with you-something that is not a surprise-…"

"Are you talking from experience?" He asks me with a grin and I flush.

"Almost." I nod my head and he takes a big breath as I continue, "So, it's cruel to have her around us…Well, around me." I finish and he purses his lips in thought.

"Fine. I shall talk to her then. My mother will need her more I suppose. Can we stop this conversation now, please?" he mutters with a guilty expression, "Wine?" He offers and I can see that he's not expecting me to agree.

"Why not?" I shrug and he blinks in surprise.

"You drink?"

"Is that so shocking?" I laugh a little and he chuckles.

"Yes. You're so proper…When you don't walk barefoot." He uncorks the wine bottle and pours a generous amount in a tall glass. He hands it to me and I take it with a smile.

"Don't forget the soiled stockings." I point out as I bring the glass to my nose and take a whiff.

"Ah, that too. How could I ever forget the soiled stockings…" He takes a sip and winks at me.

My insides clench as he does so and I take a sip as well.

"So, you can drink." He leans back and plucks a piece of cheese from the tray, "Did Mr. Black drink?" He asks and I tense up.

I lock eyes with him and for a moment I see that he has regretted the question. I decide to talk about it because I have to. I know he is curious.

"Yes, he did." I reply quietly.

"Hmm…Did I offend you?" He asks me quickly and I shake my head.

"Of course not. I want you to know me." I smile, "James…" I search my brain for information and I come to the alarming conclusion that I know so little about that man…A man that I thought I loved.

"Yes?" Barnabas' voice makes me look up at him, "What about him?"

I blink, "James travelled a lot…All I had to do was wait for him to come back." I lower my gaze onto my lap, "We had little time together and he loved to spend his time on his ship…He would bring wine from all the ports…and we would try them together. He had great knowledge in wines." I finish quietly.

"That's expected. Since he was a traveler and a customer to…" he trails off with wide eyes.

I chuckle a little, "By all means finish your sentence!" I lean back, "Taverns. I know. My foolishness told me that it was not unusual. Most men visit such establishments." I take a sip to cover my burning cheeks.

"I don't." He says firmly.

"Well, no." I say and he blinks, "Of course not."

"You say it with such confidence." He murmurs and I nod.

"I do."

"And that's because…?" He trails off and I gulp.

"Well, you're a gentleman." I reply and he grins.

"Am I?"

I snort, "If we disregard a certain incident that was not meant to be seen…" I look at him and he laughs before he takes a bite from the cheese.

"Let us change the subject." He murmurs, "Did you like Collinwood?" He asks me instead and my stomach uncoils from its tight knot as soon as he asks the question.

"It's lovely…I still don't think I can find my way around though." I reply as I hesitantly reach for some chicken.

His eyes follow me and when I pick up the fork and take a bite from the juicy food he smiles.

"I was told it's your favorite." He points to the roasted chicken and vegetables.

"It is." I nod and when I swallow, I lean forward, "What's yours?" I ask curiously and he smirks.

"I prefer fish."

At his reply we both burst into laughter. I place the glass on the table and cover my mouth as giggles escape me.

He finishes with his cheese and wipes his mouth with the linen napkin under his plate before he leans forward and catches my hand.

"You have a nice laugh. You must laugh more often." He tells me as his fingers brush over my palm.

I smile, "Likewise." I reply and he smirks.

The moment doesn't last long because a moment later he is frowning.

"I hope you don't mind sharing the same bed-…"

"Of course not." I cut him off, "Don't even mention it." I push my plate away, suddenly too nervous to eat another bite.

"More wine?" He asks and I give an eager nod.

He smiles, but remains silent as he fills my glass again. I drink the wine quickly and just as I finish the last drop he stands. He walks over to the door and calls for a maid.

I quickly grab the opportunity to disappear into the washroom.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I don't know how long I have been in here…Probably for about half an hour. I keep fumbling with things. My hair, my teeth, my hands…I walked to the chamber pot three times and I am about to use it again.

My stomach is into tight knots. I turn and face the door just as I hear the bed creaking behind it. I clear my throat and square my shoulders.

"God. Stop being silly." I mutter to myself and with a last look at the mirror, I open the door.

The chamber is dim lit and the window is half open. The cool breeze is soothing as I turn to face the bed.

Barnabas is already there. He is propped up against the two large pillows and his eyes are on a book. I can see the white patch of skin of his chest as his night clothes allow such a sight.

When I close the washroom door, he turns to look up at me.

"Are you alright? I was about to knock." He smiles and I clear my throat again.

"I'm fine." I say as I walk over to the bed. I stop right next to it and I appreciate it when his gaze doesn't linger. He is really trying not to make me uncomfortable.

I remove the robe and place it neatly at the settee before I take a seat on the bed. The mattress is soft and pliable under my backside and I grasp the covers with my hand before I push my legs under them. They are cool and I shiver.

As soon as I am resting back against the pillows, I can feel the warmth Barnabas' body has already created next to me.

I have never slept with another person before. My mother never allowed me to slip into bed with her when I was little; not even when I was afraid.

"Elita," He starts and I turn to him.

"Hmm?"

He turns to look at me and his lips are twitching with amusement, "Are you going to sleep with your sleepers on?" He asks and I can feel my face already burning with mortification.

"What?" I raise the covers and look at my feet.

_Oh dear Lord of mercy…_

"You have your sleepers on." He says and I can see that he is fighting hard not to laugh.

Quickly, I remove them and place them on the floor. When I rest back, I cross my arms over my chest.

"You can laugh. No one is going to call me humorless." I mutter as I snort at my own stupidity.

I turn to look at him and he is staring at me before he calmly puts the book away.

He turns to face me and waves his hand, "Once, I stepped into the bathtub with my socks and shoes on." He informs me and I look at him with incredulity before I burst into laughter.

He grins as he watches me and when I am relatively calm, he reaches out and grasps my hand. His brings it to his mouth and my laughter stops when he kisses my palm.

His free hand reaches out and curls over the back of my head, pulling me closer.

My breath hitches as he pushes me onto my back and comes to loom over me. His finger brushes over my jaw and then over my lips.

I blink, but don't shrink back. I can't. Not when he's been so kind to me; not when he's treated me with such gentility…Not when my heart is about to jump right out of my chest.

His lips touch my own for the second time today and my skin prickles with warmth when his upper body covers mine. His chest brushes mine and I can feel how heavy my breathing is.

His mouth tastes like fresh mint and I wonder how on earth it's possible since I had occupied the washroom for the past half hour.

His hands are gentle as they run down my sides and when he parts my lips with his tongue to deepen the kiss I exhale harshly through my nose. A little groan escapes his mouth as my fingers momentarily curl around the short hair at his nape and then he is pulling away from my willing lips.

Our mouths part with a soft pop and when I open my eyes, his brown gaze is dark and glimmering. His mouth curls up at the corners and then he is rolling away, giving me my space and taking my breath with him as well.

"You…" I trail off with a shaky breath and he has his eyes on the canopy.

"I want you to find solace in my arms, not fear. I will demand nothing you are not willing to give and I think it's far too early for both of us. Am I wrong?" He turns to face me and I swallow hard as I lock eyes with him.

When I remain silent, he cocks and eyebrow, "I'd be more than happy to continue if that's-…"

"Thank you." I cut him off and he grins with slightly red lips, "I mean it." I whisper and he rolls onto his side.

He reaches out and curls an arm around my side, effectively pulling me closer to him.

He gazes down at me and then laughs.

"What?" I frown as I turn onto my side so that I am facing his chest and neck.

He drags me closer and places his head on the pillow before he replies, "I told you I'd get my kiss." He murmurs and then closes his eyes.

I smile and lay my head on his pillow. I spend the rest of the night listening to his soft breathing. When he starts snoring, I snort and come to the conclusion that gentleman or not, he is still a man.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The next morning, I am standing in the middle of the hall. I have no idea which way I must go to get to the kitchen and Barnabas is nowhere to be seen. The note on his pillow informed me that he has a business meeting down at the docks and that left me with no one to show me the way.

I am not about to start shouting for the maids or ringing the bells like some obnoxious mistress. I hate ordering people around and I am not used to it. In my house, we only had one maid, Nellie, and even she was treated as a part of the family.

No, I have to find my own way around.

Shaking my head, I start walking down the corridor. I pass through a room and notice movement.

Curiously, I peer inside and when I see one of the maids I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Pardon, this is the drawing room, yes?" I call and when the maid turns I pause.

_Oh._

"Yes." Angelique's thick accent greets me and I nod.

"Angelique, yes?" I smile and she continues to stare at me steadily with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Yes."

"I am little confused…Do I walk up or down to get to the kitchen?" I ask and she wrinkles her nose at me.

"Down." she replies as she motions with her head, "But I cannot show you the way. I have work." Her tone is clipped and I am momentarily staggered by the spite in her voice.

"No one asked you to." I reply with the same amount of confidence and she turns her back on me, obviously trying to ignore me as she resumes dusting.

"My Master has already appointed a maid for you; Helen." She says and I frown at the implication. She means that I am not allowed to order her around or meddle with her work.

"I see."

"You can call her by ringing the bell. It's in the master chamber. Right next to your bed" She points out with a smirk and I smile at her sarcasm.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, dear." I say and she seems surprised as she turns to look at me, "Thankfully, the good Lord has gifted me with the ability to see. Carry on with your work and forgive my disturbance." I step back and before I can see the expression on her face, I walk away.

As I make my way down the long carpeted hall, I come to the alarming conclusion that my days here won't be easy. I'll have to endure the wrath of a woman scorned.

Unfortunately, I never was one for competition or conflict. Maybe I should make that known. And soon.

**End if chapter 8**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. I hope you weren't expecting them to be an actual couple so soon, right? I was going to include another scene, but I thought better of it and I am saving it for the next chapter. Any guesses of what this scene might be?**

**Also, the back and forth bits are over. We are going to see what led us to the future scenes now.**

**So, liked it? Hated it? Let me know!**

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina ;o)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello and welcome to another chapter.**

**A huge thank you to: angelofire, dionne dance, MissMisc3, Sea Rover, LabyFan23, Newland Archer, XantheXV, Makrciana, skycord1990, AngeliqueBouchard1972, TinkerbellxO, ForeverACharmedOne, runs with myths, PGAEmma, Jandra1969 and lottielovebuzz.**

**You are all wonderful for your support!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

_**From the deepest desires often comes the deadliest hate.**_

_**~Victor Hugo**_

I reach out and take a sip from my warm tea, watching out of the corner of my eye as Lady Collins is elegantly eating her eggs, her face expressionless. I lower the teacup and turn my eyes on Master Joshua. He is reading from a book and he is idly twirling his cup, his features relaxed and kind.

I run my tongue over my teeth as the sweet taste of tea lingers and when I look to my left I see my husband looking at me. He is leaning back in his chair and his plate is empty. As my eyes catch his own he smiles and sends me a tiny wink, causing me to shake my head in amusement. I can feel myself flush and I am surprised when he chuckles out loud.

His parents look up at us and Master Joshua smiles.

"Barnabas." His mother speaks up and when I look at her I can see that she's shaking her head, "Whatever did you do to our dear Elita. Heavens, she's blushing." Naomi looks aghast and her son only grins.

"Yes, she does that a lot." He murmurs as he takes a sip from his cup and looks at me.

I narrow my eyes at him, but the only response I get is another chuckle. Well, at least I am amusing. That's a good thing. Last thing I desire is to have him hate me or ignore me…Well, the latest would be worse for some reason unknown to me.

"You're being inappropriate for the breakfast table." Naomi chides and I look at her with a tiny frown.

Why is she saying that? He's only trying to make me feel comfortable; something that she hasn't managed to accomplish so far. She's far too serious and uptight in my presence…I think she's trying to give the good example. She is trying to show how a wife must behave.

I inwardly snort. I have always detested pretentiousness. I believe that people should be themselves with minimal restrictions.

"So far, mother, you're the only one who cares." Barnabas' reply is not clipped, but it is a little bit breezy.

Naomi curls her lip and shakes her head at her son, "Well then…" She looks up at me and offers a small smile, "Have you decided if you're going to travel or not? The summer is almost over and I am sure you'd like to-…"

"Excuse me, ma'am." Angelique's voice cuts her off rudely and Lady Collins looks at the maid with a cocked eyebrow.

"Haven't I told you that it is rude to cut off other people's speech? Where are your manners, child?" She chides and I look at the maid, studying her and I can see defiance in her vivid blue gaze.

The more I look at her the more I realize that she is barely managing to keep a neutral face with her hands tightly clenched upon her immaculate apron.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. But there is someone here for Master Joshua." Angelique replies tightly, almost forcing the words out and Lady Collins opens her mouth to speak, but her husband beats her to it.

"For me? Who is it?" He asks as he lowers his book and removes his glasses.

"A delivery for you, sir." The maid murmurs and he offers a smile before he stands up.

"Excuse me, but the new desk for my study must be here." He says and then his eyes fall on me, "Will you join me, dear? I do believe I need your opinion when it comes to rearranging furniture. Naomi gets awfully bored when it comes to my personal quarters."

The words are spoken without malice and he obviously wants to save me from his wife's comments. I accept immediately and stand up, thankful for the distraction.

"It would be my pleasure." I smile and with a nod at my mother-in-law and a smile towards Barnabas, I follow him out of the room with a sigh of relief.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

As I make my way to the parlor an hour later, I pause for I can hear loud, sharp voices coming from the other side of the door. I tense up and freeze in my step.

"Mother, stop this. You're being ridiculous." Barnabas' voice is resolute and brisk and the animosity in it shakes me to my very core. He hardly ever gets upset and when he does he doesn't really show it…At least to me.

"Ridiculous! I agreed to this marriage so you can be happy. What is a marriage without children? How are you going to have offspring if you do not lie with your wife-…"

My eyes widen and I tense up at her words. How on earth does she know what…?

"Mother!" Barnabas' angry voice causes me to gasp, "Not that it is any of your business, but how on earth do you know what is going on in my chamber?"

I nod because he is obviously reading my thoughts.

His mother pauses before she replies, "I have to know what is going on in my own house."

The silence that follows proves Barnabas' quiet fury, "You've been spying on me? On _us_?"

"Of course not! It's not my fault that the staff talks-…"

"Did you put anyone up to this?" I can hear Barnabas' boots thudding on the marble floor as he walks, but whether he is distancing himself from his mother or not is unknown to me.

"Don't be absurd-…"

"Helen would never _speak_ of such things. So, I can only assume that you were informed by someone else." Barnabas hisses, "I pleaded you to remove her from my wife's service. Is that why you didn't oblige? Because she talks?" His tone is sharp, cutting and incredulous and I swallow hard. They are obviously speaking about Angelique. She has been coming in and out of our quarters since the first day I stepped foot in Collinwood.

"Angelique? If it were on me, I'd have her out of this house in a heartbeat. Your father is kind enough to let her stay even after your indiscretions!" Naomi's voice is loud and I can't even blink from the shock.

"That has nothing to do with the fact that you've been spying on me and _my_ wife." Barnabas' voice is low, forbidding and I know he is trying to wield power over his mother, but it is useless.

"Yes, the wife I allowed you to choose-…"

"Allowed me? It is _my_ life. Stop interfering in it! I won't have you embarrass my wife in such a manner." I inhale sharply when I hear the power in his words, but I know that there are certain things that are expected from us; from me. I need to start getting used to the idea of a married life.

"Your marriage is void until you consummate it!" Naomi finally snaps and everything goes quiet.

I place a hand over my mouth at the blatant exclamation of Barnabas' mother and I stare at the door with wide eyed intensity. It's a wonder the wood hasn't burst in flames from my staring.

"Oh, don't you worry. I shall make sure to present you with the bloodied and soiled sheets as soon as I can. That would ease your mind and it would probably convince you to finally leave me alone!" Barnabas speech is quiet and extremely clinical and my throat goes dry at the implication of his words.

I hear footsteps then and I step back, but there is not time. All I can do is look up when the door opens and Barnabas steps out, looking ruffled and upset beyond imagination.

He freezes when he sees me and his breath is a sharp inhalation as we lock eyes.

"Elita." he breathes out and I shake my head at him, "You heard?"

I offer a tiny smile and nod my head and his nostrils flare as he curls his fingers around the doorknob and slams the door shut with such force that the hinges are shaken. I jump a little at Lady Collins' gasp, but I have no time to think about it because his hand is on my wrist a moment later, tugging me behind him, pulling me away from the parlor and his mother.

"I wish you hadn't heard." He mutters as he pulls me towards the dining room.

He doesn't let me go once we're there and I reach out, placing my hand on his arm in an effort to make him look at me. He pauses and turns his face towards me.

"You shouldn't worry…It was my mistake. I should have left." I mutter and he clicks his tongue.

"I am sorry. She has this…notion that everyone must abide by her rules." He says and I pull my hand away from his arm.

"It's her house." My voice is quiet, but even I can taste the bitterness in it. It's not deliberate, but natural.

Barnabas releases me and runs a hand through his dark hair in aggravation. "It is my life. Our marriage. She has no part in it."

I nod, not disagreeing with his statement, "Of course. But I suppose she…" I trail off and his eyes zero on mine.

"Yes?"

"I suppose she is right."

His eyes widen, "Right? So, you like it when she is spying on us? Our sexual life is not her concern."

I flush at his words and ignore it, but he is staring and it is not an easy task.

"I don't mean that…Of course not. Why…" Words betray me and I reach up to rub my temples, "Why did you marry me?" I look up and I can see that he is frowning.

"You know why."

"Actually, I don't."

"You're wonderful." The words are spoken quietly and I can't help but smile at his kindness.

"But you do not love me. That is fine. Most marriages do not start out of love." I give a gentle shrug and he nods.

"And that is a good thing." He murmurs and I pause.

"Um…it is?"

He nods and smiles a little, "Love is blinding…It blurs things together until you can no longer see clearly."

His tone is distant, as if he is making an observation and I frown a little.

"You mean to say that marriages are better without love?" I ask and he looks at me, his chest heaving with his inhalation.

"What is love, Elita? It is no longer clear to me." He steps closer and slowly reaches up to trail the back of his knuckles over my cheek. I shiver, but don't move.

"All I know is that if I had married Josette…" He trails off and I am suddenly very interested and very much aware of his close proximity.

"What?" I breathe and he briefly closes his eyes as if to gather his thoughts.

"I would have smothered her." He finishes and I gasp a little.

"Smother?"

He lets out a long breath, "Not literally. My desire for her-my desire to be with her-would have smothered her. It would have killed anything between us because infatuation leaves no room for an appropriate relationship to develop. It fogs everything with the desire to simply be with someone instead of allowing the chance to actually get to know them." He pulls his hand away from my cheek and shrugs helplessly, "I know nothing about Josette. I don't know what she likes to do, or what kind of…I was preoccupied with my fixation to care about _knowing_ her. What does that tell about love?"

I stare at him for a few moments before I speak, "Then it is not love." I say at last and he looks wounded at my words, "Love does not linger on one's looks…It has deeper roots…Roots that only time and death can tear. Love sees beyond what is visible to the eye."

He exhales quietly and bites his lip, "Now I feel young and ignorant." He mutters awkwardly and I actually laugh.

"I feel the same."

He cocks an eyebrow at my response. "What about Mr. Black-…"

"Mr. Black is not an appropriate example when we talk about love." I take a step back, but he catches my elbow before I can distance myself more.

"Then what is?"

"I am not sure yet." I shake my head, "I shall only endeavor to know with time."

Barnabas regards me for a few moments before he pulls me to his chest, "Forgive me…for all the things you heard. I shall make sure no one meddles with our affairs again."

His words are breathed in my ear and I briefly curl an arm around his slim waist, applying gentle pressure and he sighs.

"Alright." I say out loud, but I know it is impossible.

He lingers for a moment longer and then pulls back, "I will talk with the maids and I will make clear that only Helen is accepted into our chamber."

I lick my lips and nod, "May I speak freely?" I ask and he nods.

"Of course."

I take a deep breath, "I do not think your mother put her up to it. I do think she has a mind of her own…"

He furrows his brow, "You speak as if you have personal experience. Did something happen?" His eyes are searching mine with care and I shake my head.

"Nothing I couldn't handle. "

"Elita, if she was out of line-…"

"Barnabas, I shall be honest. Do not expect her to show respect to me. As long as I am here-…"

"What does that mean? _As long as you are here?_ You're my wife."

I clear my throat, "So it's said, but I am not the one who _knows_ you. She is. So, as long as I am here she will never-…"

"I don't like the doubt in your voice." He cuts me off, "I have done nothing since that night to encourage her."

"Barnabas," I start, "She is a young woman…A woman who works as a maid. A man like you showed her interest. It's only natural that she will cling to that night. I am sorry to tell you this, but it is your fault. Now we have to endure it unless you dismiss her."

He looks stricken, but his eyes show comprehension. "I understand…but I can't dismiss her. It wouldn't be right…I…" He closes his eyes briefly and then nods, "You are right. Do you think talking to her would help?"

I sigh in relief, "Probably. You're the only one she'll listen…"

_Hopefully._ I think, but don't speak the word out loud.

"Alright." He nods to himself and then looks up at me, "Thank you." He breathes and then he steps forward, leaning towards me. I am holding my breath, expecting the upcoming kiss, but not knowing _where_ I should expect it. His destination is obviously my forehead, but then he stops. I watch as his eyes flicker above my shoulder for a moment, but then they are on me. He exhales quietly and then he closes the gap between us with a kiss on my slightly parted lips. My eyes drift closed as his mouth closes around my bottom lip and when he lingers, sucking the tender flesh I exhale shakily. He pulls back with a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and my eyes fly open.

"I shall see you tonight." He murmurs and parts from me.

I stand there with a short breath and flushed cheeks and when he speaks I freeze.

"Good day, mother." He mutters as his footsteps take him away from the room.

I slowly turn around and my eyes lock with Lady Collins' stony gaze.

"Is there-…"

"Your input is needed in the kitchen. For the day's menu." She cuts me off in a strong voice and I frown.

"Oh, I thought you…"

"My son has made it clear that I am no longer the lady of the house. Otherwise he would respect my words and warnings. Perform your duty soon, please. That goes for _all_ your duties, child." With these words she turns and walks out of the room, leaving me alone.

I stand for a while, simply mulling over her words and I come to the conclusion that I only just now have started to fully realize the extent of her expectations. I also come to the alarming realization that my mother- in-law doesn't like me.

I take an uneven breath and as I look up I can already feel the stony walls of Collinwood closing in on me, making it difficult for me to breathe. They are right. Gilded cages do come with a price.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I don't even know how long I have been in the library. Probably hours, but it seems like days since I arrived at the West wing of the manor. I lean further back in the plush armchair and blink, trying to ignore how heavy my eyelids feel. Dinner was awkward. Master Joshua was groggy and tired, but he ate. Lady Collins was silent and forbidding every time I attempted to make conversation and Barnabas…Barnabas was not there. He didn't come for dinner. I don't know why I was so surprised and disappointed; probably because he is the only person who can make dinner time bearable. His mother's gaze is always too studying and judgmental to make _anyone_ comfortable, let alone me.

I shift upon the armchair and stretch my legs upon the stool, hell-bent on my decision to finish the chapter before I turn in for the night, but I am too distracted. I place the open book on my lap and rub my eyes with both hands, trying to ease the tension behind my burning eyelids. I have long realized that I am homesick. I miss my own room, my own bed; I even mish my mother and her constant chatting. Collinwood is my new house, but it is not a home; it is not _my_ home.

The door creaks open and I look up with a start. Barnabas looks at me with soft eyes and I take a deep breath.

"Good evening." He murmurs and I nod at him.

"Welcome." I put my book aside and lean forward to place it on the small table next to me, "Are you hungry or did you have dinner already?" I ask and as I turn towards him I am surprised to see that his eyes are on my bare feet. I look down and notice that my black and white robe has been pushed up, revealing my calves to his dark gaze.

I lower my feet from the stool and stand. The robe slides down and covers my legs.

His eyes trail up and when he locks eyes with me his cheeks are a little pink.

"I have had dinner in the kitchen." He points out meaningfully and I pause.

"Oh." I gather my book and walk towards him, "Should I be worried?" I ask quietly, but he only shakes his head.

"Alright…You look tired." I murmur and he runs a hand through his hair before groans.

"I've been at the docks all day and then I had to work on some papers." He admits with a sigh and I nod.

"I see. Come, I shall draw you a bath." I say as I pass by him.

When he doesn't follow me I pause and turn to look at him, "Is there something wrong?" I frown.

Barnabas pushes away from the door and walks towards me, his eyes thoughtful and dark. "Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"Ignore the way I look at you." He deadpans and I flinch.

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. It is like you don't want me to pay you any attention."

"That's not true." I defend and then I sigh, "I just don't want you to feel that you're obliged to fuss over me. I would be grateful if I could call you my friend."

"I am your friend." He insists, "But I am also your husband. I want to be and you seem reluctant to accept it."

"I am not reluctant. I am trying." I say as I step up to him and look him in the eye, "You would have seen that if you had followed me." I retort and then I pull away, "Will you come?"

His mouth twitches and before I know it he is fully smirking at me, his eyes playful, "Oh wouldn't you like to know?" He murmurs and I push away the blush that is fighting for dominance before I turn my back to him.

"Good." I mutter before I start walking towards our chamber. My skin prickles when he follows me at an appropriate distance.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"When I was a child I fell into a huge bucket of water." Barnabas' voice startles me from my awfully embarrassed state and I look at him.

He is lounging back in the bath tub with his hands hanging from of the edges.

"What?" I laugh as I lather up a cloth and then bring it to my nose.

"Deer musk." He answers my silent question and I look up, "Mixed up with musk flower. Do you like it?" He asks and I nod.

"Earthly." I reply, "Yet alluring." I murmur and then I realize why he smells like that _all_ the time. It's his soap.

"Hmm…You don't want to know from what it is made of." He chuckles and I roll my eyes.

"I do know what deer musk is." I announce and then lean forward to rub at his forearm with the soapy cloth, "So, how did you fall _in_ the bucket? How on earth _can_ you fall into a bucket?" I ask and he smirks.

"Well," he raises his chin as I pass the cloth up and down his neck, "If you're a tiny lad you can fall into a large bucket of water. Our laundry maid did get an earful from my mother for the incident if I recall correctly." He adds with a little laugh and I smile.

"Well, since we are sharing embarrassing incidents," I start and his eyes lock on my face as I wash his shoulders, "I was forced to sing in church when I was little…They didn't really know if I could actually sing and so," I look at him and he's already grinning, "So, when I actually stepped up to sing…I was so out of tune that the priest himself had to stop me. Personally, I didn't think I was that bad, so I kept singing afterwards in a vain attempt to convince my parents _and_ the priest that I can sing. It earned me a sore throat and a lot of embarrassment." I shrug and he chuckles.

"I cannot imagine you _not_ being able to sing…You have a very soothing voice…" he starts, "Have you tried it since then?" He tilts his head to the side as I take his hand and raise it so I can wash his underarm.

"I have not…" I shake my head.

"Not even in the bath?" He asks as he takes my hand and brings it to his mouth. Wet and soapy as it is he kisses it and looks up at me.

"Sometimes." I admit and he smiles before he leans forward. His fingers hook on the knot of my robe and with a tug he loosens it.

I grasp his hand and he looks at me. "Barnabas."

"It is only fair." He murmurs and I swallow hard.

"Life is not fair." I say, but his free hand is already sliding my robe up my thighs, bunching it around them until his fingertips glide over the back of my legs.

"_You_ are fair. Now, join me." His voice is a whisper and I take a deep breath before I release his wrist. I reach up and part the robe, shrugging it off my shoulders until I am only in my thin chemise. I drop the robe to the floor and I place one leg inside the water and then the next. His hands slide up to my hips as I do so and when I lower myself inside the soapy water they encircle my waist, turning me and pulling me to his chest.

The thin fabric of the chemise is immediately soaked from the water and I am fairly certain that it is transparent, but I decide not to worry about it since the water reaches my breasts.

The sensation of his nose on the skin of my neck is sufficient enough to make me shudder because it is warm and wet from his bath. He briefly nuzzles my pulse spot and his fingers rub circles on my waist as he reclines back in the tub with his spine firmly pressed against the cool surface.

"Isn't this nice? Hmm? You were getting cold in that flimsy thing." His breath is hot on my ear and I can feel his hand on my loose bun, his fingers twirling a stray lock of hair.

"What did you do today?" He asks and I am thankful when he pulls his attention from me; at least with his words if not his hands.

"I busied myself in the kitchen. Trying to avoid…" I trail off and then I bite my tongue hard.

"Let me guess. You wanted to avoid my mother." He sighs as he slides his hand on my stomach, just under my breasts, "What did she say to you?"

I pause because I don't wish to be the cause of more arguments between them.

"Nothing." I choose to lie, "I just realized that she doesn't like me."

I can feel his chest heave with his sharp intake, "Darling, my mother doesn't like any women, let alone the woman who has become my wife."

"Yes…Even my choice of menu was not to her liking." I mutter as I twirl my finger in the water, disturbing it.

"I liked it well enough." His reply makes me smile and I relax in his hold a little.

"Why is that?" I ask suddenly and he pauses.

"Why is what? The seasoning was excellent and the-…"

I laugh. "No, why do mothers detest brides? I don't understand it. What is so special about men? Shouldn't our mothers worry about the fate of their daughters too?" My questions come with large tinges of complaint in them and I can hear the wheels turning in his head as he considers my questions.

"I do not know." He answers at last as he pushes me backwards so that I am leaning against his chest. As my head finds his shoulder, he reaches up to cradle my head in his soapy hand.

"I suppose it is that blasted belief that no woman can ever satisfy the son besides the mother." He murmurs and I laugh a little.

"Now, I don't think your mother would be happy if you had the role of Oedipus."

Barnabas chuckles, "You know about the myth?" He asks as he presses his lips to my temple, moistening it with water.

"Of course…The king who leaves his son to die in hopes that he can reverse an awful prophecy. Then the son survives and he is raised by another king. Oedipus grows up and learns about the prophecy that forced his actual father to abandon him and flees his home. On his way to his fate, he encounters a man and they get into a quarrel." I pause when I feel his lips on my cheek, but I go on, "Oedipus kills the man and arrives at the city of Thebes. On his way there, he answers the Sphinx's riddle. The Sphinx was a monster that had been plaguing the city and with his right answer he manages to free Thebes. He soon finds out that the king is dead and since he answered the Sphinx's riddle, he can now marry the king's widow, Jocast. Without him knowing much about her, he marries Jocast and they have two children. Later it is revealed that the son married the mother and so, once the realization dawns Jocast kills herself while Oedipus blinds himself with a pin from her dress." I pause as he presses his cheek against mine and sighs, "Jocast did not only marry her son, but also her husband's killer. An original tale about fate and its cruel tricks." I shake my head, "So, I do not think your mother would actually want to damn her soul."

"Sinners are those who pretend to be virtuous while they are not. A sin is not only a deed, but also a thought, even a word. My mother is blind if she thinks she is the perfect wife." Barnabas mutters as he kisses my cheek again.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask and he swallows before he replies.

"Never mind that…" He dodges the question and I frown.

"But-…"

"You've read ancient myths…So, I suppose that like me you were tutored at home?" He changes the subject, but I can tell that there was bitterness in his previous words.

"Yes, I was." I nod my head and he hums in response.

"Then you might need to search my library better. I have a book about Greek mythology. I think you shall find it interesting." His hand is on my shoulder, gently kneading as I nod.

"So." I start as I turn to look at him, "Why did you look so tired when you returned earlier?" I ask and he tenses up.

"I told you."

"But I don't believe you. I think your time in the kitchens was far more tiring than your business at the docks." I hint and he sighs.

"Well, if you must know, it was awful." He admits, "I have no wish to dig deeper tonight, please."

I nod, "Of course. I am sorry. It's not my business."

"Of course it is." He grasps my chin and turns me towards him, "And I am sorry about my mother. She will get used to it." He smiles at me and I take a breath before I return it. I reach up and place my hand over his on my chin.

"They brought new carpets for the chamber today…Persian carpets. In blue colors." I narrow my eyes and he blinks innocently.

"Oh?"

"Barnabas," I sigh with a smile, "I know you ordered them for me."

The innocent mask breaks when he grins at me, "You caught me." He leans closer, "What are you going to do with me now?" He asks huskily and I shiver as his hand slides up to my left breast, touching me through the soaked chemise.

"Thank you." I whisper and he brushes his nose against mine.

"It's your room and you can decorate it in your favorite color. What was my mother's response?" He asks as his fingers brush my collarbone.

"She stared. A lot." I say and he laughs before his eyes darken.

"I want to make you happy." His hand closes over my breast again, cupping it and I inhale sharply, a hazy fog falling over my eyes, veiling them. "In any way that I can." He adds and my lips part as his touch lingers, scorching my skin with heat even through the clothing that is separating us.

I blink the haze away, but it doesn't budge and when he leans closer I don't move away. His lips cover my own and he presses me closer, his chest digging into my side and his thighs tight around my hips. I let my mouth drop open and he groans as his tongue rubs against my bottom lip.

His hand cups the back of my head and as I kiss him I can feel him pressing against me, the evidence of my affect on him hot and heavy against my thigh.

My eyes widen and I place my hand on his chest in an effort to gather my thoughts and think. He releases my mouth with a soft grunt and his eyes open minutely to gaze at me.

I swallow hard and he leans his forehead against mine as he tries to regulate his breathing.

"Must I apologize?" He asks and I quickly shake my head.

My response causes him to smile and chuckle throatily, but before he can kiss me again there is a knock on our chamber door.

I freeze and slowly pull back. He releases me with reluctance and I slowly rise from the tub. Water drips down my body in thick rivulets at first, but I quickly reach for a towel. I glance at him as I try to get out of the water and he steadies me with a hand on my waist.

"Thank you." I breathe and he smiles at me, the grin secretive and intense and I quickly grab my robe and head for the chamber.

I remove the soaked chemise and quickly throw a thicker robe on me.

"Come in." I call and Helen peers inside, her cheeks flushed.

"I am sorry to disturb you, ma'am. Especially at this hour." She whispers and I beckon her inside.

"It's alright."

Well, it is after ten, but it is of no consequence. I can barely regulate the wild beating of my heart.

"Um, I have some news for Master." She says and I frown.

"News?"

"Yes, ma'am…Is he indisposed?" Helen asks and I slowly shake my head.

"No, he is…"

"Helen?" Barnabas appears at the threshold and he is clad in a pair of dark breeches and his robe, "What is it?"

Helen hesitates and looks at me. I frown and gaze at Barnabas with puzzlement.

"You may speak freely in front of my wife." He informs her and nods at her, encouraging her to speak.

Helen wrings her hands nervously before she steps closer.

"You…you asked me to deliver any news from the Du Pres residence to you, sir." She starts and I look at Barnabas. I watch as various emotions pass over his features, but the most prominent one is guilt.

"Indeed…Tell me. Is there something wrong?" He asks at last while shooting me a quick glance.

"Oh, master. The whole town is in a fuss! News arrived this evening that Ms. Du Pres fell ill."

Only silence follows until Barnabas' quiet whisper breaks it.

"Ill?"

I look at him and I long to touch him and comfort him, but I do not move because he might not want me to.

"Yes, sir. The family's doctor visited them and he had the most dreadful news! His wife has not stopped talking about it!" Helen looks deeply troubled and I start worrying that this is something way too serious.

"What news?" He asks impatiently and Helen bites her lip.

"Oh, sir…"

"Helen, calm down and talk to us." I speak up and the maid looks at me oddly.

"I fear of displeasing you, ma'am…" She whispers and I shake my head.

"You won't." I assure her and then she looks at my husband who is as still as a statue.

"What illness has fallen upon her? For God's sake, speak!" Barnabas hisses and Helen gulps.

"The rumor is that…Master, the rumor is that Ms. Du Pres was with child." Helen finally blurts out with a wince and I gasp while Barnabas blinks incomprehensively.

"What?" He whispers with his face as pale as a sheet, his normally handsome features now ashen.

"She was with child, but she lost it, sir. And now…" Helen trails off, but here is no need. I already know what the gossip is. Josette was his fiancée and so…

I slowly turn and look at Barnabas, but he is barely breathing. His eyes are two dark pools of despair and his lips are parted in agonizing shock.

"Barnabas?" I whisper as I touch his arm, but he flinches. He stumbles back and his eyes are suddenly on me, wide and tormented.

As he stares at me and I stare back, I realize that the rumor is probably not just a rumor. It's a fact, but before I have time to speak, he turns and disappears into the washroom. The slam of the door keeps ringing in my ears minutes after his leave.

Not helping it, I collapse on the first thing that is close to me; the carpeted floor.

**End of chapter 9**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. Were you expecting that? Do you think Barnabas knew about the pregnancy? Hmm?**

**Okay, some facts: musk deer is what musk soaps were initially made of. They used a certain gland of the deer (yes, the animal) and made the soap with a certain process, while adding musk flower in it…Odd, but yeah.**

**The myth about Oedipus is real as many of you might know. The Oedipus complex is derived from that particular Greek myth. Everything said in the chapter about it is real and not made up.**

**So, comments, please? I need them! Give me some love, people!**

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina ;o)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Welcome back. I apologize for the long wait. I want to thank: Sea Rover, lottielovebuzz, Malsie19, LabyFan23, Jandra1969, skycord1990, AshleyN09, dionne dance, TinkerbellxO, guest, Makrciana, XantheXV, runs with myths, PGAEmma and ForeverACharmedOne. You all rock!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

_**Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.**_

_**~Jean-Jacques Rousseau**_

The loud clank of china causes me to look up. My eyes spot my mother from across of me and I stifle a groan. I follow her line of vision and when I realize that she is staring- no, glaring- at my husband I clear my throat; loudly.

Both she and Barnabas look up. My mother looks as if she is ready to throttle me and Barnabas…Barnabas looks as if he has just woken up from a deep daze, his eyes wide and lost.

"You never told us what brings you here so early in the morning." I speak up and my mother's eyes fall upon me with such severity that I want to scream.

"Can't I simply come to see my daughter? With your tone, you shall make me think that I am not welcome here." She replies bitingly and I force a small smile on my face.

"Of course you are. Don't be silly, mother…How is Father?" I ask as I take tiny bite from my eggs. They taste like ash in my mouth, but I swallow them nonetheless. I know why my mother is here; to scold me and insult Barnabas. That much is clear.

"He endures the shame that has fallen upon us." Her reply is not unexpected. In fact, I'd be disappointed if she didn't mention it.

I sigh gently and I can see how Barnabas tenses up at her words. His hands tighten around the arms of the chair and his lips are pressed tightly together. His skin is pale, almost ashen, and his eyes are red and tired. He hasn't slept in over a week. I haven't slept either because no matter how hard I try I cannot find it in me to be cross with him. Not when I know how deeply in love he was -is- with the frail looking young woman.

I tighten my fingers around my spoon when I remind myself that if it wasn't for me, he'd be with her…Somehow he would make it work…I think so at least.

"Shame? I cannot believe that you listen to such vicious rumors, mother." I say at last and she glares at me.

"I cannot believe you, child." She hisses as she drops all pretence and throws her napkin away, "Isn't all this affecting you at all?"

Barnabas looks at me with pained eyes and for a moment I think he is ready to explode, but I implore him with my eyes. His knuckles release their hold on the arms of the chair and he leans forward, pressing the heels of his hands hard against his eyes.

"Mother, please. I cannot believe how much you enjoy provoking me." I say quietly and my mother shakes her head at me.

"Pretending nothing happened won't erase the fact that something did." She informs me with coldness and I open my mouth to reply, but I am cut off.

"Pretending Elita is at fault here won't help either, Mr. Heartcowl. I must insist that you turn your wrath upon me instead of scolding my wife like she is five years old." Barnabas' voice is low, barely composed and he is not looking up as he speaks. I know that it will take very little for him to snap. He's been holding his anger and pain in for days.

My mother looks at him with a scowl, "If she wasn't acting so aloof then perhaps I'd believe she is not a child that doesn't understand the consequences of such a grave mistake of judgment-…"

"Perhaps your daughter has something that you won't ever possess." Barnabas finally looks up, "Sensitivity."

I nearly gasp at the polite insult and my mother's face flushes with anger.

"Sensitivity? Must I applaud you too, Barnabas? Acting like this? Marrying my daughter and then what? Leaving a woman with child and then abandon her-…"

"Mother!" I drop my fork and slap my hands on the table, but the damage is already done.

Barnabas doesn't wait for any more words. He is up in a flash and he knocks his chair to the ground in his haste to get away. The table rattles as his thighs connect with it on his way out of the room. The two maids look shocked at their Master's reaction to a few words and they part like the sea for him to exit the dining room.

"Barnabas!" I am up on my feet and my mother looks aghast.

"Will you stand for this? Him acting so ruthlessly? And in my presence?" She stands up as well and I close my eyes in a futile effort to calm down.

I let out a shaky breath and then I open my eyes again, "Mother, the only one acting ruthlessly here is you. Please, return only when you have managed to tame your anger." I turn, ready to leave, but of course she is not done. I come to the realization that my mother might be just as bad as Barnabas' when it comes to misunderstanding situations.

"You're not angry at all?" Her voice is shocked and horrified.

Slowly, I turn to face her again, "I cannot understand you. You're acting like I am in a marriage with a man who actually loves me…or that I love him. You know how we came together in this. Don't act the cheated mother-in-law when you know that this is a marriage of expedience."

Her eyes narrow as she walks around the table to stand in front of me. "Respect is the root of every happy marriage, not love. So far, I've seen little respect."

"Respect? What about you? Do you show respect? This is my house now. You cannot barge in and throw accusations on my husband's face! On my face."

She gasps and I shake my head.

"Don't speak of things you have no knowledge of. I even doubt Father cares as much as you do about this. It's over. There is no child. Thus, there is no shame. Forget about it like most people in this town have." I step away and when she speaks again her words are softer.

"The town? Have you gone out at all?" She sounds closer, but I do not turn around, "People still talk about it even after two weeks. I cannot show my face in church-…"

"Maybe the townspeople have to pardon the man who _made_ their precious Collinsport." I turn to look at her from over my shoulder, "Don't you think?"

I don't mention the fact that she should as well. Without the Collins, my father's business wouldn't be as profitable or successful. But I don't have to. She realizes that what I said applies for her as well and she tenses up in shock.

"Elita." She whispers, but I don't stay to listen.

"Good day, mother." I call through my teeth before I disappear out of the room.

I can feel her eyes on me as I make my retreat, but I don't care. I have to live in this house and endure it all. She is safely in her home with a man who actually loves her. She is fine.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The drawing room's door is closed as I come to stop in front of it. I hesitate because I am not sure he wants to see me or face me right now. I know how this looks. Everyone is wondering how I can stand for it, but I just can. I am just sad that I cannot help him somehow. I am sad that he cannot have the family he wants because of our sham of a marriage. I came last. He had this whole life planned and I know that the child was in his plans as well at the time. I cannot blame him for something that was done long before I came along. But the outcome…the outcome is on my shoulders as well. I have to bear the weight of his past because that is what propriety demands. That is how our little society functions.

The gossips and rumors are turning this into a Greek tragedy full of deception, lies and made up facts that trouble the ones involved in this little show of false virtue and love. It's magnificent what things the human mind can come up with when bored.

"Madam?" Helen's voice is close and I am startled as I turn to look at her.

She is standing down the hall, a cloth in her hand. "May I bring you anything, ma'am? Some tea? For Master as well." She suggests and a small smile tugs on my lips.

"Thank you, Helen." I say quietly and she seems glad to be doing something for me.

"It will only take a moment, ma'am." She is gone in a flash and I gather my resolve as I look at the door again.

I raise my hand and knock softly before I push it open. He is sitting in front of the pianoforte with his head cradled in his hand. The windows are closed and the place is dark.

In silence, I walk over to the large balcony doors and pull them open. They squeak a little as I open them wide and I take a deep breath. The air smells of salt and sea and I bask in it for a moment before I turn to face my husband. He has realized that he is not alone and I can see him shooting flitting glances towards me as I slowly make my way over to the stool. I come to stand next to the seat and I lean down to press on a key. He blinks in response and I do so again until his eyes find my fingers. Hs dark gaze follows the slow glides of my hand and I can see him swallowing hard. His shoulders relax and the tension slowly evaporates as he focuses on my fingertips.

"I have ordered tea." I murmur and he pulls his hand away from his cheek to catch my moving hand instead. I pause as his fingers curl around my wrist and I watch with surprise as he brings my hand to his lips. His mouth touches my open palm and he sighs against it.

"I am sorry." His voice is quiet, hoarse and I blink, "I am sorry for all this."

I pull my hand away and he makes a small sound of desolation as I do so. I place my hand on his shoulder instead, kneading it with my fingers and the small gesture is enough for him to clutch me tight around the waist with the very obvious intention of pulling me closer. I allow it and soon his face is pressed against my stomach, his arm around my hips, pressing heavily on my lower back. His free hand finds my free one and he laces our fingers together.

"It's alright." I breathe in shock as he nuzzles my stomach while shaking his head.

"No, it's not. I am so ashamed of all this." He hisses into the fabric of my dress, "You, my parents, and your family…And Josette. Oh God, Josette. What she must think of me. Do you know she nearly died?" He looks up at me then and I don't know what to say, how to make it better.

"And she never told me-…"

I squeeze his hand, "Maybe she didn't know. Sometimes it can happen." I press my fingers on his shoulder and he closes his eyes.

"She'd never say it anyway. She'd never want to make things worse. I know it." His muscles are tense on his shoulder and as I knead they don't loosen up. He's like a tightly coiled string, ready to snap at the mere nudge.

"It's done. You…" I trail off because I don't know what to say, but he is not listening to me.

"It was just that one time. Just once… When we were still betrothed. I thought I was going to marry her and she was so frail and delicate in my arms." His voice is distant and I know he is back in the past.

My fingers pause their rubbing of his shoulder and I drop my hand to my side as he continues.

"And it was awful." His voice startles me and I look down upon him.

"What?"

He blinks and looks up at me as I tug my hand free of his clutching fingers.

"She cried and I couldn't even…I couldn't understand why. I loved her, I was so careful, but she still-…"

"Barnabas." I cut him off as I cup his face in my hands, "It was not your fault. She should have known it'd be like that-…"

"But it's my last memory of her! And I hate it because all it brought her was pain. First that night and then the miscarriage. And I was not there! I was here with you and it felt good! And I hate it. I hate it because it's not supposed to be like that!" His eyes are wild as he stands, knocking the stool backwards, "I love her and I couldn't even-…" He chokes on a dry sob and my eyes are wide and I don't know what to do. I have never seen him like this and it makes my insides burn with agony. I had never realized before how much he had given up in order to marry me. I had to give up nothing; nothing. James was already dead and he wasn't even worth it. But Josette…Josette deserved it because she kept silent. She suffered alone and she will suffer the humiliation alone as well.

I swallow thickly and I do the only thing that I can think of. I walk over to him as he stands with his back to me and wrap my arms around his middle in a firm embrace. His body stiffens for a few moments in what I think is surprise and then he sags against me, his hands already reaching down to cover my own on his hard stomach. I press my cheek on his back and close my eyes because I know now that I am probably the only one who can understand him. The same applies for me too. He is the only one who really knows me now.

"Elita." He breathes tiredly as he squeezes my hands almost painfully.

"I know." I murmur quietly as I press my cheek harder against his shoulder blade, "I understand."

He sighs and for a moment he stands still, letting me hold him until he takes my hands and turns around. Sliding my arms around his waist, he steps closer to me and touches my face and my neck. He pushes a few strands of my hair behind my ear and his eyes roam my face until he smiles down at me, the wild expression gone from his face.

"Thank you." He breathes with a long breath before he kisses my forehead. His hands travel to my back and he pulls me tight against him, pressing me to him as he lowers his head in the crook of my neck. I shudder as his hot breath falls on my skin and I am suddenly reminded of that night in the washroom. I shake my head to clear it and embrace him tightly as well.

"You deserve the world." His voice is quiet as he nuzzles the skin behind my ear and I flush because that is not true. It's not true because I am jealous. I am jealous of Josette because even if she is alone she has his love. She is loved by someone truly and I…I am not. I am ashamed of my thoughts and I hide my face in his shoulder.

"Elita?" he murmurs in my ear as he rubs my back, "You're so very quiet." He is kneading my back through my dress and corset and I relax against him.

"I'm fine. I am just sad. What my mother said…" I trail off as traitorous tears fill my eyes.

"Shh, hush." He cups the back of my head and it seems like it is time for him to console me, "Forget it. I am fine. I am fine now. You're not angry with me and I am more than fine. We'll get through this, I swear it. What's this?" His eyes are wide as he pulls back and looks at my face. His thumbs are quick to wipe a couple of stray tears away and I shake my head as he raises my face up to his.

"It's just all these days…" I shake my head more firmly, "I'm sorry."

His brow is knitted together as he eyes me with concern and then his hands are pulling me closer again, tucking my head under his chin while holding me tight.

"I have nothing to forgive." His voice is low, "Nothing."

I take a deep breath and smile against his shirt, my hands resting lightly on his slim waist.

A knock on the door causes me to pull back slightly and he lets me, his eyes never leaving my face as he speaks up.

"Come on in, Helen." He calls and the door opens.

The maid walks in with a large tray of teacups, saucer, sugar and milk while Angelique follows in with a tray of biscuits.

I tense up and Barnabas' eyes stray from my face to look at the two women. I can see the way his lips are pressed together in irritation because Angelique is staring at us unabashedly.

"Shall I pour the tea, Master?" Helen speaks up and she looks guilty when she notices my husband's severe gaze.

"No, Helen. You're excused." He replies, but his eyes are soft when he looks at her. He knows that she is only following his mother's orders.

Helen smiles with relief and Barnabas returns it without pulling his hands from my shoulders.

Angelique blinks and looks at us as if we are from another time and place before she remembers herself and bows.

"Master…" She acknowledges him and only shoots a sharp glance my way before she disappears out of the door.

Barnabas sighs, "Come." He takes my hand as he takes me over to the table. I take a seat and when he reaches out to take the saucer, I reach out a hand to stop him.

"I'll do it." I murmur and he smiles sadly.

"You're too good to me." he tells me as he watches me fill his cup, "Will you feed me as well?" He asks and I look up startled only to see his eyes shining with warmth and mirth.

A smile reaches my own mouth and I give a small shrug. "Only if you come to church with me on Sunday." I say and he falters before he looks at my pleading gaze. His resolve is breaking, I can see it, and then he reaches out to squeeze my knee affectionately.

"Whatever you want." He breathes out with an expression of wonder and I flush before I smile. His lighter mood is the best compensation ever and I am just glad that I can actually make him feel better. It's more than what I've ever hoped for.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

My mother looks glad when we enter the church on Sunday and she gets at least a few inches taller as we take our seats next to her. I nod my head at her and as I sit down I can feel Barnabas' hand curling around my own. I let him take my hand and he brings our joined fingers onto his lap, squeezing them tight as all eyes fall upon us.

I take a deep breath and try to keep my attention focused on the vicar, but something catches my attention to our right.

My gaze clashes with Ms. Du Pres' and I freeze. I try not to show how uncomfortable I am to be in the same space with her after everything that has happened, but I know that my skin is already flushing with color. She is quick to look away and I hate the way she is holding her head lowered. This is a nightmare; a complete and utter nightmare.

I chance a look at Barnabas and I can see that he is gazing straight ahead, his eyes not looking away from the altar. His jaw is tightly clenched and a muscle is ticking at his cheek. I avert my gaze and rub my thumb over the back of his hand instead. He doesn't relax, but he does give my hand a squeeze and his hold on his walking stick relaxes greatly.

When we rise to take our leave Barnabas stops to speak to a few of the townspeople, shaking hands and conversing lightly with them. He stays away from the Du Pres family, but that doesn't stop them from staring at him with distaste. Josette is keeping her head lowered and fiddles with the lace on her gloves.

I watch from afar as she excuses herself and walks away from her family. Her feet take her behind the church and I know that she simply wants to disappear. Her parents fall into a conversation with the vicar as the people start leaving and I bite my lip.

I scan the area for my husband before I excuse myself from my mother's company.

She frowns as I walk away, but I pay her no heed.

I reach Barnabas and he breaks into a relieved smile when he sees me.

"Sweetheart." He curls an arm around my back as he motions to the man in front of him.

"Captain Davis, my wife. The Captain is an old friend of my family." He says quietly and I reach out to shake the seaman's hand. His hold is strong and firm and his expression sincere.

"Lady Collins. A pleasure." His withered features are shockingly clear and honest and I smile.

"Likewise, Captain. If you'll excuse me, I need to steal my husband for a moment." I say quietly and he inclines his head, politely turning away.

"Elita?" Barnabas murmurs as I take him to the side, "Is anything the matter?"

"Almost no one is around. I know you wish to speak to her. She's behind the church. Go and I'll keep an eye out for any onlookers." I say quietly as I push him towards the other way.

He blinks rapidly down at me and his mouth parts in shock, "I can't. Not when you're…" He trails off and I lock eyes with him.

"Barnabas, it's alright. I…I don't mind." I whisper.

_Liar._

"Go." I release him and then turn my back to him, a smile on my face as I look at Captain Davis.

I engage in a conversation with him, something about merchandize and islands and time passes by. My eyes are alert, but almost everyone is gone from the church's courtyard. My mother is busy conversing with one of her supposed friends and Josette's parents are still in the company of the vicar.

The chat with the captain makes me feel less like an outsider and I feel lighter, much lighter. At some point he must take his leave and he leaves me with a soft excuse.

I watch him go and quickly peruse the courtyard. Taking a step back, I lean against the bricked wall and peer towards the back.

My light mood is vanished when I am witness to the most shocking event in my life. My eyes go wide as I watch the pale hand of Josette striking my husband's cheek with such force that his head is turned to the side by it.

Our eyes lock and his eyes widen minutely at seeing me there, but Josette's sobs are getting louder and he diverts his attention from me to step up to her. I watch mesmerized as she allows him to touch her and when his arms come around her she falls into his arms like a ragdoll. I blink when she starts crying into his shirt and I try to forget that he had consoled me in the exact same way a few days ago.

Feeling like I am intruding on something private, I quickly turn away and head quickly for my mother, my eyes still cautious and my heart feeling as if someone has stomped on it.

My mother notices my uneasy state and she questions me with her eyes. I simply shake my head and smile in response. That's what I must do; smile.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The wind is cool and strong, disturbing my nightgown and robe as I stand, leaning over the balcony. The sky is cloudy and it looks misty in the dark. It's after midnight, but I cannot sleep. My mind is surprisingly empty and that should worry me, but it doesn't. I feel so very tired, exhausted and weary of each day and that is not how I should feel.

My life could have been worse, much worse after James. My life must look like a fairytale to Josette and well, to everyone. And I suppose that it is. It is because I have everything a woman could ever wish for. Barnabas is lavishing me in gifts almost weekly since that day at the church. Clothes, hats, shoes, even jewelry that I never get around to wear. I know why and it doesn't make me feel better. He feels sorry for me…I think he feels sorry for himself too, but he doesn't show it. He is always in a good mood in my presence, always sending me warm smiles and touching me softly, but I'd rather see him pretending to be alright than have him brooding away in despair like that day in the drawing room.

I blink as I gaze blankly at the wide ocean ahead. It looks like a storm is coming and I have never been more glad that the winter is approaching. The autumn is gone and the chilly wind is enough proof of that. I shiver, but I don't move away. I like the cold. It makes me feel something other than misery and I smile as my hair moves along with the wind. I must look like a madwoman standing in the cold with a smile on my face, but no one is around to watch.

When hands come to settle on my hips I blink out of my daze and I jump a little. I turn and look over my shoulder.

Barnabas is smiling at me, a frown marring his handsome features. "What are you smiling about?" He murmurs curiously as he brushes hair away from my cheek, pushing it behind my shoulder and leaning forward to kiss my cheek.

His chest comes to press tightly against my back and he wounds his arm around my middle as his lips linger on my cheek.

"There's a storm coming." I breathe as I turn to look at the sea again.

He looks up, "Terrible weather. Come back inside." He kisses the back of my head and tries to pull me back with him, but I do not budge.

"You don't like storms?" I ask instead and he chuckles a little. I haven't heard him chuckle in a while.

"If I can curl under the covers with my wife, I do enjoy them." His response is unexpected and it warms the pit of my stomach a little.

"Are you in earnest?" I blurt out and he pauses before he replies very quietly.

"Of course." His free hand comes to knead my back gently, "What's the matter?"

I shake my head, "Nothing. I like sitting here."

"You need to sleep." His voice is laced with reprimand.

"I'll sleep."

His hold on me tightens and I lean back against him because he is warm and I am chilled. Despite my earlier musings, I like it that he is warm. It makes me feel safe.

"Elita." His breath is hot on my neck as he wraps both hands around my waist, crossing them over my stomach as he nestles behind me from head to feet until he groans and turns his head to press an openmouthed kiss on the side of my throat.

"You like it?" He murmurs as he runs a hand down my side over the smooth fabric of my new robe.

"Of course. But you must stop."

"Stop? You deserve everything I give you." His voice is confused and I close my eyes as I lean against him.

"And more." He adds as he squeezes me tight and then pushes me forward. I am startled and I clutch at the railing as he places a hand on my back, trailing his fingers over the smooth material until he comes to lean over me. His hips are pressing tightly into my backside as he places his hand on my shoulder and covers my right hand with his own.

"You must stop being so tightly wound around me, sweetheart. I don't like it." He breathes quietly as he gazes at the sky. I swallow hard as he doesn't move away because I can feel every inch of him digging into my lower back even through the material of his light pants.

He curls his free arm around my stomach and then he is pulling me away from the railing, turning me around so that I am facing him.

"You'll catch your death. Come back to bed." He briefly kisses my nose and then tugs me along with him. He closes the balcony doors and pulls the drapes closed before he takes my hand and guides me to the bed.

"I am not sleepy." I shake my head and he smiles.

"Neither am I."

"Then why…?"

He pushes the robe off my shoulders and shrugs out of his. I try not to look at his exposed chest as he gently pushes me on the bed. I roll until I am on my side and when I look at him again he is already in the process of lying under the covers as well.

He settles his head onto the fluffy pillow and then opens his arms out towards me in invitation.

"Come."

I oblige without much ado and he looks surprised when I accept without much hesitation. I lie my head down onto his chest and I relish in the warmth of his skin.

He inhales deeply and reaches down to fix the covers around us before he slides his hand on my thigh. He caresses it briefly before he hooks his fingers under my knee. He pulls my leg over until it is straddling his thighs and he lets out a tiny sigh.

"Better." He sinks his hand in my hair and I watch as he studies the blond strands, curling them around his fingers while occasionally massaging my scalp.

I blink and I know now that my distance has kept him from showing deeper affection towards me. I am reserved around him because I think he needs me to be. I never thought that he might want a deeper connection. I realize that we are not that different after all.

"Has it always been so?" His husky voice causes me to look up. Our gazes lock and he smiles as one finger comes up to rub at my lips.

"What?"

"Have you always been so well mannered?"

His question confuses me. Me? Well mannered? My mother has always told me that I have been a pain.

"Have you always been so charming?" I ask in return and he chuckles for the second time tonight.

"Are you charmed?" His eyes fall on my lips and I know what he wants. It's quite plain obvious that he wants more than just an embrace.

"You can't." I blurt out before he can close the gap between us.

He looks away from my mouth only to come and haunt my eyes with his burning gaze.

"Why not?" His question is barely audible and I lick my suddenly dry lips.

"Because it'll be a lie."

His eyes darken with a foreign emotion and then his hand is on my jaw, grasping it firmly as he leans his head towards me.

"Desire is not a lie." He murmurs just before he covers my lips with his.

I sit up and he follows me, his mouth never parting from mine as he kisses me deeply. His hands thread through my hair and he groans as he grasps fistfuls of it, weaving his fingers deeply in my tresses as he pushes me onto my back. The wind is knocked out of me and he swallows my gasps as his tongue slides wetly across my lower lip only to slip eagerly into my parted mouth.

My hands abandon the sheets and come to rest onto his waist, my nails digging into his pale skin as he ravages my mouth with a brutality that I have never before associated with him. His force startles me and his lust clouds my mind for a moment. I don't even know how to react to such passion. I am numb until he breaks the kiss to nip and lick at my jaw line.

"Barnabas."

"Sweetheart." He breathes with his eyes closed. When he opens them they are fogged with desire and I am breathless at his reaction to me.

I blink, but then his eyes come to rest on my light hair, right upon the locks that he has wrapped around his fingers and I freeze. Suddenly, I realize that all this is not for me. It's for an alive ghost; a ghost that looks like me a little.

I tense up and my hands leave his waist to trail up his chest. His mouth breaks into a smile and he starts breathing heavier as my fingers brush over his taut stomach. His mouth falls open and he is ready to kiss me again when I grab at his shoulders and still him.

"It is a lie. Can't you see?" I cup his face and he blinks, his cheeks still flushed and his breathing still labored, "Come back to me." I whisper and he blinks again until his cheeks are flushed with guilt instead of embarrassment.

"Elita…" he breathes my name out in astonishment, but I shake my head. I lean up to press a kiss to his jaw and then I roll out from under him.

I turn to my side and I listen to his rapid breathing as he collapses next to me. Excruciating silence stretches between us until I slide towards him and press my back to his chest.

His sharp intake of breath is his only proof of shock-or relief- before he curls an arm around my side and pulls me closer.

I close my eyes and pretend to go to sleep, but I am well aware that neither of us can successfully reach that small slice of heaven that is called blissful oblivion; not tonight.

**End of chapter 10**

**Author's note: Still here? Great! Thank you so much for reading! Please review? Thoughts are always welcome! **

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina ;o)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Welcome, welcome. I hope you are well.**

**My love to: skycord1990, XantheXV, guest, ForeverACharmedOne, dionne dance, lottielovebuzz, whatcatydidnext, LabyFan23, TinkerbellxO, Makrciana and runs with myths. Thank you for your support. **

**Oh, and the back and forth bits are over for now…They served their purpose of providing intrigue, but for the moment I will stick to the present…Just because a reviewer commented on it.**

**This story is now _rated M_ by the way.**

***Also, Happy 50****th**** Birthday to Mr. Depp! Thank you for creating so inspiring characters! ;o)***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

_**One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul.**_

_**~Honore de Balzac **_

The corridor is barely illuminated as I make my way towards my husband's study. My boots are thudding rhythmically on the carpeted floor as I walk and I fiddle with my gloves as my feet lead me swiftly towards the closed door.

I look at the clock and I see that we have just a couple of hours till dinner. I quicken my pace, but I come to an abrupt stop when the study door opens and a dark looking maid comes out of it. I almost stumble in my haste to stop my feet from moving and I nearly gasp when Angelique looks up at me. Our gazes clash and for a moment she looks at as if she cannot fathom _what_ I am. Her eyes roam my form with extreme scrutiny and her lip is curled in what I can call incredulity and displeasure.

I blink, snapping out of my frozen state and realize that I have been cowering a little. It was unconsciously done, but the woman's gaze is deep, penetrating and as I take a few steps closer I realize that her cheeks are flushed and her hair disheveled. I stop my wandering thoughts because they take me way too far and I force myself to remember that I trust my husband not to humiliate me in our own house. I won't accept it.

"Is there anything the matter?" I ask loudly and clearly, and for a moment she looks lost. Her eyes get glassy and I inhale sharply when I realize that behind the fury there's hurt.

She bows quickly and her lips curl into a mocking smirk, "Master has been…asking for you, ma'am. Your services are probably needed. Excuse me."

She brushes past me swiftly and I am left gaping after her.

"What on earth?" I mutter with a deep frown before I make my way into the study.

I spot Barnabas by the window. He is running a hand through his short dark hair and I can hear him cursing quietly.

I knock on the door out of propriety and his eyes meet mine through the window pane. He stills for a moment and his eyes widen.

"Elita." He breathes and I incline my head in reply. His hand is quick to smooth down his clothing. I see his hand reaching for the waistband of his breeches, fixing them up his waist with a frantic tug.

I stare at him, without speaking and I can see that his eyes are never straying from mine through the glass. I fold my hands in front of my lower belly and wait for him to speak because I am momentarily confused as to what has just happened.

He whirls around to face me and he swallows before he offers a wavering smile.

"Welcome. I…" he falters and covers his face with his hands before he runs his fingers through the roots of his hair, "Elita, say something." He mutters and I blink before I take a step closer.

"The maid said that my services are needed?" I say with a cocked eyebrow and his eyes snap to mine with speed. His throat bobs and his eyes move over me for a moment before he walks towards me, his hand outstretched.

"Nothing happened." He murmurs eagerly and my eyes suddenly zero on his left cheek. It's red, unlike his pale right one.

"Oh my." I gasp and my palm is cradling his cheek before I can stop myself. His eyes close momentarily and he leans into my touch for a moment before he opens them again.

"It was not undeserved. I accidentally pushed her…She…Can we forget about it?" he mutters as he takes my hand in his and holds it close to his chest.

I blink, "So she slapped you?" I deadpan and he actually seems embarrassed.

"Well, it sounds so ludicrous when it comes out of your mouth…" he shakes his head, "But I won't lower myself to her level." Suddenly a smile breaks the frown on his face and I am surprised at the sight of it. He looked so upset a minute ago.

"I am glad you came." He steps closer and takes both of my hands in his. He brings them to his lips and kisses each one before he tilts his head to the side, "I've missed you." He breathes softly and I fight hard against my desire to think too much of his words. I also have to stifle the urge to flush, but I think that I am not that successful in that field.

"Likewise." I murmur instead and he smiles at me, his eyes taking in my attire.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asks as he releases my hands and moves around me in a circle, studying me.

I stop him from circling me like a predator by a hand on his stomach. He looks up from my booted feet and smirks as I press my fingers against his firm belly.

"I was actually coming to ask if you were free for a ride." I say and his eyes narrow in playfulness at my words.

"Ride, you say? What kind?" he asks and when I sputter he throws his head back and laughs. I push at him in the same playful manner and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling my back to his chest as he squeezes me. I laugh when he lifts me up from the ground and his chuckle is warm and breathy against my cheek.

"Then my services are really needed…Your mind is far too dirty, my lord." I say and he takes a deep breath before he puts me back down.

"I beg you not to pay any mind to her comments. They are untrue and only mean to wound. Please." He comes around to face me and for a moment I am alarmed by his troubled expression.

"I don't. She's trying too much to prove something…Never mind her." I notice a tiny speck of blood on the corner of his mouth and I am certain that it's a scratch from her smack. Shaking my head, I reach up and wipe it with my thumb. His eyes widen at my gesture and I smile.

"So, do you have time for a ride?" I ask again, wanting to take his mind off the troublesome maid and previous lover.

_Are you sure about the latter?_ My mind is quick to disprove my opinion and I ignore it because I need to believe in him; in his honesty. Otherwise my life will be unbearable.

"Of course. I just need to put away some papers. Do you mind waiting for a few moments?" His response is lighter and soft and I incline my head before I take a seat in the armchair by the large window.

He returns to his desk and swiftly puts away his work while I gaze out of the wide glass.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So, I fell right back into the sea twice. The poor fisherman tried to steady me, but I was swaying so badly upon the tiny boat that I couldn't control my limbs." Barnabas shakes his head in amusement and I laugh loudly at the image of a tiny Barnabas trying to keep his balance upon a moving boat.

"I knew then that the sea will play a big role in my life." He looks at me with amusement as I continue to chuckle and he snorts with embarrassment.

"Where are you two going?" Lady Collins' voice is enough to ruin our amusement and I freeze in my footsteps.

But Barnabas doesn't. He just continues walking as he replies.

"We're getting the horses out for a ride." Once he notices that I am not following, he stops and beckons me closer, "Elita, come."

I hesitate, but when I see his confident expression I obey and make my way over to him.

"It's almost dinner time." Naomi speaks up again and I know that she doesn't like it when women go horseback riding. She herself avoids it like the plague. She says it is unladylike.

"We'll be back and if we're not, go ahead and eat." He replies as he nods his head and takes my hand, pulling me towards the door.

"You do know that horseback riding won't help you get with child, don't you? All that moving and jolting cannot possibly be good."

I still again with my eyes wide at what my mother-in-law just said to me.

Barnabas turns slowly around and gazes at his mother with such an expression that I am on the verge of laughter again.

"Mother," He chuckles heartily, "Thank you for your ever excellent knowledge of the female body. I shall make sure to take your words into consideration. Good evening." He pulls me after him quickly and his mother is left on her own. As we walk away, I can still feel her disapproving glare on the back of my head.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"We must think over her words though." I say loudly and Barnabas turns to look at me sharply, his eyes wide and his mouth parted.

"I beg your pardon?" he whispers and I swallow hard.

"I do realize that when she, I mean when your parents, agreed to your decision to marry me…they had different expectations." I murmur as I look at my horse's black mane.

"Elita, my parents have no say in what we must do and what we must not." His voice is gentle and I am startled when I feel his hand on my thigh.

I turn to look at him and I am for a moment shocked at the kind look in his eyes.

"But they will make our life a living hell!" I exclaim and then quickly shut my mouth, a look of horror on my face when I realize what I have just blurted out.

"I am so sorry. I meant no offence." I whisper, but he's shaking his head in amusement.

"Do not ask for forgiveness. You are right. But I won't force you to bear me a child when it is obvious that you do not trust me enough." His eyes are avoiding mine, looking everywhere but me, and I bring the horse to a stop behind some large trees.

"I do trust you. But it's too soon for me to believe that after everything you can so quickly want someone else."

"Why?" His question is sharp and deeply incredulous in its tone.

"Why?"

"Why is it hard for you to believe that I cannot separate my feelings enough to feel something other than fondness for you?" His eyes are wide and bottomless as he locks them with mine and I am momentarily speechless.

"I…Most women would feel that way. I can see how you stare at me sometimes. It's like you want me to transform into someone else. I have caught you looking at my hair and you'll get that wonderful, beautiful expression upon your face and then…then it is gone. It's gone as soon as you look at my face." I sigh when he looks at me hard, "You might not realize that you're doing it-…"

"Is it not possible for me to look at you like that because I feel guilty?" he cuts me off sharply and I look at him imploringly.

"Barnabas, please do not be mad. I know you feel guilty and I know that's the reason behind your affection towards me." I murmur and he scoffs.

"Guilt? You think the only reason I want to be with you is because of guilt? Is it not even remotely believable to you that I might want to be able to find solace, warmth and affection in your arms?"

His eyes are bare when he locks them with mine again and I don't know what to say.

"You've told me that I am the only one you have now. That only I can understand you." His voice is low, "Is it not possible that I might feel the same? For God's sake! You are _wonderful_. No other woman, _no_ wife that respects herself would stand guard for any intruders while her husband is talking and embracing another woman behind the town's church!" He gives a sharp tug on the reins and the horse neighs in annoyance at the sudden move.

I take a sharp breath, "I only wanted to help." I defend myself even if I know that he did not mean it as an insult.

"Exactly!" he hisses with exasperation, "I know that! And I feel awful. I feel worthless because I allowed it." He jumps off the horse and I do the same, following him as he stops in front of a tree trunk and leans a hand against it.

"You mustn't feel that way." I murmur, "It was nothing. It is nothing."

He turns to look at me from over his shoulder, _"Is?"_

I flush, "I have done it again…I know that you meet with her every Sunday…behind the church. I sometimes have to stop people from wandering around…"

At his wide eyes and shocked expression I quickly change the subject because I am a coward. "Anyway, you mustn't feel-…"

"Elita." He cuts me off, "I…I don't know what to say." His eyes are so dark when I look into them and I clear my throat.

"You'd do the same." I shrug it off and start backing away, but I am startled when he catches my hand in his. His fingers are smooth, but his hold so rough as he stops me from leaving.

"No, I wouldn't." He shakes his head, "If Mr. Black was alive, I wouldn't let him near you. Not even for a moment. Not even for a small conversation. No." His voice is hoarse and I blink.

"I don't believe you. Even if you knew that I wanted to see him?"

He nods, "Even if I knew that you were hurting because of it." He murmurs and I laugh nervously.

"You're lying."

"No, I am not. I am too selfish when it comes to my life and to…what is mine."

"Barnabas!"

"I know." He closes his eyes in resignation.

"I am not an object-…"

"I _know_."

"Then what are these things you're saying? Must I react in the same way you would then? Shall I prevent you from seeing the woman you love?" I try to tug my hand free, but he isn't letting me.

"Sometimes I wish you would." He opens his eyes and stares at me, clouds in his gaze and an almost snarl on his lips, "I wish you were ready to put a claim on me so that I can stop hurting myself; hurting you…Us."

I lower my eyes and turn my hand, my fingers twisting around his. "But you don't like me."

"I more than like you." he mutters, "Isn't it obvious? Wasn't it obvious that night? The one when you pushed me away. It was for you. Everything was for you. I am not living in some kind of dream, Elita. I don't pray to fall asleep next to you and then wake up next to Josette. I've told you. I wouldn't be good for her. She has touched…She touched my self esteem. She was so young and naïve and it gave me large dozes of arrogance to have such a woman interested in me. She gave me confidence pride; pride I did not need. You are the complete antithesis. You interest me because you have _lived_. You have experienced something that would bring any other woman to her knees."

I try to object, but he hushes me quickly. "Josette is ruined. For any man…She cannot forget. She clings to the past, to me, because she doesn't know anything else…And maybe I do feel guilty. But not only for you. I feel guilty because of her. Because when I look at you I come to the horrible realization that I might forget her, that I _can_ forget her with you. And it's awful. Awful because I deserve neither of you." He releases my hand and leans heavily against the tree, his hands on his face as he slides down to the ground.

I am momentarily too surprised to speak. I don't know if I can bear all this honesty. It's too much.

"Are you this honest with her?" I ask quietly and he hesitates because he slowly shakes his head in the negative.

"I see…Have you promised her that you will get free of our marriage and you'll get back to her-…"

"No!" His voice is too loud and his eyes wide, "Of course not!"

"Do you think that she won't bear the fact that you might live without her?" I wring my hands nervously, wanting to touch him and comfort him, but also feeling rather ruffled by his confession.

"Maybe…Yes, I do not know." He admits with a frown and I swallow.

"I must confess that I am rather…"

_Flattered by your possessiveness_. My inner voice almost purrs, but I shut her out.

"Surprised by your words."

He looks up at me, lowering his hands from his face completely.

"But?" he urges me on and I bite my lip, "Elita, speak your mind. God knows that I have just done so." He waves his hand and I avert my eyes for a moment.

"But I myself can say with confidence that…I never loved James. If I had loved him I would have managed to keep him. I would have managed to keep his love and interest. Maybe I am not expressing myself right to the people I love and care about. Maybe they think that I am too cold or distant." When I chance a look at him I find him listening to me intently and I get more uncomfortable by his undivided attention.

"But I _do_ feel and I _do_ care what others think of me. So believe me when I say that I am shocked by your words. I foolishly think that everyone is like James."

"How was Mr. Black?" His voice is soft and I heave a sigh.

"James…James always got what he wanted because he wasn't afraid to pounce. James…James never accepted the word _no_. He did not accept rejection and he always acquired what he wanted by any means possible. His main tool was seduction. So, I am not in a place where I can judge the other women who fell for his tricks." I look beyond the trees ahead, my eyes narrowed.

"But am I not like that too?" Barnabas whispers, "I always get what I want. The only thing I was denied was Josette."

"Yes, but he wouldn't have stopped like you did that night. He wouldn't. At least he didn't stop with me."

He blinks several times and then he shakes his head.

"Pardon?" His voice is low, his throat vibrating with a dark rumble. He rarely reminds me of an animal, but right now that's exactly how he looks like. I shift with unease.

"I…I think you know what I mean…" I take a step back, but his hands shot out and grasp my heavy skirt.

"No, I don't…You…you're not…" His eyes trail over me with ferocity, "You're not a…"

"A maid?" I finish for him and then smile a little, "Would you banish me from your house if I were not?" I ask instead and he blinks.

"No…No, that's not what I meant. That'd be hypocritical. I…You're not?" he is sputtering with shock and I place my hand on his fingers on my skirts.

"Not in every sense of the word." I whisper with a fierce flush before I take a step back.

His hold tightens though and with a tug I find myself on his lap.

"Ow! Ow!" I gasp as my ankle gets twisted on my way down.

He doesn't notice though and his hands are on my face, "What does that mean? I want to know." He hisses and I stiffen.

"Barnabas-…" I gasp when his forehead clashes with mine, "What are you doing?" I reach up and take hold of his hands. He lets me and I press them to my chest in an effort to calm him down. Damnation, _I_ need to calm down because my ankle hurts like hell.

"I want to _know_. Have you slept with him?" His fingers hook on the neckline of my dress as I keep our hands against my breasts and they almost claw through the fabric, his nails piercing my skin in the process. I am opening and closing my mouth like a fool until his question becomes more direct and blunt.

"Are you not a virgin-…"

"Of course I am!" I push his wandering hands away and for a moment he looks wounded, but then his eyes fall on my flushed chest and upon the marks and an expression of remorse slackens his face.

"Sweetheart…I…I am so sorry." He breathes as he pulls his hands away from my sides like they are contaminated, "I…I don't know what got into me." His eyes are wide, like liquid pools of dark honey and I shake my head.

"It's fine." I scramble to get up and he allows it, looking as helpless as I feel about the sudden change in his behavior.

_What on earth happened?_

"I guess now I understand your earlier words. Possessiveness doesn't suit you, Barnabas. It's rather hypocritical. Especially when it comes from you." I stumble backwards, but then I am harshly reminded of my twisted ankle.

"Damn it!" I hiss as the sudden pain causes me to land hard on my back.

Hands on my arms help me up and I wince as I step on my foot.

"I am so sorry. Elita." He pulls me close so that I can lean against him. His hand curls around my shoulders and he presses me tightly to his chest.

"I…have no excuses." His fingertips find the tops of my breasts and he strokes over the skin. I shiver despite my will and as I look up at him I am alarmed that I cannot find it in me to stay cross with him. It's probably an enormous mistake after what he just said, but in a way I understand him. Possessiveness is an emotion that I am rather familiar with the last few weeks…No…the last few months of my life. I know the feeling ever since his meetings with Josette.

Clearing my throat, I nod. "It's alright. I…My foot hurts though." I admit quietly and his face darkens with guilt.

"Forgive me. I didn't realize…" He trails off before he picks me up and heads for his horse. Without another word, he sets me on the saddle and then mounts the stallion himself. Grabbing my horse's reins as well he leads us back to Collinwood.

I am glad that I can lean my head against his shoulder without having to speak more. My head is already scrambled as it is. The worst of it all is that his show of dark anger towards my past instead of ruining any affectionate inclination towards him has had the opposite effect. I am most certainly doomed.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Leave it and go." My husband's voice is distant and cool as he speaks to the maid and I look at him. He has his eyes on my ankle, a bandage in his hand.

Angelique bows her head and her gaze lingers as she puts the tray on the bed side table and then takes her leave.

I watch her go with an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, but then Helen approaches me with a brush and I smile at her.

I lean forward as she settles next to me and reaches for my hair.

"Leave it, Helen. Why don't you call the physician instead? Hmm?" Barnabas looks up as he situates my foot upon his lap and the maid looks at me.

I frown at his peculiar order, but nod at her nonetheless. She abandons the brush and leaves my hair loose before she stands up.

"There is no need for a doctor. It's just a bruise." I say and Helen looks torn, but I quickly smile at her.

"Helen, call the physician-…"

"I am certain that this will become a lesson for you, daughter." Lady Collins waltzes into the chamber, looking severe and confident.

Barnabas falters and nods his head at Helen and she quickly leaves without a word.

"What do you mean, mother?" he asks as he shrugs out of his intricate vest and places it on the settee by the foot of the bed.

"I told you horseback riding is dangerous. Thank God it's only your foot you compromised." She comes to stand next to her son and I keep my mouth firmly shut, fumbling with my nightgown instead.

"I hope it doesn't hurt that much…We women must have a high tolerance towards pain. Everything is a pain for us after all. From marriage to childbirth, and the road to death is most often laced with torture. Men are excused from a lot of pain, don't you think?"

I almost groan. There she is. Commenting on _everything_.

"Mother, you're being morbid. Please excuse yourself from our chamber." He looks up at her as his fingers start massaging my foot, "You're spreading your melancholy and that won't do." He shoots her a quick, fake smile and then looks at me.

"Does it hurt?" he murmurs and I nod, "It'll pass." His face is clouded with guilt and I want to sigh. He won't forget it any time soon and…I won't either. I suppose it is a good thing that I get to know my husband, but familiarity is dangerous…It can cause false hopes and dreams.

"I have an ointment in my bedroom. I shall bring it to ease the swelling." Naomi speaks up in a softer tone, but her son shakes his head.

"I have it as well. You should go and rest. We're fine."

"You didn't eat-…"

"We're not hungry."

His mother gazes at us for a long moment and with a curt nod she is gone.

Barnabas sighs when the door clicks shut and grabs the bandage.

"I am sorry…It seems that I must apologize all the time today." He mutters as he wraps the cloth around my ankle with gentle, but firm movements.

"Your mother's words are not your fault." I say curtly.

He looks up as if he has heard the tone in my voice. "You're angry with me." He whispers as he bites his bottom lip.

"No, I am not." I look at my lap and my eyes catch sight of the red crescents on my chest.

"Yes, you are. You just don't want to show it…Like everything else." He releases my foot, placing it gently on top of the covers before he stands. He pauses for a moment, watching me with contemplation before he leans down to remove his boots. He kicks them aside and then loosens his shirt from his breeches. I watch as he places one knee on the bed and then the other. He starts crawling towards me and I tense up, but then his hands are on my waist, trailing up my sides and I release a deep breath.

He lowers his face towards me until his nose is brushing mine. His hands rub my arms and his eyes roam my face. Moistening his lips with his tongue, he leans down, abruptly, and latches onto the skin of my neck with his mouth. My body is jolted off the mattress at the sensation, but he places a hand on my stomach, immobilizing me and keeping me pressed against the bed. My muscles contract against his fingers and palm and he smiles against my skin.

"Ticklish?" he murmurs without parting from my skin and my face turns pink.

"What are you trying to prove?" I mutter instead.

"That you're angry."

I blink, but I suddenly find it hard to breathe, "I am not."

"Yes, you are. _You are_." His lips slide down my neck to my shoulder, "You're mad because I am not what you thought I was. I am weak, selfish and possessive. And you're angry, so angry." His hand brushes over my heaving chest, fingertips stroking over my collarbones, "So angry that I hurt you. Aren't you?" His teeth sink sharply onto my shoulder and I gasp at the pain.

"No, but I will be if you leave a mark." I writhe under him, pressing my back deeply into the mattress as his fingers stroke the top of my breast.

He smirks against my shoulder and bites down again, hard and quick and I groan.

My eyes squeeze shut as his teeth leave me, but when he starts suckling on the offended skin I let out a soft moan.

"There…" he murmurs breathlessly as he pauses for a moment, "See how easily we can both forget?"

My eyes snap open at that and my hand flies, ready to connect with his cheek, but I freeze when I realize that he's expecting it. I falter and ball my hand into a fist as our eyes lock. I fight hard not to drown in his gaze and then I do the unexpected; I kiss him.

My hands thread into his hair and my lips close over his, drowning his moan and swallowing it as he sags against me, mindful of my bruised ankle. My mouth is eager and I try not to think how easily he parts his mouth to receive my tongue. I try to ignore how easy it is for him to pull me closer and reciprocate with equal fervor. For a moment I ignore everything that has transpired between us and I let myself go. My body relaxes in his arms and my muscles seem to melt onto the mattress as he helps me deepen the kiss by tilting his head, allowing us to breathe a little through our noses. My fingers curl tightly around his hair and he groans, his thigh between my parted legs and his pelvis grinding against my hip in circular movements.

The feeling of him rubbing against me startles me and I break the kiss, pushing myself away from him.

"You're tying to seduce me." I am breathless when I speak and he has the audacity to smirk. With his dark, molten eyes and devious grin I can hardly recognize him as my husband.

I am shocked into silence and submission as he curls an arm around my waist and turns me over; rolling me onto my stomach so he can press me back against his chest.

"I am trying to make you feel good. Because you deserve it…" he breathes into my ear, "Because I am jealous that someone else was here before me…Even if I don't have the right to feel so…" His hand comes to rub my stomach and I fight for breath.

"You can't…"

"I _can_. I have every…" He trails his hand down my side until he reaches my thigh. He bunches up the material of my gown and my breath quivers when he hooks his fingers under my knee.

"Right." He finishes as he hitches my leg over his thigh, pulling me closer and spreading me open in the process. Fingertips rub circles on my inner thigh and I almost choke on my own saliva when his lips close around my earlobe. His hot hand slides further up and when he encounters the edge of my undergarments he pauses and takes a deep breath. He presses closer to my back and when his fingers slip underneath the garment separating him from his goal, he releases my earlobe to moan softly. His chest is heaving behind my back and at the first touch of his fingers against me I gasp and arch my back. His free hand curls underneath me, wrapping around my stomach, pulling me even closer if possible and my heart feels ready to explode inside my chest.

The fingers pause for a moment and then they start to move, exploring and teasing until I am too delirious by the unexpected pleasure to speak, let alone object.

"My God…" His groan is hot and breathy in my ear and I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood when he finds me ready, moist and warm, "Yes…" he murmurs in my ear, answering my inner conflict and I open my eyes to see him leaning over me with his body pressed tightly against mine, his hips against my lower back and his leg keeping me open and willing under his touch.

"Elita, yes." He moans as his fingers grow bolder and then his lips are on mine, covering my gasps, groans and inhibitions.

I find myself asleep in his arms that night, craving and hoping that some day I'll be bold enough to reach around and return the gentle touch that had me gasping and writhing in the circle of his arms.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It's Sunday the next morning and when I stir awake I don't open my eyes immediately. I try to hear for any sounds and when I do, I realize that he's not next to me. My nightgown is still bunched up around my thighs and if I don't move much I can still feel the hot tingling his fingers have left between my legs. I flush bright red and turn onto my side, burying my face in my pillow as I listen to his footsteps. He is getting dressed if I judge from the creaking of the wardrobe.

I swallow hard and bite the inside of my cheek in determination.

_Don't be a coward._

I open my eyes and I find him standing in front of the full body mirror, buttoning up his crisp white shirt.

His eyes are quick to catch mine through the glass and a smile lights up his face.

"Good morning." He murmurs and then looks down at his shirt, "I was told you ironed my clothes."

I flush even deeper at that and I sit up, ignorant of my messy hair.

"Um…I had nothing better to do. It was nothing." My voice is high pitched and when he chuckles I think that it's the cause of his amusement, but his eyes are on my hair.

He turns around to face me as he picks up his dark green vest, "You look wild." He informs me and I quickly try to smooth down my hair, but he catches my hand.

"You're lovely." His lips touch my forehead in a sizzling kiss and I blink rapidly.

"You're too…" I close my eyes in defeat, "I mean…green suits you."

He chuckles and pulls back, "How is your foot?"

"It hurts…" I look up at him as he lets go of my hand, "I…won't be able to come with you to church."

"It's late to go there. Besides, my parents are already gone. You overslept." He slips his arms through the sleeveless garment and I blink up at him.

"You won't…go?" I murmur and he stares at me as he buttons up his vest.

"No."

"But…what about…" I trail off and he reaches for his cravat almost blindingly.

"I said I won't go…Don't you want to spend the day with me? You can finally tutor me how to play the piano." There is a frown marring his features and I know that it's taking all his willpower not to go and meet with her.

Swallowing back my instinct to convince him otherwise, I smile.

"Of course…Whatever you want." I say instead and the smile he sends me is enough to warm me. I only hope that I am making the right decision…I only hope I won't regret it later.

**End of chapter 11**

**Author's note: So…liked it? Hated it? Let me know, pretty please! Thank you for reading!**

**Until next time,**

**Xxx Lina :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello, darlings! How are you? How is summer going for you all?**

**I want to thank: livilottie, XantheXV, LabyFan23, Rachael, MissMisc3, PGAEmma, TinkerbellxO, AgnesBriot1969, Makrciana, dionne dance, Angelique, runs with myths and lottielovebuzz. Thank you all!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

_**In time we hate that which we often fear.**_

_**~W. Shakespeare **_

"He is a relative from the north." My mother-in-law whispers as we make our way towards the dining room, "He has married recently and he wants to promote his relatively small trading business by working with my husband. No one really likes him because he has a temper. Be careful of your tongue in front of him." She stops to look at me austerely, her eyes roaming my form and possibly my attire before she sighs, "And stay close to my son. He needs a proper wife in front of others." She starts walking again and I am left staring and burning holes on her back.

When I stay behind, she stops by the threshold and turns to look at me from over her shoulder.

"Well come along then."

I grit my teeth and start walking, careful of my hurt ankle and she clicks her tongue in irritation.

"When are you going to lose the limp? It's so unladylike." She mutters and then she disappears into the large room.

I set my jaw and simply walk into the room, trying to keep my limp unseen, but the moment I am in I am greeted by four pairs of eyes.

I smile, "Good evening."

Barnabas grins when he sees me, his eyes twinkling as he stands from his chair and comes towards me, hand outstretched. As he approaches, I see a woman and a man behind him. The man is around Barnabas' age. The woman seems…slightly older if not much older and she is sitting with a hand cradling her swollen stomach. She's with child and I smile.

"Cousin, may I introduce my wife, Elita. Elita, my cousin, Philip Norris." Barnabas' hand is warm around my own and his palm gentle as he helps me towards his cousin.

As soon as I am close, I reach out my hand for a shake. Philip eyes it and then takes it with a tiny smile. He shakes it gently once and then releases it to grin widely at Barnabas.

"I am blinded. What a lovely creature. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, madam." He bows and I incline my head, aware of the fact that my husband hasn't released me just yet. Odd.

"Likewise, sir." I reply and he grins before he steps aside.

"My wife, Henrietta." He motions towards the woman on the seat by the fireplace and I walk towards her, finally breaking free of Barnabas' hold on me.

"Good evening. Welcome to Collinwood." I smile as I take her hand which is surprisingly smooth and warm. Her features are flawless despite her obviously older age and her fiery red hair is pulled back in an intricate braid that makes me slightly envious. She is beautiful.

"Good evening, Mrs. Collins. I do apologize for not standing up, but…" She trails off and I look at her stomach with a smile.

"Think nothing of it." I let go of her perfectly manicured hand and step back.

"Let's all be seated. Angelique, drinks and two teas for the ladies. I'll have a chamomile for my stomach before dinner." Naomi takes a seat by her husband and Barnabas looks at me invitingly as the maid leaves to do his mother's biding, but before I can go sit with him, Henrietta's hand is on my wrist.

"Sit by me?" she asks and I look at my husband who looks away in silent permission.

"Certainly."  
"Thank God." She leans close to whisper, "I am bored by constant business conversations. They tire me. What about you?"

I lean back slightly, "I was raised in a merchant's family. So, I am familiar with such talks, but they can be tiresome. Especially for a woman with child. How much along are you?" I ask and she eyes her stomach with mild irritation.

"Nearly seven months…I am getting heavier and I get tired more easily." She replies as she looks up at me.

"I wish you the best of deliveries." I look at her husband who is talking with Barnabas, a smirk on his face. My husband is gazing at his glass of whiskey, his lips pressed into a thin line. He looks angry and I want to go to him, but I can't.

"Thank you. It had to happen after three years of relationship." She chuckles and I look at her.

"Three years?"

"Yes, we've been married for nearly six months now…"  
"Oh…"

"You?" Her question makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if I am sure that I want to discuss my marriage with Barnabas just yet…Especially with a stranger.

I decide to be polite though. "Almost three months….No. Four months-…"

"Four months and a half. Eighteen weeks." Barnabas speaks up as he passes by us to refill his glass and I flush when Henrietta looks at me in shock.

Barnabas sends us both a smile and he quickly returns to his seat, resuming his conversation with a slightly lighter expression on his face.

"I think you very lucky. I doubt Philip can recall such things…He only recalls other matters." She smiles a little tightly and I give a tiny shrug.

"I am lucky. Barnabas is most kind-…"

"And handsome and rich." She adds and I look at Helen as she brings us the tea with a smile.

"Sugar?" I ask as the maid places the tray on the table in front of us. I dismiss her with a pat on her hand and she bows her head before she leaves.

"Two and a touch of milk." Henrietta replies and I can see as I prepare her tea that she has her eyes on my husband.

"How long have you known each other?" she asks as I hand her the cup.

"A while." I look at her and busy myself with my own tea in an effort to avoid further discussion on the matter, "How long are you going to stay in Collinsport?" I ask her and she sighs.

"We're leaving tomorrow…But we have bought an estate near Portland so we aren't leaving Maine any time soon. I'll be very glad to know that I have some company somewhere near me." She pats my arm and I smile.

"So, since we are in the subject of husbands…" She leans closer with a sly glimmer in her eye and I smile.

"Actually we passed that one." I try to be playful, but she narrows her eyes.

"Is it a sore subject?" She cups a hand over her mouth and leans to whisper in my ear, "Don't you love him? It wasn't an arranged match, was it? That'd be dreadful, but very successful. You suit each other perfectly. I cannot imagine a better couple."

I try not to show my displeasure by looking at Barnabas who is brushing his fingers across his lips, his eyes dancing between his father and his cousin as they talk.

"That's just nonsense, Mrs. Norris. I never said that. Biscuit?" I offer and she shuts her mouth sharply, slowly declining and I relish in my success. She focuses on her tea after that and I have to wonder if my tone was too sharp for her tastes. I come to the conclusion that I don't really care.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I have drunk too much wine and I have eaten too little. I realize that as I make my way towards the bedroom with Barnabas. He is quiet next to me, his eyes distant and I turn to look at him. The movement makes me dizzy, but I ignore it and touch his hand.

"Is everything alright?" I ask and he nods.

"Of course." He rubs his eyes and shakes his head, "Actually, it's not alright. May I confess something?" he murmurs as we walk down the hall.

"Of course." I nod.

He sighs, "I don't agree with my father's decision to help Norris." He says slowly and I pause.

"Oh…Why is that?" I blink in order to clear my vision, but it doesn't really work.

"I don't trust him…I don't trust him on anything. He talks a lot, he blurts words and sentences that he shouldn't…" he pauses to look at me, "he stares a lot at my wife." He purses his lips in displeasure, "He even mentioned Josette at the dinner table. The fiend. As if marrying a woman almost twice his age is proper." He stops short and swallows hard.

"Forgive me. I am being unpleasant…Elita?"

I blink because the only thing I heard was the part about me…He is not…jealous, is he? That'd be absurd.

"I'd never look at your cousin. He's too reckless for me. Personally, I don't like him or his wife." The wine must have loosened my tongue because I'd never dare say such thing while sober.

I close my mouth as Barnabas stops and turns to look at me.

"I…" I trail off, "I am sorry."

Apparently I am amusing because he starts to laugh. He runs a hand through his dark hair and steps closer to me. His musky scent is more prominent when he's so close and a blush blossoms on my cheeks when I recall how much closer he can be…How much closer he _has_ been. And when his hand reaches up to cup my cheek I shiver as those fingertips dance up and down my cheek.

"What would I do without you? Hmm?" He murmurs with a smile and I take a deep breath.

"What would I do without you? Apparently you're a catch." I smile and he chuckles, but I quickly clutch my head as the sound causes me to get even dizzier.

His hand shots out to steady me and I laugh nervously.

"Elita?"

"Just dizzy from the wine." I shake my head, "It's nothing."

He frowns and curls an arm around my back, pulling me to his chest before he half carries me towards our chamber.

"Let's get you out of these clothes." He murmurs and Helen is already waiting by the door to help me, but Barnabas smiles and dismisses her.

"Go and rest, Helen. Thank you." He pats her arm and she flushes before she inclines her head and leaves.

I am placed upon the settee by the foot of the bed and I can only watch as he closes the door and shrugs out of his coat and vest.

"You didn't eat. I take it that she upset you by her incessant questions." He murmurs as he places his clothes on the hanger and then undoes the cuffs of his shirt.

"I was not upset…I just don't like nosy people. They are unpleasant and rude." I kick off my shoes as he approaches me. He leans down and takes hold of my foot.

"What can I do to make you feel better?" He asks quietly and I blink, trying to fight off the red color that is threatening to turn darker on my face.

"You didn't scold me for insulting your cousin. It's more than enough, husband." I smile and he looks up at me as he removes my stocking.

"It's not…I'm the reason you're in this position…I apologize."

I reach out and stop his hands by grasping them in my own, "I am glad I am here. It was my decision, remember?"

His eyes are very deep when he speaks next, "I've seen her again." The words are out of his mouth in a rush and I slowly release his hands, my heart thudding in my ribcage.

I swallow thickly and lick my suddenly dry lips, "Oh."

His fingers curl around mine and he tries to catch my eyes, "Not on purpose. I had some business near her house and she happened to…I am sorry." He shakes his head, "You don't need to hear this."

"No, I don't." My voice must be sharp because he winces.

"Elita…"

"Your mother seems to agree with the idea of helping your cousin." I change the subject and he frowns, "Although she admitted that his temper is not the most reliable one."

His hands release mine and he places his palms on my knees instead.

"His temper is not his only liability, my love." He mutters and now it is my time to wince.

"Don't call me that." I whisper and he blinks, his expression wounded.

"Why?"

"Because you don't mean it, Barnabas. You cannot just say things like this to me. Do you understand?" I snap and he is suddenly on his feet.

"How do you know I don't mean it?" His tone is equally sharp and I snort rudely.

"I just do."

"You are my wife and I'll call you whatever I please." He informs me quietly, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing is the matter." I mutter and he huffs.

"_Everything_ is the matter, Elita. Why don't you just admit that everything I do hurts you? That way I'd know what the hell I did wrong this time!"

"You did nothing wrong!" I cry and his eyes are wide, "You're just being honest! Terribly so. And I hate it. I hate it because you can while I can't!" I stand up and our eyes lock.

His expression softens, "Elita, you know you can. I just don't know what to say. I decide to be honest because I think I'll only make it worse if you hear it from someone else. I don't want to hurt you."

_But you do._

"You don't." I lie and he studies my face.

"You're a terrible liar." He steps a little closer and raises my chin with the tips of his fingers.

"Sometimes lies are better than the truth." I whisper and his nostrils flare as he leans down to my lips.

"I disagree. The truth always comes out in the end." He inhales deeply and then touches my mouth with his own. He lingers and then he presses closer, but I push at his chest. He holds me fast with his hands on my arms and my protest is cut off by his lips and tongue this time. He pulls me to him and my dizzy head allows the movement, until his arms close tightly around me. I gasp into the kiss and he groans, breaking the kiss to lean his forehead against mine.

I don't know why I feel upset with him all of a sudden. He said he didn't do it on purpose; that their meeting happened by accident…Then why do I feel like someone stomped on my pride? As I look at him, I know why. And I am not shy to say it.

"Are you this honest with her? You said you aren't…"

He tenses up against me and his eyes turn guarded, but I continue.

"Don't you think that she should know what you've been up to with your _wife_? Or are you just honest when it suits you, Barnabas?" I shrug out of his hold and make my escape into the washroom before he can reply. I slam the door behind me.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I can feel the sunlight on my face. Footsteps echo in the chamber, but I don't move. The bed beside me is empty as I surreptitiously touch it with my palm under the covers. My head is pounding from the wine I consumed last night and I feel groggy, but my mind is alert and aware of his movements in the room.

His breathing is inaudible, but it gets louder when he approaches the bed. I feel his presence looming over me and I try hard not to shift. I don't know why I snapped like that. I suppose it hurt me to know that he protected _her_ from the truth while he bares me to it at every chance he gets. It made me feel unimportant while he has come to mean so much to me. It isn't fair…At least it doesn't seem fair to me. But I know that I am blinded by the envy I have tried to hide. My judgment is partial anymore, biased and I am scared of that; really scared of that.

I feel the pillow by my head dipping and I hold my breath as I feel soft lips on my forehead. My anger dissipates and I am even more irritated by that. He shouldn't be able to do that with a single kiss.

"Forgive me." His whisper is soft and gentle like always and my mouth quivers when he presses his lips on my skin again and again, until he is close to my mouth, leaving a burning trail behind.

His lips find the corner of my mouth and while I remain unresponsive and seemingly asleep, he gets bolder. I jolt when I feel the wet velvet of his tongue brushing along my top lip and he inhales sharply at the realization that I am not really slumbering. The hand on the pillow moves and cups the top of my head, fingers threading through my hair as he covers my lips with his own in a deep kiss. His free hand travels down my side and clasps my hip, his fingers squeezing the tender flesh until I gasp. I am too numb to reciprocate, but I open my eyes a little when he pulls back to brush warm fingertips across my mouth. Our eyes lock and I can see his chest heaving with his breaths, and I feel my own rising and falling rapidly. His fingers pause on my lips and I blink drowsily as he mouths the apology again and again.

I swallow and press my lips against his fingertips in an almost kiss and a smile lightens up his face. Relief runs through his eyes and floods his gaze with warmth and I blink up at him.

"Sleep a little. I'll have Helen bring you breakfast in an hour. I'll be back later." His lips are back on my forehead and then on my mouth, and his hand briefly slides down to squeeze my thigh affectionately before he pulls away.

He pulls his fingers free of my strands and then he is gone, closing the door behind him gently.

Once he is gone, I reach up to finger my mouth and a tiny smile tugs on my lips. Relief floods me and I am glad that I don't have to face an uncomfortable morning with being mad at him. It's really trouble for me that he never really allows us to remain angry with each other. It makes it hard for me that he never really gives me much reason to complain. My life could be worse, much worse after all.

With this thought, I push the covers away, determined to take breakfast with his parents, but as I stand up I get dizzy and my stomach churns. Before I know it, I vomit on the floor next to the bed and at the sight of it I gasp. My eyes get blurry and the foul taste in my mouth is enough to make me dizzier. Before I know it I collapse onto the ground and everything goes black.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Are you sure about this? Shouldn't we wait until she's awake, aunt?" Henrietta's voice is the first thing I hear and I frown a little. I think I am back on my bed because I fee softness underneath me.

"No. The doctor is just waiting outside. I am sure it's nothing more than happy news though." My mother-in-law is speaking quietly and I want to object.

Happy news? What happy news? All I remember is how I emptied the contents of my stomach on the floor.

"Helen, are you done? The physician is waiting." Naomi calls and I hear Helen as she moves around next to me, breathless.

"Yes, ma'am. I am done."

"Good. Bring the man in then. And bring my daughter-in-law some tea at once."

I slowly open my eyes and Henrietta gasps.

"She's awake."

Barnabas' mother walks to me and smiles smugly, "Elita. How are you feeling?"

"I'm…groggy…and my stomach feels odd." I reply as I look at the two women, "What happened?"

"You fainted. Helen found you and she called me. The doctor is just outside. Ah, there he is."

The physician enters and smiles at me, his old face wrinkled, but kind.

"Good morning, Mrs. Collins. Let's see what the matter is, yes?" He sets his satchel on the bed and I sit up a little.

"I drank too much wine. Nothing is wrong. I could never handle liquor." I say in a rush because I can already tell what is going through Naomi's mind.

"Nevertheless, the doctor must see you. You might have something contagious and we don't want that." Naomi replies and Henrietta looks at me with a frown. I wonder if she can see my alarm.

"Um, should we wait outside?" she suggests, but the doctor holds a hand up as he leans to examine my throat and check my pulse.

I can feel my heart pounding and he looks at me with worry. I try to smile and he returns it, but I can see that he knows that something is not right with me.

He pats my stomach and checks my eyes before he smiles.

"I think it's just the wine, madam. Nothing to worry about. I suggest you eat something because you seem perfectly healthy to me." He says after a few moments and I am barely able to breathe with relief when my mother-in-law speaks again.

"Can't it be something else? My son has been recently married and maybe Mrs. Collins is expecting?" she hints and the doctor looks at her and then at me.

"I can make sure if it's the lady's wish to do so." He looks at me and I shake my head.

"I don't think that it has anything to do with a pregnancy. No."

Naomi grits her teeth, "But why don't we make sure? We'll wait outside." She takes Henrietta's hand and disappears out of the door, closing it behind them.

The physician turns to me and I swallow hard.

"There's no need-…"

"Mrs. Collins, why don't we just make sure, hmm? There is no harm in that. It will ease your mother's-in-law mind and I will be able to get back to my sick patients." He tells me with a smile and I want to laugh bitterly as he tells me to lie down.

"I owe a lot to her Ladyship, madam." He starts as he politely places his hand on my knee, "She supports my establishment and the good people of Collinsport." He says and I turn my head away as he touches me.

"This will take a… moment." He trails off and I close my eyes when his surprise is obvious in his touch which he quickly withdraws from between my legs.

Hot tears of humiliation gather behind my closed eyelids as he realizes that I could never possibly be pregnant just yet.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"I expected better from you, child. You could have at least told me so that I wouldn't make a fool out of myself!" Naomi hisses as we are alone in my chamber.

"I told you that there was no need." I reply quietly, my head still turned away.

"Still, this is a disgrace. Now the news will be all around Collinsport-…"

"This has nothing to do with the people here!" I exclaim angrily, "This is something personal, something that not even you had a right to know."

"A right to know? You're in my house, you ignorant child! Of course I must know everything. My son is a fool if he puts up with this. Your marriage is void, do you know that? It's nothing, but a façade and I won't sit back and watch."

"What is the meaning of this?" Joshua speaks up and I turn to look at him imploringly, "Wife, get out and leave the girl alone. You're making an unnecessary scene." He speaks quietly, but his wife is already shaking her head.

"Doesn't this affect you at all?" she asks, but I tense up as I hear more footsteps coming from the hall.

My fingers curl around the covers as soon as Barnabas storms in and his frantic eyes search for me. He pushes through his parents without a glance and comes to me. His arms are around me as soon as his knees hit the mattress and I exhale with relief when I press my cheek against his vest.

"Are you alright?" he whispers lowly and I nod my head, "Good."

"I'm sorry-…"

"Don't apologize to me. I know everything that happened." He pulls back to look at his mother with fury, "I know everything. Helen came and found me at the docks." He pulls me back close and shakes his head.

"Leave us, please. Father?" He locks eyes with Joshua who nods and tries to pull his wife out of the door.

"I want explanations, Barnabas. Is this nothing but a game to you? Have you any idea what the doctor told me? She's untouched! _Untouched!_ Have you no pride? How can you allow this? Are you not thinking about your future-…"

"Get out." My husband's voice is hoarse and low and I can feel his body shaking with repressed anger.

"I beg your pardon?" Naomi gasps.

"Wife." Joshua sounds exasperated, but she is relentless.

"Get out, mother. Now." Barnabas turns to look at her and she shakes her head at him.

"You go from one feeble girl to the next. At least the French girl would have given you a child-…  
"Naomi!"

"_Now!"_ Barnabas' scream makes me jump and I am suddenly released as he jumps form the bed and storms to his mother, "Get out. Now. Everything, even this, is your fault! I am ashamed of you! How dare you treat me like that? How dare you treat my wife like that! Searching her like some animal! Instead of judging my marital affairs you ought to be worrying about your transgressions against me!" He leans close to her, "And they are not few. Now, get out and leave us alone." He turns from her and Joshua looks at his son wide eyed while Naomi looks ready to collapse.

"Barnabas-…"

"Get out! If you dare step foot in this Wing today, I'll never speak to you again. Do you hear me?" His words are nothing but a hiss as he speaks with his back on his parents.

Naomi blinks back tears and then she is gone, her husband following her out of the room in regretful silence.

Once the door is shut, I shuffle forward, ready to touch Barnabas, but he simply shakes his head as soon as my fingers touch his hand before he storms into the washroom, slamming the door behind him with such force that it's shaken out of its hinges.

I try to ignore the fact that tears are running down my cheeks and that my heart just swelled inside my chest for this man. I sit back and wait, but he doesn't come out. Not until I gather the courage to go to him.

**End of chapter 12**

**Author's note: Don't you all hate nosy mothers-in –law? Lol!**

**So, liked it? Hated it? Please let me know! Your feedback is appreciated and much needed.**

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Welcome back! I want to thank: AgnesBriot1969, SpringBorn, lottielovebuzz, MissMisc3, Malsie19, LabyFan23, Makrciana, AngeliqueBouchard1972, XantheXV, skycord1990, TinkerbellxO, dionne dance and runs with myths. You are all wonderful!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

'_**People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.'**_

_**~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross**_

I was never able to handle liquor. Not really. I raise the glass up to my eyelevel and gaze at it with something akin to peculiarity. Things are double in front of my eyes, but as I look away from the glass of sherry I notice Barnabas' cousin staring at me…oddly.

I clear my throat and I try to pretend that I am not dizzy, "You still didn't answer me, Mr. Norris." Surprisingly enough my voice is confident and not at all wobbly….So unlike my knees.

"Hmm?" His eyes are sparkling mischievously; even in my inebriated state I can realize that.

"Why are you down here? Doesn't your wife need assistance?" I put the glass away because I can already feel my gag reflex working against my favor. I am not touching sherry ever again.

"Doesn't your husband miss your presence in your bed?" He cocks an eyebrow in reply and my throat is suddenly dry.

"Now that is a different matter, Mr. Norris. My husband is not pregnant and in need of help to go to the washroom." I reply as sweetly as I can. The man is odd.

Philip Norris pushes up from his seat and approaches me with the bottle of sherry. I flinch in response.

I raise a hand to stop him from pouring me more drink and he pauses, seemingly surprised.

"No more."

"You cannot handle it?"

I stand up and he smirks, "I shall be plain, sir. I appreciate the fact that you took time out of your sleep to keep me company and I know I must respect you because you're my husband's family, but I do not like the way you're looking at me."

He looks surprised and he averts his eyes.

"I do not know what you came down here to search for, but you won't find it no matter how much sherry you pour into my glass."

I take a step back and look at the way he is gazing at the grand fireplace. Anger flares up inside me.

"I also do not appreciate the way you gawk at my husband's property."

Philip's head swivels towards my direction very abruptly.

"Elita-…"

"It's Mrs. Collins to you." I take a step closer and just because the sherry has loosened my tongue I go on, "I don't trust you, sir. I am sorry." My eyes roam his form, "What do you really want here?" I whisper, "What do you seek?"

His eyes drop bellow my chin and I grit my teeth as his hand catches my elbow.

"You do not like me…" He narrows his eyes in silent speculation, "Why?"

"It is not a matter I have to concern myself with…I have nothing against you." I tug my arm out of his grip, "The question is what you were doing here?"

"Pardon?"

The sherry is making it difficult for me to fully form adequate sentences and I close my eyes.

"Mr. Norris. I am not a fool."

"Really? Is that why you married my cousin while knowing he was in love with another woman?" he starts circling me like a hawk.

I suddenly wish for Barnabas to be here.

"A woman who looks alarmingly like yourself?" His breath is hot on my shoulder and I whirl around to face him.

"How do you know about Josette?"

His laughter when it comes is unexpected and I flinch in response.

"Mrs. Collins," he pronounces the name with mockery and I suddenly feel stupid for being honest with him. I should just pretend; like my mother-in-law bade me to.

"Collinsport is quite a small town…Everyone knows everything. News circulates very quickly around here. And I am known for my strolls." He winks at me and I shudder in disgust.

"Gossip is a sin, Mr. Norris."

He chuckles and takes a sip from his almost empty glass, "I have done worse things than merely spreading gossips." His eyes peruse my form and I suddenly feel naked in my thick robe and nightdress.

I take a step back, "My marriage is none of your concern." I say quietly, but firmly, "Why were you staring at the hearth…and why were you touching the marble?" I jerk my head towards the fireplace and for a moment he pauses. Then his eyes trail to my eyes and I have the distinct suspicion that he thinks that I am drunk and not conscious of my words and actions. He is mistaken. I am not drunk; just slightly dizzy.

"Do you know the cost of this very room, hmm?" He outstretches his arms wide and I pause.

"Unfortunately no...I do not."

He smirks, "I was here when this manor was constructed. I saw how it was built…I was a few years older than foolish little Barnabas. I know everything about this house."

He starts walking towards me again, but he changes his mind and turns towards the fireplace instead. I watch as his fingers trail over the marble and I frown.

"What are you doing?"

"Italian marble…Most expensive and difficult to transport." He turns towards me, "Each joint holds a treasure."

I shake my head, "So what? You plan to do what exactly?"

"Plan? I do not plan to do anything." He laughs a little, "I just find it a little selfish of my uncle to live here all by himself."

"Why are you telling me this?" I whisper and he shrugs.

"Why not?"

"You think I won't tell what you just said? You're putting claim on this property."

"My dear Mrs. Collins." He comes closer and grasps my chin. I am shocked by how clammy his fingers are, "Who is going to believe you? My dear aunt hates you. I even heard rumor that my cousin hasn't even touched you yet. Your wedding could be easily annulled, you know that?"

I smack his hand away, but he grasps my chin again.

"My husband would believe me."

"If he is strong enough to actually voice his opinion about me." Philip's eyes are dancing, "If he decides to actually be a man and live up to his name instead of meddling with unworthy women-…"

I seriously don't know how my palm connected with his cheek, but as soon as his head is jerked to the side by my smack I gasp and stumble back.

"My God." I whisper as I stare at him.

Philip looks shocked and when he turns to me, I shriek and jump backwards. His fingers are like claws on my arm and I cry out.

"How dare you?" He tugs me closer and my breath is knocked out of me when he presses me to his chest, "To think that I actually fancied-…"

"Elita?" Barnabas' voice is like God's when it cuts off Norris' speech and I am suddenly released and thrown backwards. I gasp as the back of my knees catch the chair, but I manage to stay upright.

"What on earth are you doing?" Barnabas' eyes are hard as he storms towards us, his eyes spitting fire as he stares at Philip's hand like it's the plague itself.

"You must control your wife, cousin." Norris spats as he puts away his glass and points towards the bottle, "I simply wanted her to stop drinking. For her health." He brushes his hair away from his face, "She attacked me most ruthlessly."

I gasp as Barnabas turns to look at me.

"Are you talking about my wife? Elita attacked you?" Barnabas cocks an eyebrow, "You were the one who was grabbing her."

I swallow hard as my husband continues.

"Surely you're mistaken." He takes a step closer to Philip, "Go back to your room and to your wife. Leave mine alone, am I clear?"

Norris snorts, "At least mine will spread her legs." He mutters as he turns on his heel and walks away.

Barnabas' fists are clenched when he barks his next words, "The carriage will be ready at eight!"

Norris' footsteps are the only reply he gets and he huffs, quickly turning towards me.

"He was lying. I did not-…"

"What are you doing down here so late?" he cuts me off angrily as his eyes roam my form.

"I couldn't sleep." My reply is meek, but it only seems to anger him more.

"You do not stay alone with Norris! Where is your head, woman?"

"I am sorry."

"I told you before that I do not like him, that I do not trust him. And here he is, with his hands on you. Go to our chamber and _stay_ there. You're supposed to be in bed." His words leave no room for objection and when he turns on his heel and leaves me alone I feel ready to explode.

Saving my words for later, I walk towards the stairs and head straight for our room.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Breakfast is a chore. Everyone looks tense, myself included. Barnabas is avoiding me and Mr. Norris is…well, mocking me with his smirks and stares. My mother-in-law is staring at everyone with the utmost attention while Joshua and Henrietta look to be lost in their own worlds.

"Well, shouldn't we go, Philip?" Henrietta finally speaks up and everyone looks up at her.

Mr. Norris glares at his wife who only bats her eyelashes at him and then looks at his cousin.

Barnabas is focused on his breakfast and I know that he is troubled; very much so.

Ever since the incident with his mother and my vain attempt to comfort him in the washroom he's been distant and short with me. I try not to feel bad about it, but ever since last night things are even worse. If I believed it, I'd claim that my husband has some sort of…envious feelings towards his cousin because of me. But I know that is just absurd. He simply does not like the man and that is all.

"The carriage is ready." Joshua looks up with a smile, "It was nice to have you here, Philip. Do come visit us again."

Naomi glares at her husband and rolls her eyes when she notices the awful grin on Philip's mouth.

"I sure will, uncle." Norris' reply is smug and I want to vomit.

I feel eyes on me and I notice that Barnabas is staring at me, his expression mildly surprised at my obviously disgusted face. His eyes are softer than before, but before I can smile at him Henrietta stands up, pushing her chair noisily backwards.

"It was wonderful seeing all of you. Especially you, Barnabas. Philip had told me all about you, but..." Her hand is upon my husband's shoulder before I can blink and I flinch as he takes her hand and shakes it gently.

"Likewise." His polite offer is strained as he stands up.

"I hope we get to know each other better in our next visit. You and your beautiful wife are most welcome to our new home." She still hasn't let go of his hand and I stand as well.

"I wish you a good delivery, Mrs. Norris. You're welcome in Collinwood anytime." He pulls his hand away and I can see Naomi staring at Henrietta with a quirked eyebrow.

Philip shakes hands with Barnabas next and then Henrietta comes to speak to me.

"Lovely meeting you, Elita." She shakes my hand, "I am sorry for everything that happened…with the physician and all-…"

"Come, come. The horses are ready." Joshua cuts off her speech and I am relieved as she mouths a quick apology and walks towards her husband.

I watch them all go and I simply wave my hand as Norris tips his hat at me, my expression blank.

Barnabas doesn't follow his parents and I take the courage to walk over to him.

He turns towards me abruptly and I flinch a little.

"Elita-…"

"He was searching the parlor last night. That's how I found him." I cut him off and he falters.

"Searching?"

"He had his hands on the fireplace. He was opening cupboards, cabinets while I was there."

Barnabas looks furious, "And what about what I saw?"

I take a deep breath, "What you saw was his reaction to my previous words. Words you did not hear."

"What did you say to him?" he murmurs and I pause.

"You were quick to leave last might."

"Elita-…"

"You forget what I have to endure in this house."

He looks away before he nods his head, "I know. I wanted to apologize."

"Maybe you won't have to. I insulted your kin." I pull my hands back when he tries to hold them and his face falls.

"Pardon?" I try not to find the frown upon his brow attractive.

"He commented on Josette and your relationship with her after I informed him that I had caught him wondering in the house, groping furniture and such."

Barnabas freezes, "What did he say?"

"I won't get into detail. All you need to know is that he knows why you married me. He also knows, by his wife who was present in our room when the doctor arrived, that our marriage is not consummated. He also feels like he should be a part of this family. He mentioned being here when Collinwood was made-…"

"That is unrelated." He cuts me off, "He is not a Collins."

"He doesn't feel that way." I say quietly, "Perhaps your father should be informed of Mr. Norris' feelings?"

I try to walk away, but his arm is strong around my waist when he stops me.

"Take a ride with me." he murmurs as he leans his face into my neck, breathing me in.

I blink at the sudden change of topic and for a moment I cannot speak.

"Now?"

"Hmm. I promised to get supplies to the church from the docks. Join me?" He pulls back from my neck to look into my eyes and his expression is soft and welcoming, "Please?"

Resisting the urge to inform him that he needn't beg and that I'd gladly go anywhere with him, I merely nod and try not to flush when he smiles widely at me. Leaning down to kiss me firmly on the lips, he winds his arm around my back and pulls me closer before he pulls back.

"I'll prepare the carriage. Meet me at the gates in half an hour. Cover up, it's cold outside." He leaves me with a racing heartbeat and a fierce flush, but I don't fail to notice the lighter bounce in his step as he snatches up his coat and gloves from the armchair.

I watch his back as he walks away and clamp a hand over my mouth to stop the developing smile from spreading too much. With a muffled sigh, I take my leave in order to make myself presentable.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Can't I come with you?"

I pause a few feet away, just behind the carriage. I frown a little. What is _she_ doing out here?

"Angelique." Barnabas' voice is tight, "I've told you before. You must stop this."

"I just want to walk with you."

"My wife will come with me."

"I heard all about it. She is not really your wife, is she?" The maid's voice is low and taunting and I tense up, "She is just a frigid little thing, isn't she?" I can see her hand moving up my husband's arm and my stomach drops.

Suddenly a smack resonates in the silence and I am shocked when I realize that Barnabas just now slapped her stroking hand away.

"Don't ever speak to me about my wife again. You don't have the right."

"But you do not love her! Do you?"

"I don't love _you_." Barnabas' voice is flat and emotionless.

"But you _want_ me." Her voice is smug and seductive.

"Grave mistake committed in the past. It won't happen again." I can see him moving towards the other side of the carriage and I take a deep breath.

"Liar."

"On the contrary, my dear." he is spitting the words out, "I am anything but a liar. I do not love you. Nor do I want you. Understand this before it's too late."

"Late? For what?"

There is a pause, "Your dismissal." His voice is quiet, but firm and she cackles in response.

"You wouldn't dare."

Barnabas doesn't speak and her laughter subsides. Her next words are a hiss.

"Beware, Barnabas Collins. Your honesty might be your end."

I can hear her footsteps as she leaves him alone and nervously I finally make my presence known.

Barnabas is stroking the horse's muzzle, his eyes distant and for a moment I wonder if I am really that bad of a wife. I probably am.

Gathering up my resolve, I walk towards him, pulling off my right glove. I touch his back and he is startled.

A smile breaks his glum expression and I return it. His eyes roam my heavily covered form and the smile turns into a full grin.

"The coat looks lovely on you." His gloved hand catches my bare one and I cock an eyebrow.

"You chose it." I respond quietly, trying not to feel bothered by his interaction with the maid.

He chuckles and the shadows leave his eyes to be replaced with warmth.

"Come on." He opens the carriage door and when the driver walks out of the stables to take the reins, Barnabas holds a hand up to stop him.

"I'll drive." He calls and the older man looks surprised.

"Eh, whatever you say, master." He inclines his head and Barnabas closes the carriage door, leaving me alone. I listen as he climbs up to the driver's seat and snaps the reins, prompting the horses into motion.

As I am left alone, I briefly wonder if he needs the time alone. I come to the conclusion that he probably does…

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_A month later…_

I giggle as I watch the little girl. She is running around the back porch of the church, her dark brown hair flowing with her movements. I drop the basket and look at her mother. Her mother is a tall, curvaceous woman with bright green eyes and black hair. She is beautiful, but a foreigner. She doesn't speak English. Only Spanish and I am shy to admit that I am envious of my husband's ability to communicate with her.

She and her daughter were found in an abandoned, tattered dingy in the open water, just beyond the coast of Collinsport. They had been barely alive when my husband's fishing boat found them floating in the small boat. They had nowhere to go and by my reckoning, they had been abandoned by pirates. The thought reminds me of the ruthless James Black and I tense up. I mustn't think about him. Not after everything.

Smiling at Carmen and her daughter, I hand her the basket of food. She takes it with a smile and I wave my hand as I turn around, ready to head back to my horse.

I stop short when I notice the pale profile of Josette. She is talking with the vicar, probably offering her help for the two strangers, but that is not what has me suddenly shaking. Barnabas is by his stallion with his hand on the horse's back, but his eyes are fixated across from him. They are fixated on Josette and her pale hair.

I blink and try not to be bothered, but I am.

_You shouldn't be. He's just been busy. It's not all about you._

My inner voice is right. My husband is busy and he is probably tired of having to fight for a kiss. I am reluctant to give him any further attention since...since that incident with his mother and the doctor. Not because I don't want to…No. I am afraid of the outcome. His mother thinks me no better than a mare that is only useful for breeding. It is no surprise that I am afraid of rejection. From the way he is looking at his previous lover, I realize that my fears are probably valid. He has confessed numerous times that he used to see her here in this very church. I know as much since I used to keep watch. I want to snort at the incredulity. I am a liar if I say I am not bothered.

Trying to remain calm, I walk over to him.

"Should we go? It's late." I speak up and he blinks, turning towards me.

He smiles, but I can see it's not heartfelt like other times. Things are odd between us then. Our problems are finally taking their toll on us…His reaction shows it. He would probably prefer to stay here, watching the pretty Ms. Du Pres with longing than return back home with me.

"Whatever you want, love." His response betrays nothing as he helps me mount my horse and he does the same. His gaze lingers upon Josette who is trying her best not to look towards our direction and then he tugs on the reins, commanding the horse into a gallop.

I follow him in silence.

After another tiresome dinner with the judging Lady Collins we retire to our room. I eye the bed with hesitation and when I feel hands on my waist I pause. I inhale sharply when lips find the bare skin of my neck. Barnabas' tongue laves at my pulse spot and I shudder, reaching down to clasp his wandering hands. He's been straightforward before, but this…

"I can't." I whisper and it's true. I have my bleeds.

He pauses, but then sighs and turns me around. His lips find my nose and I fight hard not to close my eyes.

"It doesn't matter." He breathes with a shake of his head as he presses his lips to mine. My eyes go wide when he pays no heed to my words and instead pushes me backwards towards the bed. I collapse onto it with a soft push of his insistent hands, but when he starts lowering himself over me I place my hands on his chest.

"Barnabas." I can see the lust swimming in his eyes, but my bleak expression causes the lust to evaporate. He rolls off of me in a flash and I can see his tense shoulders as he heads for the washroom in silence. Little did I know when I pushed him away that he wouldn't touch me for weeks after this…

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_I recall being in this place before. I know this hill, I know these waves. I have flirted with them in the past, but why am I here? I must be lost in a dream…an illusion, for this was months ago. The wind felt the same. Slapping my skin with force, tangling my hair, disturbing the skirt of my dress and making my eyes sting with the emotions that I'd never say out loud; with the emotions that I'd never express. _

_I look down and I realize that I am in the same dark dress and that tears are still rolling down my cheeks, fat and incessant. _

_I raise my hands and wipe at them roughly. I am tired of being weak, I am tired of heartache. I am a newlywed woman; I must be happy. I ought to be happy. I owe it to myself to be happy. But I cannot. I cannot because the man I loved is gone. No…the man I thought I loved…James…James is gone and that is why I am here…Right? On this hill. My dreams are forgotten, lost and desperate to resurface, but I cannot revive them. I simply cannot bring them back. I cannot bring him back. I cannot bring the man that he was back because my love was denied and stomped upon, because the man I thought I'd die for is already dead. _

_The man I am tied to isn't him. It's someone else. Someone better. Someone way above the man I have lost…or rather the man I never had._

_In his eyes I see everything…everything. And I feel that pity is still among them; pity for the bride he's forced to have. Pity for the bride he has yet to fully touch. My charms do not make me desirable because his heart belongs to someone else. Like mine does…or did? I am not sure anymore. I am not sure because he's kind to me. He's been so kind to me that it makes my heart clench. We're two different people, two people forced together by this society. _

_We're together because the older maid in Collinsport, the daughter of a wealthy merchant, was a prettier, more profitable catch than the newcomers from Martinique; the ones with the smaller house and the single servant._

_He is with me because I was in the proper age for marriage and because my mother no longer wished me to mourn for a dead man; a man who did not deserve my love. The people around me are tired of me and I can see as clear as day that he is too, but he's too kindhearted and sweet to admit it. I am probably a lost cause. Because his smiles, stemmed out of kindness, I am sure, do not make my eyes shine like he wants them too. His words, though warm and spoken in quiet tones, do nothing to fill the void inside my chest. I was too hurt in the past…_

_I am stuck. Stuck in a loveless marriage out of my sheer stubbornness and his own selfish choice. Because I do think that he would be able to love me if I tried to respond to him. If I tried to make myself available to him._

_But all these are just my thoughts. Maybe the truth is different. The question that remains is why am I here? Is this a dream? I have been to Widow's once before…I almost died that day…But he saved me…Like always-…_

_Before I have the time to finish that thought, an invisible force, probably my own past free will or bad luck, propels me forward and I start falling. Before I slip over the edge, two hands grab me around the waist and the touch is familiar but oh- so different. The touch chills me to the bone, but I grab onto the forearms that are holding me. I grab on tightly because I have always been too weak to let go of my life. Too much of a coward to join the dead._

_I am thrown unceremoniously upon the humid grass, scrapping my palms against the rocks and I cry out as tears keep rolling down my cheeks._

_I turn__swiftly onto my back, my limbs shaking because the scene has changed. It wasn't like that in reality. Why are my dreams always so cruel?_

_I look up and I see my husband standing over me. But he's different. Too pale skin, dark circles under his eyes, crimson lips and a fierce snarl that makes him look terrifying. He looks…like the devil himself. His clothes are rugged, dirty as if he has just woken up from his deathbed…or risen from his grave._

_I am unable to breathe. Where is my rosy cheeked husband? Suddenly, I miss him. I crave him because the creature standing over me and staring at me intently is not my master and lord of my household. He is not._

"_How many times will I have to sacrifice myself for you?" He asks me and my eyes widen when I see blood running down his cheeks._

_Is he crying? Is he hurt? Why do I ache with the need to console him? _

"_I…" The words die on my tongue as he approaches me in one swift move. I cry out because only a specter can move with such speed._

_His hands, cold and rough, coil around my neck and he pulls me up, up until he has his face buried in the crook of my neck. I can feel his breath, sometimes cold, sometimes hot against my skin and I shudder._

"_Enough." The word is whispered and then I feel pain, such pain and I scream. I scream so loudly that the birds fly away from the trees behind us with mighty speed._

"Elita! Wake up!" The voice is firm, but holds vast tinges of worry and my eyes snap open. I break free of my husband's hold and I sit up upon our bed. I still don't understand why, after so many weeks of distance, he is still sleeping next to me.

My eyes, wide and petrified, peruse our majestic chamber, but I see nothing out of the ordinary apart from my husband's scattered clothes. I look upon my lap and when I feel his palm against my brow, warm and at the same time cool on my feverish skin, I close my eyes. His touch, _this_ kind of touch, is not rare. On the contrary.

"Whatever is the matter?" he murmurs softly and I swallow hard before I push my light hair away from my cheek. It's soaked in sweat.

"Nothing." I answer and as I look up I see his brown eyes on me. He has a frown upon his handsome face. In a moment of weakness and sheer fear; fear that has stemmed from my awful dream, I reach up and cradle his cheek. His eyes go as wide as our cook's cooking saucers and I blink. He's really beautiful. He always has been. His skin is warm and smooth under my palm and the terror of my dream slowly dissolves under his pink lips and honey brown eyes. This _is_ my husband.

His features go slack for a moment and then his eyes are roaming my face. For the first time in weeks, his gaze drops below my neck and I flush. In an instant his hands are upon me-eager and hungry for my body- but as he wraps his arms around me and his mouth collides with mine in a long kiss, my second actual kiss in weeks, I start to panic. I am not ready for this. My body goes stiff and then I am pushing him roughly away. He lets me go in an instant and his eyes are dark and stormy. He stares at me and my hand flies to my mouth. I can still feel his lips and tongue there, burning my mouth, branding me, finally branding me for his own after days. As I try to comprehend what has just happened he's moving away. He throws the covers away and grabs his robe from the settee, putting it on jerkily before he storms over to the door and thrusts it open.

"Barnabas! Wait!" My voice is choked and desperate and he pauses, "I don't…I…please." I whisper with panic.

His shoulders tense up and he slowly shakes his head, "I am done waiting." He whispers right back to me before he finally steps out of the door and slams it firmly shut behind him. His response is so unlike him and my heart clenches painfully.

I release a sob and without waiting for him to retreat completely down the corridor, I curl in a ball and start crying. A moment later his footsteps approach and I know that he is coming straight back to the room again and that makes me sob harder because I realize that I am the one ruining this. I am the one to blame. And I hate it. God, how I hate it.

Hands on my shoulders warm me and I lean back into the heat. His hard body is pressed up against my back and I turn around, wanting to make up for my behavior, wanting to ignore my fears and inhibitions. I wind my arms around his back and he tenses up in shock for a moment before he pulls me close. His hot lips find my forehead and I gasp for air as I press my face against the naked skin of his chest.

"Forgive me." The apology slips from both our mouths in unison and we look at each other in shock before we burst into light laughter. His thumbs wipe my wet cheeks and then he is leaning closer, closer until I can feel his sweet breath on my mouth. This time I don't push him away and as he covers my body with his own to bathe me in kisses and flitting touches I forget about my ugly dream, I forget about Josette and Angelique and slowly slip my hand down his chest. His groan vibrates loudly against my lips as he jerks, but I don't stop my downward trip. I won't stop. Upon that realization, he clutches my wrist painfully and quickly guides my hand underneath his clothing and towards his scorching flesh. His lips never part from mine and for once I finally forget and simply touch him. His breathless, but enthusiastic appraisal I get in response is compensation enough for me to want to curl into his arms forever. And I do; for the rest of the night.

**End of chapter 13**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. I hope the chapter made up for all the waiting.**

**The last scene/dream might seem familiar to those who had read the sneak peek for this story on my Livejournal…But, I made some alterations to fit my now fully developed plot. I had a mind not to keep it, but I wanted the dream scene and so I changed it a bit to fit my purpose. :D**

**So, comments? Liked it? Hated it? Do you think Mr. Norris will be back for more trouble? And what was he looking for? What about Angelique?**

**Feedback feeds the muse, people! **

**Until next time!**

**Xxx Lina :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Welcome, welcome! Before we proceed with the chapter, I would like to thank:**

**AgnesBriot1969, Sea Rover, AshleyN09, Makrciana, Spring Born, MissMisc3, XantheXV, Skycord1990, xxPaige23xx, dionne dance, TinkerbellxO and LabyFan23. Thank you for the support!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

_**"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." **_

_**― Anonymous, **__**Holy Bible**_

"This is absurd."

My mother-in-law is right next to me and she is speaking, but I am not really paying attention to her. My attention is elsewhere.

"Elita? Are you even listening to me, child?"

I sigh and take my eyes off of Carmen and her daughter who are currently talking quietly among each other.

"I am."

"Then you must agree with me."

"About what, Mother?" I blink and my gaze falls upon my husband who is talking with Helen, giving instructions.

"We cannot gather every stray from the streets."

Her words cause something inside me to snap, but I try to keep my voice and temper down.

"You said that I could turn our Wing into anything I'd like. In order to do that, I need more hands. It's not charity when there is provided retribution."

Naomi turns to look at me, her expression caustic, "You gave the order then. Not my son."

I smooth a hand down my gown and fold my hands in front of my belly.

"You overestimate me, Mother. How could I ever do anything without my husband's approval?"

Barnabas' head is turned towards us at my loud words and I can see a flicker of confusion before a small smirk turns his mouth upwards. With a final word to Helen he turns and heads towards us.

"Mother." He inclines his head before he places a hand on my lower back. I try not to move closer, but then I don't have to because I am suddenly pulled into his side, tucked under his arm. His lips press a kiss on the top of my head and I can feel my face flushing with color.

_Dear God. Stop it._

"You never asked for my approval." Naomi informs him though her eyes do look at her son's arm around me with puzzlement.

"I didn't know I needed it. We were short on a pair of hands. Carmen knows everything about flowers and plants too. She can help with your garden." Barnabas' voice is amiable, but there is a hint of irritation in it.

"I take care of my own garden, Barnabas. You do know what this makes me look like in front of the servants, yes?"

I flinch, but Barnabas doesn't seem all too bothered by his mother's very obvious anger.

"Captain Weller will be joining us for dinner tonight. With his family. I hope you can make proper preparations in time." He changes the subject altogether and I can see that his words irk his mother even more.

I want to disappear. I hate these horrible arguments. And I am the center of them…Always.

"No, my son. Since I am not even asked about my own household staff, then I am sure not capable of arranging a simple dinner. Let your wife handle the preparations. I am certain she'd love to do so."

Naomi spares me a contemptuous look before she walks away, not even glancing towards Carmen and her daughter Alejandra.

I turn in Barnabas' arms, "You did that on purpose." I accuse mildly and he smiles down at me.

"Me? No."

"Yes, you did." His lips are on mine before I can continue and my eyes widen a little as we attract unwanted attention from the staff.

Helen giggles and I can hear little Alejandra laughing as well.

His lips are soft against mine, but the kiss itself is demanding and I gently place my hands on his waistcoat. He pulls back and smirks before he releases me completely.

I hear him murmuring something in Spanish and then Carmen is nodding her head and padding softly towards Helen who escorts them to their quarters.

"So, are you up to the task?" Barnabas asks me while I am still trying to regulate my breathing from the aftermath of our kiss.

"Of course." I nod my head and he flicks my chin with his fingers before he steps back.

"Good. I have some business, but I will be back in a few hours." He pulls his gloves out of his coat pocket and then turns on his heel, heading steadily towards the front door. I can see one of the stable boys waiting outside with his horse.

Clearing my throat, I turn and make my way to the kitchens.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_The bed next to me is empty and I frown deeply. The sheets are cold and not warm. My pillow is gone from under my head, but that is not what woke me up. The air is thick with something heady and dark and I slowly, cautiously open my eyes. At first I see nothing, but as my vision adjusts to the darkness I take notice of a single thick candle lighting the chamber. It is sitting right on top of my bedside table. Next to it, a single red rose is propped up against the wall. _

_I take a look around the chamber. The door to the washroom is ajar and I try to use my voice. I am surprised when it works because I feel so groggy._

"_Barnabas?"_

"_Hmm?" It's his voice. I am certain of it and I breathe a sigh of relief._

"_What are you doing?" I call as I sit up. A wave of nausea overwhelms me and I frown._

"_I'll be right outside…Do you need anything?"_

_I blink and shake my head, but of course he cannot see that._

"_Elita?"_

_I clear my throat, "No…nothing."_

_My eyes flicker to the rose and I smile, "What is this doing here?" I call and there is a moment of silence._

"_What is what doing where?" He sounds confused, but there is the familiar warmth in his voice and I roll my eyes while reaching over to take the rose._

"_The rose- Ow!" As soon as my fingers touch the flower a particular thorn that seems to have grown out of nowhere prickles my finger. I watch with shock as a thick rivulet of blood trickles down my finger and pools in my palm._

_I let go of the rose and it falls on out pristine white bedcovers where it proceeds to bleed until the petals are nothing but sticky crimson spots._

_I cry out, lurching backwards and suddenly I can hear footsteps._

"_Elita?"_

_Barnabas' voice seems so far away and I start to panic when the single candle is diminished._

_I gasp and a cold, frosty palm covers my mouth. A strong arm and a familiar smoky scent wrap themselves around me and I feel trapped. I try to cry out for my husband because I know that the man who has me in his hold is not Barnabas, but I can't. Only choked, unintelligible sounds escape my throat and the man holding me leans into the crook of my neck._

"_You forgot me, Bee. Why are you fighting? I thought you loved me."_

_James' voice. Good God. I can feel my heart slowing down in sudden fear. He…he is supposed to be dead!_

_Self preservation flares up inside me and I start fighting his hold, writhing in his arms and I groan in pain when he uses his fingers against me. He threads them into my loose curls and tugs hard, tilting my head back._

'_Elita?" The slam of a door is ringing in my ears and I realize that somehow Barnabas cannot get out of the washroom to get to me. I can hear him trying to thrust the door open, but it is useless._

"_How sweet, my little bee." James' voice is throaty in my ear and I pause because his hand around my mouth is cutting off part of my air. My head is pounding as he pulls at the roots of my hair and I try to keep calm because the more I fight and writhe the more painful his hold gets._

"_You shall fall for the tricks of a monster. A monster worse than my betrayals." His chuckle is evil and his breath unbearably hot against the skin of my neck and cheek._

_I frown because I don't understand a word he is saying. I don't trust him so it doesn't really matters. What it does matter is that I need to get away from him._

_I try to break free, but suddenly his hand falls heavily on my lower belly. I gasp and when his fingers try to slide lower and right between my legs I start thrashing in hold. He growls in my ear, an unnatural sound, before he proceeds to cup my belly in his rough hand, a hand that I can barely see in the darkness._

"_You made a mistake, little bee. This," His fingers are digging into my skin even through the silk of my nightdress, "was supposed to be mine."_

_I freeze and go totally still in his arms and it seems to placate him. What is he talking about? I am not pregnant._

"_It was supposed to be mine and so…" His fingers travel dangerously close to my throat, "you shall pay." He closes his hands around my throat and starts squeezing. I sputter and choke, and arch my back in an effort to escape him, but I cannot. He is too strong and I can feel my limbs aching and my lungs burning from the lack of air. I try to breathe, but he is blocking every entrance with his strong hands and I feel my heartbeat pounding against my chest, trying, but having a difficult time in pumping blood through my body._

_I shut my eyes and claw at his hand, but he is relentless. I am losing myself and no one is here to stop it. The worst comes when he decides to brush his lips against my gasping ones. The taste of him used to be sweet, but it's revolting because I can feel our mutual hate dancing in the air between us. He presses harder against my lips and I can feel him smiling into the kiss as his hands continue to choke me. I panic. I panic not because I am dying, but because I can no longer hear Barnabas trying to reach me. I panic because I am alone._

A hand is shaking me firmly awake and I gasp. I open my eyes and my vision is filled with Barnabas. His tousled hair speaks of his grogginess, but his wide eyes speak of his worry.

I swallow hard only to realize that my throat is too dry. I start coughing and I reach up to finger my neck. Warm fingers brush my arm, stroking the skin rhythmically before a glass of water is placed to my lips. I take a small sip while feeling my cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

"Easy. Small sips." My eyes focus on a patch of naked skin on his chest and I let my attention settle on that.

My dream was a little too real. The fingers on my arm slide up to my neck where he pushes my hair away. The cool air immediately causes me to shudder and I pull the glass away from my mouth.

"Are you feeling better?"

I look at Barnabas and he looks really worried. I know we're both in a terrible mood because of the dinner, which went absolutely awful, but now he looks worse.

"I am better. It was just a dream."

His palm is warm when it cups my cheek, "What did you dream about?"

I shudder and gently shake my head, "I couldn't breathe." I say simply because I don't want to tell him the terrible nightmare I just saw. Our moods are already rather sour because of his mother's behavior. I don't want to upset him further. I want to make him smile for once and I want it to be sincere and not forced.

His fingers are on my neck then and I look at his hand.

"I understood that much." His eyes try to find mine, "Why couldn't you breathe?"

I swallow hard and put the water on my bedside table.

"I…"

_Because my dead fiancé tried to smother me while I was carrying your child. Because I almost died in my sleep._

"I don't remember." Traitorous tears gather in my eyes and I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to block them. I cover my face with my hands before I move forward and press my forehead against Barnabas' chest. His arms are around me before I can blurt out an apology and I sag against him. My cheek finds the skin right above his heart and I can hear his heartbeat thudding steadily and rhythmically against his chest.

His breath is disturbing my hair, but he is warming me and I lean further against him, folding my legs under my bottom as I slide closer to him.

"You must sleep. We have this dreadful family party. Remember?" I can feel his hard swallow and I look up at him, my nose brushing his jaw as I move.

"Alright." I breathe and I am surprised when I realize that my tears have receded. I am reluctant to move away and he seems to realize it because he starts lowering us back on the bed.

I find myself on top of him, my head on his pillow and my leg straddling his lap. His arms are still around me and I make no move to distance myself. I have come to enjoy this; us together. I feel comfortable even when my thigh brushes dangerously close to his groin. The sheets are lying around us in a heap as his eyes slide down to find my own.

"You were calling for me." he murmurs and if I wasn't feeling too fuzzy from his close proximity I would have noticed the way his eyes are glimmering when he speaks.

"I was?"

"Hmm." A single finger pushes my hair away from my face and then slides down to touch my slightly parted lips.

"Thank you." I blurt out and he looks confused.

"What for?"

"For…this." I squeeze my arms around his waist and I can feel his breath hitch.

"My pleasure."

I smile and settle my head down on his pillow, my breath falling into the crook of his neck as he settles down as well.

"Last night went…"

"Terrible? I cannot fathom my mother's rudeness." He finishes for me and I look at him warmly.

"She feels threatened."

"That's just ridiculous. You are my wife. Of course I will support you."

I raise my head slightly, "You're just saying that because you feel resentment."

His eyes avoid mine, "No."

"Yes. Because you were not allowed to live your life the way you wanted to…The way you still want to."

"You are wrong." There is fierce determination in his voice and I gulp.

"Am I?"

His eyes lock with mine and I am suddenly breathless by the certainty I see in them.

"Yes, you are. You are perfect. And you are mine. What's more important than that?" I am pulled closer to his body and I let out a gentle laugh.

"You were always this assure of everything, weren't you? But you're wrong. I am far from perfect…"

"I am not perfect either, but you have never made me feel…small. I have." His admittance causes my heart to flutter inside my chest.

"No-…'

"I have. I have belittled you more than once."

"I have insulted you. Several times." I whisper, but he shakes his head.

"I always told myself that family is the most important thing in the world. But I failed…_our_ family. I have found myself to be disloyal many times. The worst feeling ever was when I found out about…the child." His eyes get a far away look in them.

"Why?"

"Because it was my fault, a fault committed when I was still free to do as I pleased, but a fault that affected you as well. You had to bear the humiliation I caused because I was too foolish."

I have the urge to wring my hands nervously, but they are locked around him and I am reluctant to break the connection.

"You were engaged."

"You were too. Yet Mr. Black never went that far."

I pause at that, "You shouldn't compare me to Josette. I am a little…reluctant to trust people. James…was charming, but something in me never let me get very far…His advances had started to become…tiresome after a while." I admit and I don't feel bad at all. James had never made me comfortable enough to speak to him so openly.

"Why?"

I take a deep breath and try not to read too much into the curiosity in his voice, "Because he never seemed to be interested in anything else. He never even knew my favorite color…or why I hated the sea…or…"

"It's blue." Barnabas blurts out and I smile a little too fondly.

"Yes."

His hand travels up to cradle the back of my head, "Why do you hate the sea?"

I laugh a little and he smirks, "Oh, I am sensing a story here."

"It's not that I hate the sea…I can look at it. I just prefer to do it from afar." I clear my throat a little.

"Why?" His fingers are deep in my hair and a tingle goes up and down my spine when he moves them in circles.

"Alright…the truth is that I can't swim."

His laughter is spontaneous and unexpected and I am startled, "What?"

"I am so sorry. It's just…Collinsport is a rather…sea related town." He grins, "It is compulsory to know how to swim and I intend to remedy that."

"Even though you fell from that boat?"

He actually turns a little pink and clears his throat, "Well, never mind that." He waves a hand and I can't help it. I lean closer and peck his lips. His eyes widen minutely and I am ready to pull back when his hand forces my head closer again. Our lips collide almost painfully and I am astounded by his ardor. His free hand moves down to cup my lower back and in one swift move he has me trapped underneath his warm body. The action is grounding. His form feels like a security blanket over me and I widen my stance, causing him to fall between my accommodating legs with a soft groan of surrender. I twine my arms around his neck, pulling him closer and his tongue slips between my lips, causing me to gasp softly. The moment his hips move to grind against mine, I tense up and he does too. He can feel the extra barrier that is separating us and breaks the kiss to look down at me.

I am breathing heavily as I try to form words, "I'm sorry. I…"

He silences me with another kiss and pushes his hips away from mine, sliding his body lower until he is pressed against the mattress. I miss the connection and I curse at my womanly timing. I wasn't planning to stop him, but…

"It doesn't matter." He breathes the words against my lips as he slides his kisses to my jaw. His tongue flittingly flicks out to taste my skin before he allows his head to drop on top of my heaving chest.

"It does matter." I shudder when his mouth finds my left breast through my nightdress. His moist breath is enough to cause me goose bumps and even though the touch is blocked by the thin material of my attire I feel as if the kiss is applied directly to my naked skin. His cheek finds my collarbone and I rest my hands on his back.

"Is it so surprising that I want to rest here? Like this?" His mouth is twitching as he speaks the words and his hot breath causes another shiver to travel up and down my spine.

"No."

He smiles and with a last kiss on the side of my breast, he closes his eyes. I am left to wonder if my rapid heartbeat lulled him to sleep.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"You look heavier. Have you gained weight? Not that there is something wrong with that, darling. But this either means that you have an appetite or that you are too depressed and decided to find an escape in food."

My mother knows how to make me lose my good mood. As if her frosty glare exchanges with Barnabas' mother are not enough, she has to comment on my weight.

"I am not depressed. I am…fine." And I mean it.

My mother stops when we arrive at the front door. They are leaving and I shouldn't be feeling so glad, but I cannot help it. Dinner parties with my parents and Barnabas' mother are…tedious. I am using a rather mild word anyway.

"Are you sure? After everything you told me-…"

"You swore not to mention the doctor incident. Why do you insist on making me feel like a fool?" I hiss.

"I was trying to protect you."

"By mentioning the one thing I am most embarrassed about!"

She stops and looks over my shoulder at Barnabas' mother.

"I cannot speak now. She can see us. Be sure to come by the house someday." She kisses my cheek and I nod. I close the door behind her and turn to face Naomi.

We stare at each other before she breaks the silence with a few cutting words.

"Finish this joke. My son is actually waltzing with the Spanish maid. Put a stop to this hilarity. We've had enough of it."

I barely have time to breathe, let alone speak before she is gone. I shake my head and walk towards the parlor where Barnabas is dancing with Carmen in time to an imaginary tune. I would find the scene seductive if it weren't for the small girl trailing behind Barnabas while hanging onto the pockets of his overcoat and trying very hard to keep up with their practiced pace.

A small laugh escapes me and my husband looks at me. His grin is deep and Carmen immediately backs away with a small bow. I smile at her and watch as she takes her daughter's hand, ready to lead her out of the parlor and right into the kitchen.

My smile disappears when I see Angelique walking towards Barnabas. She is holding a tray in her hands. On top of it there is a glass of sherry. Barnabas looks away from me and reaches out to take the drink.

I start walking towards the French doors, but it is a mistake because I can see their reflections through the glass. At first nothing really happens. Barnabas drinks from his glass, his eyes averted and fixated right on me. I am relieved for only a second because the next thing I know is that Angelique is reaching towards his face with her fingers. At first I think that she intends to strike him or cup his cheek, but I am proven wrong when her fingertip brushes across Barnabas' lip in a sensual glide. My nostrils flare and I turn around, ready to prove that I do care about him, but then something unexpected happens. It's like something inside my husband breaks and he lashes out. The glass of sherry is on the floor while his palm connects loudly with her cheek.

I stumble back at that and the maid looks as if she's seen a ghost; she is that pale. Barnabas doesn't hesitate to grab her wrist, the wrist of the hand she just used to caress him with, while she is still reeling from the smack.

"Don't make me speak. Stop provoking me. Do you understand me?" he hisses as he uses his grasp on her hand to haul her behind him.

The maid's eyes are flickering between Barnabas and me and I watch with wide eyes as my husband releases her rather abruptly. She falls on all fours in front of his feet with a furious expression upon her face.

"You're pathetic. Get back to your work." Barnabas' voice is as cold as ice and I am horrified by how much her flirtation affected him. I am speechless. This is the same man who had been dancing with another servant girl just minutes ago.

"What's the matter with you?" she hisses up at him as she stands on shaky feet.

"I said! Get back to your work." He doesn't look at her as he turns towards me and I inhale sharply at the look in his eyes.

_I'm sorry._

He mouths the words before he turns on his heel and walks away, taking the stairs two at a time.

I realize that some odd turmoil must be going on inside him because he never behaves like that; never. I don't want to feel pity for Angelique because she is always provoking, but I do understand the humiliation when I see the hateful glare she sends my way.

Taking a few steps towards her, I point at the mess on the floor.

"Do as your master said, please." I try to move past her because I don't want to be in her presence more than it is necessary, but her voice stops me.

"He doesn't love you. He doesn't love anyone but that weakling. Don't fool yourself. You're just like me. Begging for scraps." Her voice is dripping with disdain and I pause in my footsteps. I don't turn to face her though.

"I am not sure who of the two of us is fooling herself." I murmur, "But I know that I am not like you. I could never be."

I walk away without looking back and I try to ignore the troublesome feeling of uncertainty that is eating at my insides. Her words are like poison and I wonder if Barnabas' reaction was a result of a secret ongoing conflict that is taking place between them. I don't know, but I will find out.

**End of chapter 14**

**Author's note: Thank you for reading! I hope this made up for the wait! More soon!**

**Comments, please?**

**Until next time.**

**Xxx Lina :D**


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